He’s not there.
After an eventful day, both at school and at work, and after receiving a promotion from my boss, I was dismissed an hour early and anxiously rushed back home to inform my boyfriend, of three years, the good news. The amazing news, in fact.
Dropping my backpack by the entrance, I search through my shared apartment but discover that Ario isn’t present like how he usually is… Which is odd. Usually, on a Friday like today, I would walk in and find Ario lounging on the couch either reading one of his comics or playing his stupid video games. But today, he wasn’t there.
I couldn’t help but find this really weird.
I walk back out of my apartment and knock on the door of the apartment next to mine. My best friend, Oscar’s. No answer. I slightly push the door open and discover that it is unlocked. As always, I walk in without permission, heading for the living room. Figuring that Oscar wasn’t in there, I continue to the bedroom.
“Hey man, have you seen Ario, he’s not–” I pause mid-step, shock immediately coursing through my veins. I knit my eyebrows together, my jaw feeling as though it has hit the ground. Taking in the scene happening right before my eyes, I crease my brows in disbelief.
The scene that is inside of Oscar’s bedroom… Involving the two individuals I consider to be the most important people in my life.
However, at this moment, I feel as though they are the ones slicing a scorching hot blade into my heart.
They're asleep, tangled in each other's arms and legs with the comforter covering their supposedly naked bodies. My boyfriend, Ario, and my best friend, Oscar. I couldn't bear looking at them anymore, so I do the first (insanely stupid) thing that comes to mind.
I ran.
I run out of Oscar’s apartment and rush down the stairs, out of the building and into my car. I have no idea where I am going. So I just drive. I drive fast. I pass many buildings, ignoring red lights and getting many car horns from other drivers. I need to leave. I can't see them. I loved Ario, I still do. What did the three years of our relationship mean to him? Did he even love me? Has he been doing this behind my back whilst I was away all along? Did he even think of me? And Oscar, my best friend. The kid I grew up with. My brother. What was he thinking? I trusted him! I trusted them!
At this split moment, the only thing I was able to determine was the sound of a loud horn blaring into my ears, and my vision becoming blurry and shifting into darkness.
Suddenly, I open my eyes, staring at a bright light. A white ceiling. Wincing, I look to my right. I see that my arm has a tube stuck into it. Frowning in confusion I blink repeatedly, trying to register my surroundings. I try to sit up but wince in pain. My arms, my legs. What the hell happened? I jolt up when I hear the screech of a chair moving across the floor. I barely turn my head to look.
Ario.
I look back down to my hands. The heart monitor picking up the slight change of speed from my heart.
"Ah," I curse under my breath. My left hand is wrapped up in a cast. I probably broke it when I suddenly crashed, trying to get away from… Ugh! How could this happen? I can’t believe the two most important people in my life did this to me. Since when was Oscar even into men? – It doesn’t even matter, straight or not, he still betrayed me… Does Ario even know that I saw?
"Dean, are you okay? What happened? I got a call from–" Clearly not.
"I'm fine." I hiss, cutting him off. Why is he here? The last time I saw him he was… with Oscar. I frown at the image that pops up in my mind.
"Oh..." I turn to glance at him. His focus is cast downwards. I am confused by his actions. Does he feel bad for what he did to me with Oscar? I look down at myself on the bed as a thought hit me. I nearly died. I hear Ario’s footsteps coming closer to my side and felt the bed slightly dip from his weight.
"Glad you’re okay, Dean." He whispers, hugging me from my side, his head resting on my shoulder. I ignore him, my arms are still by my side, not returning the action. I then finally turn to look at him with a blank expression. He was at the edge of tears, trying to force a smile onto his face. Guilt suddenly rushes through me. I got him worried sick. He thought he was going to lose me. He could have lost me. I reach up to wipe an escaped tear with my thumb but freeze. Oscar strides into the room looking distressed, but the expression disappears right after it came when he saw that I was okay. Anger shot through me, seeing the two in the same room. I drop my hand and clench it into a poor excuse of a fist in annoyance.
