Winnie breathed in rapidly and realized just how close she was to having a panic attack. Daniel had been the only person to ever be able to comfort her out of one of her attacks. It was difficult, but she managed to keep her breathing normal. She didn’t reply, instead she turned her back to him so she wouldn’t have to face the man who had spent the past century breaking her bit by bit. Daniel knew that he had officially pushed her over the edge and that he was going to lose the only woman he’d ever thought he might have loved.
“Winnie, I’m sorry,” he said once again. His face was red with frustration and anger; anger at himself and the world. He wasn’t sure how he would survive without her. Her and her blue hair that always looked perfect, even early in the mornings. As well as her sexy body that had always seemed to intertwine perfectly with his. Memories of their time together replayed in his head. The first time he had met her, their first date, their first time having sex, their first trip across the world together, their first masquerade ball, their first fight which led to their first make-up sex. Daniel fought back the tears. He couldn’t understand these emotions that were filling him to the brim. “Please,” he paused, slightly overcome with emotion, “say something.” His voice cracked.
“I know. I know that that it is what you have to do to survive, something they made you do when they made you,” she stuttered and paused to compose herself. She thought maybe she had no right to be upset about him only doing what he had to to survive. After all, she didn’t get mad at him for eating or for sleeping. He always lies about it, though, she reminded herself. Maybe she wasn’t made for a relationship where it wasn’t monogamous, “but I can’t be with you when you do. I just can’t handle the lies.”
She felt a tear fall down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away and turned her gaze to Daniel. She stared straight into his dark eyes and remembered an abundance of wonderful memories they had made together. She remembered the moment when she had sworn to herself that she was going to get to know Daniel in a way no one else knew him. She knew she was the closest person to him and that she was his one true love; but did she really believe that she was different than all the others? She thought she had seen something in him that might be considered love. When she would look at him, she often caught him staring at her first, not lustfully, but lovingly, longingly. She really had thought they could make this relationship work, that he was the one she would marry and have a future with. Whether or not Daniel was the one for her didn't matter anymore. No matter how much she loved him, she couldn't let him keep using her like this and shatter her heart over and over. She couldn't fight him anymore, or his way of living. She thought maybe he should be able to live the way he needed to and she should be able to live the way she needed. She knew they cared for each other more than anything else, but maybe that wasn’t enough. She felt her heart breaking again as she realized maybe they were never going to work. It was something she’d put on the back burner, but she couldn’t ignore it anymore. She hated his lies and his games and the way he played. It made her feel degraded and disgusted with both him and herself. Looking at him this way, she had to resist the strong urge to lean into his warmth and kiss him one more time. She bit her lip and looked away again to keep from doing something she would later regret. Daniel felt as if his heart had fallen off the roof of the tallest building and shatter into oblivion. He just lost the one person he cared about more than anything in this world. He was in the middle of harboring a whirlwind of emotions.
“What do you mean? Don’t say those kinds of things! Of course you can. I mean, I’ll stop. I’ll stop. I promise. Is that what you want? Please!” He’d blurted it out before he knew what he was saying. He stopped his pleading to take a breath and make sure no more tears escaped his eyes. “Please. Just don’t leave me.” His voice cracked as he spoke. The room around him seemed to turn black. What once were memories of love and happiness, were now full of hate and heartbreak. He bowed his head and ran his hands through his hair. “Please,” he pleaded softly, completely broken.
Winnie analyzed the situation as a whole. It took all of her strength not to wrap her arms around her lover and return to acting like nothing ever happened, just like every time this had happened before. She sat down on the closest chair and tried to regain her normal breathing. She needed to get away from him. Daniel was her biggest weakness and they both knew that. He had used her, abused her, and played her like a toy. For a century. Hell, she was sure he was toying with her right now. Could she really find the strength to walk away from the one person she loved more than anything? Surely he knew how much she loved him, how he was her Achilles heel. He must have known how hard this was. His act made it worse. They had spent so many years together. Sure, they had their breakups, but they had some great memories together.
“I know it’s not the first time you have done this. I just haven’t said anything before this. I've ignored it for the sake of this-” She felt herself breaking more, “-this entirely messed up relationship.”
Daniel looked at himself in the mirror from across the room. He realized he was acting weak and his body stiffened as he glared at his reflexion. Suddenly, his reflexion was replaced by a mental image of his father. His father was a tall man, nearly seven foot, who always got his way. He was rough, tough, and all around, not a very friendly man. He had a muscular build and a brown beard that complimented his hard, brown eyes. He only smiled when he was around his wife, Daniel’s mother. His mother was an average-faced woman with long, black hair and piercing, green eyes. She had no special qualities, but Daniel’s father loved her dearly.
Growing up, Daniel’s family lived with a village of people in Russia. Their group was located very close to the forbidden forest. It was seen as “forbidden” because there were wild beasts that were thought to live within and it was not safe. Daniel and his younger brother, Nikolai, would often run away to play in the forest and forage for food. Believe it or not, Daniel used to be a happy child who enjoyed nature. This was, until one day his father found him playing in the woods. Sensing his father’s presence, Daniel felt a sharp pin of electricity course through his body and he quickly hid his brother in a bush and himself behind a tree out of fear. As if being reenacted, Daniel could feel the rough hands pulling his small body out from behind the tree. He could also feel the fists colliding against his cheeks and the knees pounding into his ribcage as small, blue eyes witnessed through the bush. His father accused him of what he referred to as “doing womanly things” by foraging for food and repeated how he would not have anything but a strong willed son living in his home. His father was a proud sexist, and always flaunted having sons, not daughters. Being pulled back into reality, rage overwhelmed Daniel. He would not be weak. He would not let his father down again. Finding himself drifting toward Winnie, he was close enough to reach out and touch her if he wanted.
