-Yoru's Diary-

Dear Diary,

I know that I haven't written to you in a long time, but I've been confused. That's because Hiro kissed me. 

And I didn't hate it.

On top of that, he also asked me out on a date.

And I said yes.

I said yes, not because he is my friend and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but because I am genuinely curious about him. About us. It's like I discovered something completely new about myself and I don't know how to process it. Up until now I've never thought about dating anyone, let alone a guy that I only know for just a bit over two weeks. The problem is that I can't help but feel interested in him. I want to know more about him. I want to spend time with him. This is something that I simply can't ignore anymore.

At first, the idea scared me- for obvious reasons. Though, after I gave it some thought, I decided that I don't want to hold myself back anymore. I might want to learn more about Hiro, but I also want to learn more about myself. From what I've heard, it can be really depressing not to know who you are or to not accept yourself- and trust me, I would know about depression. I may only need to be on medication for another week, but medication heals the symptoms; not the cause. This means that I have to learn how to be happy by myself and I believe that finding who I am will help me with that. Since I have a feeling that Hiro can help me discover more about myself, I'm not that scared anymore.

If this happened last year, I would probably freak the fuck out, stay at home without talking to anyone about it and I would have a whole "am I gay?" crisis, all by myself. Am I confused? Yes. Am I anxious? Heck yes. Does this mean that this is the end of the world? No. It's very hard for me to do, but I'll try not to overthink too much from now on.

Emphasis on "from now on", because looking at my clothes is the only thing I did for forty minutes straight before I started writing. I even made my hair! I know that even if I don't want to think too much about the date, I still have the fear that I'll mess this up somehow. Even if it works out just fine, I don't really know what's gonna happen afterwards. What will this mean for me? What will this mean for us? Won't this be too fast? Am I ready to be in an actual relationship? All these questions are floating somewhere inside my mind but I guess there's only one way to really know the answers. That is to go on the actual date, which is in about twenty minutes. Hiro will come and "pick me up". I don't even know what that means though. Does he drive or does he just want to walk me? I'm doing it again... overthinking and questioning things that I will learn anyway, if I just wait twenty more minutes.

Scratch that; I just heard the bell! I'm getting my answers sooner than I thought!