Every Square Down in Squareville seemed lamer because
Of the COOL Grinch who thought he was cooler.
The Grinch hated Squares and the whole square-y culture
So he spent his days up on his perch like a vulture.
It could be his hair was too great or too fly.
(It could be, perhaps, that his socks were too high.)
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, His socks or his hair,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Squares,
Staring down from his rave with a smooth, Grinchy look,
At the lame loser bookworms nose deep in some books.
For he knew every Square down in Squareville below,
Was busy now studying, not in the snow.
"All they did was hang stockings!" He said with a point,
"Tomorrow is Christmas but they disappoint!"
Then he danced, with his body parts nervously swinging,
"And the carolers carol, not dance, all just singing!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Square figs and pheasants,
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their presents!
There never was noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
The one thing he wanted was NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Squares, young and old, would all go home and sleep!
and they'd sleep and they'd sleep and they'd SLEEP
SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP
They would drink diet soda, if any at least.
(Which was something the Grinch would prefer be decreased!)
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every Square down in Squareville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Squares would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!
SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Grinch thought of this Square Christmas stuff,
The more the Grinch thought, "I must groove all this up!"
"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST make this Christmas more groovy!..But how?"
Then he got an idea! An groovy idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A RADICAL, GROOVY IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch backflipped and said.
And he put on a really sweet hat on his head
And he laughed and he said, "What a sweet grinchy move!"
"With this weed and these moves, I will make Christmas groove!"
"All I need is some shoes..." The Grinch looked around.
But, since sneakers are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find some sneakers, I'll buy some instead!"
So he went to the store and he bought some sweet kicks
And he tied them up loosely and did a frontflip.
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,
On his cool "SmoothMobile" with volume to the max.
Then the Grinch said, "alright!!" and he then drove on down,
T'ward the homes where the Squares Lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. N'one was up, none.
All the Squares were all dreaming lame dreams with no fun.
When he came to the first house to make a homerun.
"This is stop number one," the old Grinch did declare,
And he climbed to the roof of the home of the square.
And he put up some lights, of the colors them all
And the speakers as well with a big discoball.
Then he went in the home, where he had to be sly
(But nobody's as light on their feet as this guy)
Where the little Square stockings all hung in a row.
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he moonwalked and slid, with a smile most pleasant,
Around the Square room, and he took every present!
Pencils! And notepads! pocketbooks! Pens!
Checkerboards! Scrabble boards! Chessboards again!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he danced to the icebox. He put in some cold beers!
He took all the sodas and replaced them with beers!!!
He cleaned out that icebox in the eye of a blink .
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of SquareDrink!
Then he stuffed all the drinks up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will cool-up the tree!"
And the Grinch grabbed the tree so he'd make it look sweet
Then he heard a small sound like the patter of feet.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Square!
Little Cindy-Lare Square, who could not even swear.
The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Square daughter,
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "Hey you look sweet”
"But what are you doing to our christmas tree?"
But, you know, that old Grinch was so fly and so smooth,
That he got on the dancefloor and bust out a move.
"Why, my sweet little square," the Grinch said as he danced,
"All you big lame-o losers just don't got a chance."
"So I'm making your christmas more groovy you see"
"And that's what I'm doing to your christmas tree"
And this upset the child, but he patted her head,
And he got her a beer and he sent her to bed.
And when CindyLare Square left to go take a sip,
HE went to the tree and he made it look sick!!
Then the last thing he left was some weed by the lights!
Then he left to his SmoothMobile, to drive out of sight.
And the one drop of soda That he left in the house,
Was a drop that was even too small for a mouse.
Then He did the same thing To the other Squares' houses
Leaving drips Much too small For the other Squares' mouses!
It was quarter past dawn... All the Squares, still a-bed,
All the Squares, still asnooze When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their notebooks! The rulers! The staplers!
The pencils! The stencils! Erasers! The papers!!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Bossit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to toss it!
"Those guys are so square!" he declared, "Man, what fools"
"They're finding out now that I made christmas cool!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then those Squares down in Squareville will all go WOO HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't cool! Why, this sound sounded lame!
It couldn't be so! But these guys were the same!
He stared down at Squareville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Square down in Squareville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any pencils at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from being all lame!
Somehow or other, the lame christmas came!
And the Grinch, with his grinch shoes ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It's lame with my lasers! It's lame with my moves!"
"It lame with my discos, speakers and grooves!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Coolness," he thought, "doesn't come from my STUFF."
"To be cool then, perhaps, to be kind is enough"
And what happened then? Well...in Squareville they say,
That the Grinch's small heart Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the things! And the cans of SquareDrink!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch drank some.