I had to walk everything off; I didn't get home till it was dark out. When I opened the front door, the TV lights were flickering. I snuck passed, but heard a voice. "Jack...?" my mothers voice rang out; I winced. I walked to the reclining chair, the only nice thing in our small apartment. "Hey Mom. I didn't wake you up right?" she chuckled, but coughed. "No, no. I was awake. You ok?" I nodded. "Y-Yeah... I just had to walk a bit." she let out a deep sigh. "C'mere Jack." I walked to see her face; tan with long, natural dark brown hair. She wore a light purple turtle neck & the bags under her eyes were starting to fade.

"Something happened didn't it?"

"N-No! I mean, I saw Cas today but-"

"Don't lie to me. When was the last time you took your medicine?"

"... I'm fine."

"Answer me."

"..."

"Damn it Jack!"

"It's too expensive. We still need to find a donor for the marrow transplant for you & Jenna's bleeding!"

"Jack-"

"I promise... I've been doing fine."

My mom sighed. "What did I do to get blessed with a son like you?" I kissed her forehead. "Simple. The angel gave birth. I'm heading to bed." I said. "Jack? I love you." I smiled. "Love you too Mom."

I laid in bed completely out of it. Hours ago, I had gone off to my childhood friend & crush, jumped off a building, died, came back to life thanks to the same friend & she told me that I could be like her. I looked at my hand & noticed a black color on the tips of my fingers & groaned. "Why... why can't I be like you Cas?" I had always envied Cas; she seemed to have it all. The fact that she chose to hang out with me for as long as she did still freaked me out. But after she got her first boyfriend, she changed. She didn't talk to me, started wearing long sleeves & pants, even if it was scorching hot out. Then when they broke up, almost overnight she became one of the popular kids. I couldn't take it; I still don't know how I ended up on the roof & I still don't know how she found me up there, but it didn't matter. I rummaged around in my dresser for my old knife. Rolling up my left sleeve, I dragged the knife across my skin; blood slowly rose up to the surface. "Heh... glad that still works." I said, but soon panicked; the blood turned a purple color & wounds were closing slowly. I freaked out & cut on a different spot on my arm. Same thing.

Upper left arm.

Same.

Lower right.

Same.

Left thigh.

Same.

Right ankle.

Same.

Left hand, right middle finger, left palm, right palm.

Same, same, same, same.

All the same.

Nothing changed.

Why?

Stuck like this.

I'm fucked.

Not normal.

Freak.

Hell spawn.

Bastard.

Weirdo.

Man slut.

Whore!

Fag!

Kill yourself!

"I TRIED!"

Before I knew it, purple had stained my sheets & I was sobbing. "I tired..." I know that Cas wanted to help but she had no idea how much worse she made it. I looked at the photo near my bed; it was me, my mom, sister & brother, who died when he was 4. It was during Christmas & we were dressed festively. My mom was Mrs. Clause, I was a reindeer, my brother was a gingerbread man & my sister was a candy cane. I called Cas & left a voicemail. "If you won't kill me so I can heal, I'll find a way to do it myself."