After a tantalizing apartment visit, Mike had all the ingredients he needed, together with a bit less innocence. Kim would laugh at him if she knew… But first, he had to find her.

The sun was rising as he sat on a rooftop, using his soft hands to mix the hair, pepper, water and wink. He pronounced the formula that would lead to a disappearing spell that he, for once, hoped to fail.

“With human pain and earth’s tears, by evil and by mischief, make thee be gone from the eyes of all, for time only to reveal your presence again,” he chanted.

Those were the correct words. He knew them by heart, he had tried this so many times before. As usual, the pepper made him sneeze, leaving all ingredients to be dispersed by the wind into the magical scenery of a sunrise that gleamed over the most romantic city in the world. Or so I read.

After a moment of absolute nothing, Mike felt a familiar buzzing sensation up his nose and his vision was obscured by purple light for a couple of seconds.

It was just enough for him to try that teleportation spell he only failed half the time, and hope this one would work. It surprisingly did!

Suddenly, Mike landed with a giant splash in the very middle of the Seine. It startled the tourists taking pictures of the dirty streets and buildings that made the beauty of the Quays.

He sighed, which was a really bad idea considering that he was still surrounded by extremely polluted water; then coughed, which was an equally bad idea for the same reasons, and finally emerged with a couple of plastic bottles on his horns and a very old bit of newspaper wrapped around his face.

Mike was starting to regret Demon School. Maybe Heaven wouldn’t be so bad after all. But when he heard Kim, he forgot all about it.

She had been stuffed in a glass bottle and put on a fancy restaurant boat table as lighting and decoration.

She was, to put it lightly, slightly unhappy about it.

“How dare you! You bunch of uneducated syphilitic dehydrated llamas! Can’t you use those big fish eyes of yours? I’m a living being, for food’s sake! There is more intelligence in me than in all of your poor excuses of brains combined!

Open this Holy bottle, or I will break Hell loose on your flat, ugly, empty heads!”

Oh dear, she had learned some new vocabulary it seemed… Mike didn’t even dare to ask how she had ended up in that bottle. Sadly, I have absolutely no idea how it happened either.

He jumped on deck, startling the crew of sarcastic Frenchmen that called themselves professional waiters, and without a word opened the bottle. He looked at Kim, who was literally fuming, and decided it would be safer in the water.

The waiters weren’t as smart, however, and when Kim was finally a bit calmer, the whole boat was ablaze. It was a very pretty fire, very colorful.

Some would call it a work of art! The passers-by and the tourists applauded as the boat started to slowly sink, igniting anything that came close to it.

They really are crazy, those French.

“Well, I’m glad you’re safe and sound, pretty flame. I apologize for the delay, I was… Making friends, I think. Anyway, do you have any idea where to go now? We might want to get a bit further from the fireworks you rightfully started there, pretty as they are. I’m almost certain we’ll end up in trouble if we’re found…”

Mike finally realized the wet piece of news sticking to his face and Kim’s laugh hinted at the bottles still stuck on his horns.

He shook his head until he lost balance and landed on his bum, provoking an avalanche of laughter from every possible person or animal around. Which included a slightly less disoriented raccoon and his wife, that were finally out of that dark place they had somehow ended up in during their honeymoon.

They don’t recommend Hellish Travel Agency, by the way.