Oh, there never has been, nor will ever there be,
Quite a tragedy such as there was,
When Ollias P. Wibley and Horace Marley
Found a bottle of Larthinamsuz.
Now a bottle of beverage, no matter how strange,
Is a treasure to love and partake,
But fine Larthinamsuz had a devilish taste,
And to cherish it was a mistake.
But old Wibley and Horace, with tiny IQs,
Both decided to share in the find,
So they picked up the bottle and carried it to
Their small house next to Ruldovay Mines.
And it might not seem pertinent, but I do remind,
That there's hardly anything worse,
Than the strange crusty miner 'lives in Ruldovay mines,
With gaze like a horrible curse.
Well, old Wibley and Horace pulled up some wood chairs,
Placed their bottle on a table-like cart.
With a shoe and a nail as a bottle opener,
They had two large fine glasses of Larth'.
So, they toasted their luck with a clink of the glass,
And the spirits they chugged down like wine,
But the sound of the glasses had echoed deep into...
The strange, dusty Ruldovay Mines.
Now the Miner who heard this, he did as he does,
As a dry puff he coughed from his lung,
When he said, "Did I just here some Larthinamsuz?"
And he straightened his shirt from the dust.
Now, weird Larthinamsuz has a flavor like grass,
Mixed with almonds and sugar and veal,
And a texture like milk with a soury skim,
Plus a scent like three day old meal.
So as soon as they drank it, the two spat it out,
And with anger they turned to the Larth'.
With a swear and spit, Wibley gave out a shout:
"That $@!# tasted like watery barf!"
Then a knock on their door, which they opened to see,
The old Miner of Ruldovay Mines,
With an air to his voice like a dead mystery,
And a rolling slime covering his eyes.
The old Miner said, "Once, I will speak, this is true,
And an answer you will give to me,
If you don't 'Lias Wibley, I speak now to you,
I will murder old Horace Marley."
With a gulp and a yelp, Horace fainted from fear,
And Ollias said, "What do you ask?"
With a darkening tone and a venomous tear,
He said, "Did either've you save me a glass?"