[Martin]

I know I’m being a jerk.

I’m weak, and I have always been. Jacques was the one who helped me to be strong, and I tossed him away like garbage. I thought I needed to learn to fly by myself, but he didn’t take it when I told him. It all ended up in this huge argument. I still can’t figure out why I’m so heavily attached to him. I tried to find other ways to be strong, but the only way for me was to be near him, and he wouldn’t talk to me anymore. The only thing that could get myself to feel something at some point was getting his attention. At first, I didn’t even realise what I was doing.

It all started with his stupid notebook. That annoyed face he made as I took it was the only thing that kept me going. Then, when he didn’t react anymore I read it out loud. Until it wasn't enough and it was the tripping and the knocking on the lockers that started. My whole hockey team thought it was funny, and finally I was part of something. I was way too drunk on my own feelings that I couldn’t feel his until he grabbed my arm and knocked me back into the lockers, leaving me breathless.

I know I’m being a jerk, and I am now way too deep in to stop by myself.