As many people know, that today in the great United States of America, is pretty much a melting pot of different cultures, and different beliefs. Although, as Americans we are being forced to conform to the beliefs and cultures of those that have come to our shores. Not all immigrants come to our country and automatically expect American citizens to conform to their beliefs, customs, and cultures, but sadly many do come in our country with this state of mind. During my travels, I have been through and traveled in around fourteen different countries, ranging from Europe, Asia, Africa, and the Middle East. In all the countries that I have lived in or was staying for an extended period of time, the first thing that I had and was expected to do, was to learn the language of the local community. Although after acquiring the language of the local residents, it was quite beneficial for me, mainly because I could communicate with the locals, for example when trying to order food in a restaurant, or pretty much anything. One thing that I learned during my travels is that other countries do not conform to foreigners, foreigners conform to their country. Most times, when I got advance notice when I would be leaving to go to another country, I would learn many important phrases before I left, and pick up the rest when I got there. This was expected of me almost every time I left the United States, except when I left for Iraq, although I did pick up quite a bit of Arabic during my deployment, but all in all, I really was not sent there to talk. The following pointers may be helpful to some of the readers if any decides to travel outside the United States.

1. If ever in an Islamic country during their Ramadan celebration, never refer to Ramadan as Muslim Chanukah. It is very funny, and good possibly be one of the funniest things that I have ever done, but it could possibly get you killed.

2. If ever traveling in Mexico and are stopped or detained by a Federale or any other type of Mexican law enforcement, never declare racial profiling, it does not work in Mexico like it does in our country. It may seem like a good idea, but when bringing up the point, that this is what undocumented Mexicans claim in the United States, it will only anger them, and make your punishment worse.

3. If ever traveling in Japan, during the time of year when the United States is celebrating Labor Day, the Japanese celebrate this weekend to honor their ancestors, and loved ones that have passed on before them. More specifically in Okinawa the locals will put out plates of food beside graves and tombs, for the spirit of their ancestors to eat. Never get drunk in a local establishment and brag about eating the food that you found beside the road.

4. Never try to ride a tire, or sail in a bathtub towards Cuba. Not only will this confuse the Coast Guard, but it may not be the best of ideas.

5. If ever visiting Russia, never attempt to get a Russian lady to say the famous line from a beloved cartoon “moose and squirrel”. Not many get the joke, but if they do, they’ll more than likely find it offensive.

6. If ever traveling in England, and if you stop to take a break for a drink and smoke, at a local pub do not be alarmed if a British chap asks if you have a spare “fag”. Freaked me out the first time I heard this, but I later learned that the word “fag” is local translation for a cigarette.

7. Never visit or vacation in third world countries. I have been to many third world countries, but I have never been to one where there was not somebody trying to kill me.

8. As funny as it may be, if ever in an Islamic country, never ask a local to explain the process that makes their carpets fly. They do not think it is as funny as you and I would.

I hope these pointers, or as I like to refer to them as “unofficial guidelines” can be proven to be very beneficial to anybody who has plans or desires to visit places outside of the United States. In reference to the “unofficial guideline number 2, the term “Federale” is a slang term for the Mexican Federal Preventive Police. Furthermore, these 8 pointers that I have listed are from my own individual experiences. Individual results may vary, also take into consideration that not everyone has the same twisted sense of humor that I possess. In reference to Islamic nations, many believe that you should not offend them in their home land. At one point in time I would agree with this statement, but my mind has since changed, I am reminded every day of Islam’s hatred for my beloved United States of America, and how they have come to our land and pretty much destroyed our values, beliefs, customs, and cultural activities. Mainly because it offends them, if they are that offended by American Culture, they need to go back to where they came from and realize the need to practice what they preach. In Iraq, I saw an American troop gunned down, because he was drinking water from his canteen during their fasting period, during Ramadan or whatever it is. If anyone believes that Islam is truly the religion of peace, I would question your sanity, ethics, and above all your patriotism. Furthermore, if anybody has not witnessed firsthand the evilness of all Muslims, then you do not have the right or the proper knowledge to comment, especially in the defense of the evil Muslim.

So basically, if anyone is offended so far, you may want to put this book down and never pick it up again. So, for the liberal types that consider themselves to be true humanitarians, you are better off to not continue with this book, if the truth startles you, and you are offended by the truth, I strongly urge you to put this book down, and never pick it up again. For those of you that are aware and realize that you might not have all of the answers to the truth, I would encourage you to continue reading. After all the main purpose for this book, is for basic comedic entertainment. Most of the content of this book, will be comedic pleasure, but my hatred for Islam will also be expressed within the text of this book. As emphasized before, the text in this book, contains my own personal views, I am not a bigot, but I have seen firsthand what the so-called religion of peace is all about, and what they are capable of doing, and what they are doing to our country.