Our wedding morning passes by like it should.

My parents invite Nillin and I to breakfast with them along with my siblings and their spouses and children. It’s basically a full house.

Nillin and I sit at the end of the second long table, the furthest away from the head where father and mother are.

Diana, this sister of mine is several hundred years older than I am, asks me, “So will little brother-in-law and you be staying here with us?”

I know what to reply, but instead I glance at Nillin who smiles with a charm, “Maeve and I will be living in the palace of Aarth once I retake my throne.”

“Oh,” Julien, Diana’s husband, joins our conversation. “That’s great! That’s great. It’ll give the rest of us a place to rest if we pass by.”

“What is this Brother Julien?” Nillin hooks an arm around my shoulder, “You only plan to rest when you pass by our place? No plan of actually visiting us?”

Julien laughs and turns to Diana, “Your brother and his husband sure do know how to make us lose face. Diana, now we’ll have to visit them often.”

“Please do,” I answer in my sweetest voice.

Somehow, it doesn’t feel fake like before. It is as if Nillin and I are bonded together in one person, in one family.

All of this is probably due to Nillin’s charms and smolderness. He can easily talk to anyone of my family without offending anyone and makes them enjoy his company.

Although I know that deep inside is a half rotten man-ish. I know that sooner or later when there is no one around except for us and Cassiopeya, he’ll treat me like an eyesore.

“Children!” My father stands. He is about to do one of his boring speeches again.

He continues, “Let us rejoice that we have gain another family member. Son Maeve and Son Nillin, I know that you two have a long journey ahead and your final destination is not here. Seek us whenever you are in need because remember always for we are family.”

Similar to the ceremony yesterday, Nillin reaches out for my hand and answers, “We will, father.”

My siblings and mother stare at us with glee. Their hearts are one with father.

And yet, I can feel that there is a tiny needle poking at their hearts—something Nillin and or I have caused. Although I’m not sure what it could be at the moment.

I think my mother pulls at my father’s sleeve. She always need to remind him to do something.

“Oh yes. I’m so happy I almost forgot,” father’s eyes narrow down on Nillin alone. “My mother has asked for Son Maeve and Son Nillin to visit her as soon as possible. She also invites anyone of her grandkids who would like to go with Son Maeve and Son Nillin.”

My siblings hide their gasps.

Grandmother is not someone us grandchildren like to visit often. We know she loves us and all, but grandmother has a way of speaking that triggers our generation.

When breakfast is over, father asks that Nillin and I stay behind. I feel my soul shrink since grandmother was mentioned.

Nillin and I sit before the head table facing my father and mother.

The bushy brows on my mother’s forehead knitting together. It’s like she wanted to address something, but chooses not to for some reasons.

Once again mother and father give us some marriage advices. Stuff like a bumpy road and holding hands.

But what I hate most of all, the topic of children comes up again.

This is incredibly frustrating. We all know I can’t give Nillin children and yet they preach of the “normal” family: two parents and children.

We didn’t stay in my parents’ home for long. Complying with my grandmother’s wish, Nillin postpones his return to initiate the announcement of his retaking the throne leaving Nillin’s right hand man, Major Fagolan, at the breach with Princess Cassiopeya.

Trieu leads us through the mountains to grandmother for she resides only in the mountains North of us.

And in all that time, I did not bother rubbing any chemistry between Nillin and I as it seem he doesn’t care too much about me when Trieu isn’t around. We sleep on the same bed, but not on the same pillow nor share the same sheets.

I knew this truth about us, but my heart still know and feel the pain that is that very truth—Nillin doesn’t love me; and I have already fallen for his charm and beauty, his very being.

Although it is still summer where my parents are, as we climb higher the winter carves itself a path. Fortunately, this isn’t the first time my brother or I visited my grandmother.

We packed thick clothes.

“Let’s stay here for the night,” Trieu who is ahead stops abruptly.

“Alright,” Nillin gives Trieu a firm nod before instructing, “Uncle Griflet, please give orders to set up the tents.”

“Yes, Your Highness!” His men answers before Griflet actually relay the message.

I think the girl was named Caria. I go to her and help her set up the tent she’s working on.

“It’s alright. I can do it by myself, Lord Maeve,” Caria takes the sheets from my hands. “Sit over there, I’ll finish this tent quickly.”

Unable to say or do anything else, I walk away. I feel so useless and so frustrated—not sexually, just physically.

Fuck.

I cuddle myself next to a leafless darkfever tree as I stare over the snowy mountains. Frozen winds burn my cheeks and nose making me feel a little more hopeless.

Time becomes still. I can only hear my heartbeat throbbing recklessly as I fantasize of being loved by Nillin.

Then a cluster of snowflakes flies across my face making contact with the tip of my nose. I turn to see Trieu laughing with another snowball forming in his mittens.

“Why you!” A smile blossoms and my hands quickly make a snowball. Before I know it, my hand already threw the snowball and it hits Trieu’s snobby face.

“Alright. I might have deserved that.” Trieu drops his snowball and walks toward me with open paws in the air showcasing his non-ill intentions.

“So why the long face? Aren’t you newly wedded?” Trieu falls back onto the snow before me with his snarky face.

I roll my shoulders and avert my eyes elsewhere.

“I’m fine. Just a little cold,” I answer.

“Should I talk to Brother Nillin? I am your older brother, lean on me sometimes.”