"Hey man, you okay?" Oscar asks confused, seeing the sudden change of my mood. Why would he ask that? The seemingly innocent question causes me to think about how long they could have been hiding this affair from me. I can pretend I didn’t know what they had done and wait for them to tell me themselves or confront them about it now. I chose the latter. I had an irritating feeling that they wouldn’t have said anything anyway.
"Fuck you!" I yell, ready to pounce at him.
"Dean, calm down. Your wrist is messed up!" Ario steps towards me to hold me back but I sharply back away from his touch.
"Calm down? Wh– you’re telling me to–to calm down?” I direct my glare to Ario. “I loved you! You betrayed my trust! You took advantage of my absence and you're telling me to calm down?" My sudden outburst causes my head to pound, but I don’t care at this point. I’ve been made a fool of and I’m pissed. Ario looks at me with widened eyes, his brows creased in hurt and confusion. Such bullshit.
"Mate, what are you on about? Did the accident cause some problems to your head?" Oscar says, confusion etched onto his face.
"You!" I lift my good hand to point at Oscar, casting him a cold glare and gritting my teeth. "I thought we were brothers! How could you do this to me?" He lifts his arms up in defence but was still oblivious to what I was talking about. How could he think me such a fool?
"Don't give me this shit! You both know what I’m talking about! I walked in on you guys together!“ Their eyes widened simultaneously, dread filled their expressions, yet they still stay silent.
“I– we…” Ario poorly starts.
“We didn’t want you to find out… Not like this.” Oscar mumbles so I couldn't hear him but I did and ignored it knowing I would hurt myself even more if I made a move at him. I can’t even start a fight with this kid. He would win. Not just because my arm is broken but because he always wins when we fight. We were practically brothers… Were.
My heart is beating frantically at this point. I look back and forth between the two, my heart feeling heavy like it’s about to burst out of my chest. They are both pathetically trying to look at anything but me. My face falls in disappointment, suddenly feeling numb. The fact that they aren’t trying anything to somehow fix the situation or explain themselves just sucks out all of the remaining feelings I once had for either of them. Looking toward Ario I find him finally lifting his gaze and looking at me with guilt in his expression. I shake my head and look down, a single tear sliding down my cheek. This isn’t going to work out. Not anymore.
"Before you get the fuck out of this room,” I push myself up into a half-assed cross-legged position, eyes glued to my broken wrist, not wanting to look them in the eye. I let out a long ragged sigh. “I want you to tell me one more thing…” I crease my brows, hurt yet still curious. I want to know how long I’ve been so stupid and oblivious. How long I’ve been so blinded by the idea of actually being happy to not notice this ridiculous shit occurring without my knowledge. I need to know or else I will make these same mistakes again.
I don’t hear a response, so I assume they are nodding their heads in silent agreement. In my peripheral, I see Oscar looking down at his shoes, his hands stuck in his pockets whilst Ario is silently standing, jaw clenched and looking at the wall next to the bed I lay in.
"How long has this been going on for?" I finally tear my gaze to look at them. Ario looks at me with a pained expression, taking his time to come up with the dreaded answer.
"About eight m–months." Ario forces out. Oscar visibly winces. I widen my eyes. My heart was numb, and yet, I was shell-shocked all the same. I’m clenching my fist so hard, I was sure my knuckles turned white.
My head starts pounding even harder than earlier. How could I have been such a fool to not notice what was going on? Eight months! I can not believe this. My breathing is heavier, my eyes struggling to hold in frustrated tears.
“Eight months? You guys had an affair for nearly a year? How could you?” I spat out at them, anger filling my voice. I surprised I hadn’t broken down by now; into a heap of bone and tears, yet I was still too mad to even think about it. I wince at the sudden pulse my brain sends and my body instinctively slumps back onto the hospital bed.