“Whatever! You clearly don’t understand anything! If you don’t want me anymore, then fine. But you will regret it.” He moved to walk past Winnie, causing her to unconsciously flinch away from him. He gave her a hurt and confused look; she hadn’t flinched in a long time. He thought they’d gotten over that, but apparently he seemed angry enough to resort to hitting her again.
He couldn’t take being in the same room as her for one more second, so he stormed outside. The frigid breeze tore through his clothes and sent goosebumps across his body. It was raining softly, just enough to get his clothes soaked quickly. He sat in his car and punched the steering wheel, causing the horn to honk loudly. He started his car and placed his hands on the wheel. He wasn’t sure where he was he supposed to go. Winnie was all he knew in this town or hell, even this country. He rested his head against the back of his hands and screamed. He felt like his whole world had just tilted sideways. All he felt was pain and anger, he took a deep breath, started the car, and speedily drove to the nearest pub.
Winnie sat there, in the now deserted apartment. She realized that her breathing had gotten out of control and tried to bring it back to normal. Instead, she found herself sobbing. The tears fell as she sat there, feeling her world empty itself. Her shattered heart saw no hope. Daniel was her first love; her first real love. He was her everything, but she knew she had to fix this situation; otherwise it would have gotten out of control. Sobbing, she stood up and ran to the closet and started ripping Daniel’s clothes out and throwing them across the room and out the window. She was shaking from head to toe. Giving up on everything, she fell to the ground and screamed. She questioned the very reason of her awful existence. How would she go on after this? How could she get over him, without him? Daniel was supposed to be the one thing she could have and never lose. Winnie had been abandoned by her family. She had nothing left until Daniel came into her life. Now what was she supposed to do?
Daniel woke up with his head on his crossed arms that rested on the pub counter. His eyesight was extremely fuzzy. He tried to stand, but stumbled and grabbed a chair. Regaining some balance, he slowly started to walk. He was trying hard to focus his eyesight and fight off the alcohol at the same time.
“Get away,” he mumbled, pushing a blonde tramp out of his way. She made a disgusted sound, called him an asshole, and huffed away. He continued his way outside and finally made it to his car. He searched for his keys and yelled when he couldn’t find them. Frustrated he got in his car and slammed the door. He looked over to the passenger seat and found them lying there next to him. He grabbed them and fumbled to put the keys in the ignition. Once the car was started, he slammed it into reverse and started to pull out, almost hitting a black ford. He drove down the road to the nearest hotel, swerving the entire way, his vision wavered in and out. Finally, he pulled into the parking lot and surprisingly parked without any further complications. He stumbled out of the car and walked through the front doors.
“Hello, sir, welcome to the Biltmore Hotel. We have-” the man behind the counter started his typical speech until Daniel interrupted him.
“Please,” he started as he stumbled and gripped the marble counter. “Just- shut up and give me a room. I’ll pay you when I’m ready to leave.” He slurred a little along the way, but managed to get it all out. The man was shocked to be spoken to in such a way.
“Excuse me sir, but are you under the influence of alc-” The man sounded genuinely concerned.
“What did I just tell you? I don’t care what you have to say. Don’t make me repeat myself, Winnie!” Daniel interrupted once again. He pounded his fist against the counter and the man jumped slightly. He started to ask who Winnie was, but figured that would only anger the man more. “You won’t give me a room? Fine, I’ll get one myself.” Fed up, Daniel reached behind the counter and got himself a room key. He started to walk down the hall towards the numbered rooms when he stopped and turned back around. “You call the police on me and I will kill you with my bare hands. You got that?” Daniel threatened him with a look of all seriousness. The man’s face was filled with pure fear as he nodded slowly.
“I understand, sir. Enjoy your stay.” The words spilled out of the stuttering man’s mouth quickly. Nervous sweat dwelled on his forehead. Daniel scoffed, turned and headed to his self-assigned room. After fumbling with the door handle, he finally got inside. The room was small, dark, and smelled musty. Daniel groaned in dissatisfaction. Tearing his clothes off, he headed to the shower. The water was cold, and stayed that way, but it would help him clear his mind. The ice water made him shiver, but instantly cured the hangover. He looked at the rusty shower head and closed his eyes, letting the water run down his face and body.
Sitting on a bench in the rain at one of the many New York parks, Winnie kicked her mud-covered heels back and forth above the drenched ground. It was nearing wintertime, but instead of snow it kept raining. She sniffled and ran a pale hand through her black hair. She felt utterly betrayed and was past the point of return. She was exhausted and could barely maintain her alter. After wrestling with the fact that her true love betrayed her trust- and not just once- she was left with no other choice. She couldn’t keep living a lie. Daniel had been the main reason for all the love, the joy, the pain. He was the source for all the emotion she had felt over the course of a hundred years. One did not just move on from that.
Their love was intense, extraordinarily passionate and full of compassion, even if others didn’t see it. Winnie had loved Daniel with a willing and open heart. It was evident since the beginning that her way of loving was genuinely different from Daniel’s way of loving. She had questioned herself and endured others verbalizing their concerns that Daniel never loved her; that he was just using her for sex. After being with Daniel off and on for 70 years, she had become more certain that he did love her, just in his own way. He may not love her the way she wanted, but he showed he loved her everyday.
Thinking too much about her past, and Daniel, Winnie rubbed her face, only to discern that she was crying again. She wiped at her makeup coated eyes and cursed herself for ruining it. Winnie sighed and realized that she was left with nothing but questions. What was she to do now? Where was she to go? What was the point in living anymore? She thought about going to a hotel, or maybe a bar, but decided against it.
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