“Dean, take it easy, please.” Ario murmurs. I groan at the stupid request. Whatever, they can leave.
I hear the door abruptly open and hurried footsteps come in. “Sir, relax and breathe.” The nurse warns. I hadn’t realised the heart monitor had been going off so rapidly. I thought it was all in my head. I pry my eyes open to send another glare at the couple. “Leave.” I growl then look away, “No, Dean please just listen–” Ario tries. “Leave!” I cut him off with a hiss, pinching the bridge of my nose, tears threatening to escape from the corner of my eyes as I hear them sigh and quietly walk out. My heart aches continuously until I am able to fall back into unconsciousness.
Hours later, I am discharged from the hospital. My cousin, Quinton, is called to come and get me, as no other family member of mine lived close to where I did. The only people I knew were Oscar and Ario… But they are out of question. I need some time away. I plan on gathering some essentials from my apartment whilst Ario is out at work– I roll my eyes. Ario’s probably busy being with Oscar when he isn’t out. I’ll find elsewhere to stay for the time being.
Unidentifiable emotions course through my veins as I wonder what would happen to Ario, Oscar and I. Would I be able to get over the emotional loss? Are they going to get together and forget about me? No, they wouldn’t do that to me, would they? I’ve known them too long to say that they’d betray me in such a way. I follow Quinton out the hospital doors into the crisp Autumn air.
“Dean, you alright?” Quinton asks, looking at me with concern as we both enter his car. I don’t respond but nod my head, not in the mood to discuss what had happened. I don’t think I’ll get over this soon enough. As girly and pathetic as it sounds, what Ario and Oscar did has emotionally scarred me. I was so oblivious. The secret glances that I sometimes noticed but didn’t think much of whenever we went out together and the random times they moved spots so that Ario was sitting in between Oscar and I… Just to– to do this without me knowing.
We arrive at the parking lot of my apartment complex. It is morning and Ario is out at school. I groan as the thought seeing him at university comes to mind. Whatever, I’ll just ignore his ass. Oscar’s too.
Quinton waits in the car as I quickly scurry my way upstairs to gather some items. Walking past Oscar’s apartment, I pause abruptly. Turning in my heel to kick a hole into the wall next to his door. I spit at it then continue my way towards mine. Violently unlocking the door I step in and slam it shut. I just need to get some stuff and I’m out of here. As I pass the living room, I get a whiff of the familiar scent of Ario in the air and frown in disgust. Ignore it, Dean.
After gathering some of my belongings, I shove it all into a backpack and make my way downstairs. However, reaching the ground floor, I pause after hearing a familiar voice.
“Dean,” Oscar calls out from a few doors ahead of me. I barely give him notice and sharply turn and head for Quinton’s car. Suddenly feeling a hand grab my shoulder from behind I instinctively lift my arm to elbow him in the face. “Ah, what the hell, Dean?” Oscar whines.
“Leave me alone,” I mumble, venom evident in my voice.
“Dean, I really think we should talk, what happened to us three has messed with Ario. Real bad.” I scoff. Yeah, like it hasn’t affected me at all. I turn halfway to direct my gaze at him, my eyes hooded, expression blank. Oscar’s face falls. “And I know it’s all our fault but–” I shock him into silence when my fist connects with his face. His head turned to the side, lips set into a straight line, knowing he deserved it.
“Well then good, I’m leaving. Don’t bother speaking with me at school.” I turn and stride towards Quinton’s car, leaving Oscar standing there with a bloodied lip and sore jaw.
Although there were many questions floating in my mind I didn’t want to spend any time with him anymore. He could just lie to me again. He could have been into men all this time but kept it away from me just to make it seem less suspicious about the fact that he and Ario had gotten closer...
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A/N: Hi! this isn't my best writing, however, I did try. Please feel free to give feedback! I'd really like to know your thoughts on my writing as this is my first time trying something like this out... Thanks!
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