My work shift is over and I am completely drained from those long and tiring shifts. I was only allowed to take one break and I sadly I didn't get to spend it with Preston. I hate that I had to lie to him, but I can't continue to put off something that I believe will change... all of this.
I don't know if he will ever forgive me or if I'll even be alive for him not to. One thing I do know is that I cannot continue to put my feelings on hold, because of what other people think. The Journey is deadly. I know this fact for sure, but it is more than just travelling to the other side or about winning the money and fresh start. It is about winning this thing for all of us slums, scums, and clean ones alike.
I am day dreaming again. My aspirations tend to get too 'wild'. After I leave the clothing factory. I take my time heading home. I don't even ride my bike, I simply walk beside it. Once away from the factory district of the slums, the nights are quiet. The roads are broken and so are our buildings. Everything around me is falling apart with little to no effort in fixing it.
The moon is the only light we have in the streets and sometimes you will see a glimpse of light through a window covered with cardboard. One would think that our compacted roads would be filled with all sorts of unsanitary tidbits and debris. Unfortunately when you are dead poor, you tend to become more of a hoarder than a slob. A poor person will find value in anything and we slums have learned to leave nothing behind that can be used to stay alive one extra day.
I have made it to my tenement complex. I wish I could make my walk a little longer, but the Slums have a curfew that begins at eight o'clock. That only gives me an hour and thirty minutes to get the processing center in the middle of the city. I still have to tell my dad and brothers. They're going to kill me before The Journey does.
Here goes nothing...
"Have you lost your mind!" My dad yells to the top of his lungs!
If he wasn't bound to a wheelchair, he'd probably be nailing nails into every exit point in our house to keep me in.
"The Journey is a game designed to kill slums for sport! And now you want to come and drop this on me! Do you want me to die from a broken heart!"
My dad is very intense and hasn't been his self since my mom died when I was eight.
I have cared for my dad and taken up household responsibilities since he was involved in a factory accident. He is my absolute best friend in the world and I love him and my brothers, more than life. I can't stand that I am standing in our living room, watching him break down the way he is. He has never cried nor has he ever been disappointed in me. At this moment, I am witnessing both at the same time.
"Ari! Why would you do this to us! What have we done? Did we treat you bad or hurt your feelings? Why are you doing something so selfish like this to us, big sister!"
Now my little brother storms into the conversation. All seven of the most important men in my life are glaring at me as I stand in front of the front door. The sextuplets are built like mountains, well all except the tiny one in the family, still they are intimidating.
"You guys have done nothing wrong, Alex. I am making this decision because I want to. I-I believe this is the choice that will change our lives!"
Alex is the oldest of Ari's brothers and the most like the father. He is protective, head strong, and holds a strong sense of duty. He is the most mature of the brothers and they look to him just as they would look to their own dad. Alex is a boy who had to grow into a man's role way too early, being only fourteen years old.
His hair is a solid brown color, not as golden as Ari's (her and their mom is the only one with that color.) He is five foot ten and his legs are bowed. He has a wide frame and fully toned like a man in his mid-twenties. His eyes are always intense, like a man who will never be caught with his guard down. He takes his 'role' in the family very serious and even though he is the one being groomed to be the family leader, he has not once tried to claim or disregard Ari's authority as the eldest.
"That is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard." said one of the brothers to Alex, waving his hands in the air in defeat.
"That is your opinion, Yawny. This is my decision." replied Ari with a calm, but trembling voice.
"Your decision is bull crap!" yelled Alex. "All you're doing is standing there acting as if you are the only one who will be effected by YOUR decision. How can you be so selfish! We need you here and all I am hearing is 'Hey guys. I am your little big sister and I really can't take being alive anymore so... yeah I'm just gonna' sign up to die today!'
Ari is broken at this point and she is not strong enough to stand in front of them and not let her tears fall.
"Oh so now you're crying! When two seconds ago, you were so sure that dying would be easier than staying here and being a family with us!" yelled Yawny.
Yawny is actually the third oldest of the boys. The sextuplets looks are identical and the only separated thing about them is their hair, personalities, and clothes. Yawny is usually the free spirited of the six and he has never been shy to voice his opinion on anything, even if he maybe wrong.
"You two are not listening to me! You don't get it!" Ari began, tears flowing and her voice cracking. She doesn't provoke them with movement, she simple stays close to the door.
"I am doing this to have a better life for all of us, so that we don't have to continue to live this type of life. In the slums as nothing, but slums! I want more for us, mom wanted more for us, and so did our grandparents! This is who we are NOW, but it does not need to be who we WILL BE forever. Unfortunately The Journey is the only way to get there!"
Then I see a sight I have never saw before nor did I think I would ever see. Alex, he breaks down. He begs me to reconsider and he tells me that the only reason he is strong is because I am strong. I have never considered myself to be strong. They are my strength and I love each of them from the first head to the sixth. They are not just my brothers, but they are my sons and I would destroy this world and rebuild it by hand... just so they'd never have to struggle again.
"I am more selfish if I stay. Mom would say that faith is one thing, but without acting on it, it was pretty much dead. I am not just doing this for me, or you all... but all of us. I just wish you all can see that."
I tried my best to explain the madness that is swimming through my mind. Did I honestly try and convince my family of the impossible and the insane? I can't truly expect them to believe what I am trying to express. I think the only thing I have convinced them of... is their suspicions that I am suicidal.
The room is quiet and Ari's brothers have nothing more they can really say. They either have given up in changing their sister's mind or they are fishing for more words that may persuade her differently. No one says a word, until their dad's deep and sad voice pierces through the silence.
"When your mother and I had you, it was the best day of my life." He began, keeping his gazed locked with the tile on the kitchen floor.
"When your mother died, it was the worse day of my life, but she gave me six healthy and strong boys and that out weighed the loss... though losing her still hurts. Now, my only daughter thinks she can change an entire country by killing herself."
The dad picks up a glass cup and yells as he throws it at the wall. His tears are running from his eyes like people would a burning building. His eyes are red and veins punch through his neck.
"THEY COULD'NT CARE ABOUT YOUR LIFE IF THEY TRIED! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A SLUM AND A SLUM YOU WILL ALWAYS BE! YOU ARE NOTHING! DO YOU HEAR ME ARI, YOU'RE NOTHING!
The entire apartment looks at the wheelchair bound man and they are completely stunned. They have never heard their dad talk that way and neither have they heard him raise his voice.
He turns his wheelchair and starts to roll himself to the bathroom and before he is completely in and shuts the door, he pauses.
"If you're going to leave, do it quickly. I don't want to hurt anymore."
"After he said that, he just went into the restroom and closed the door. I don't know why I expected to hear 'I love you, little Ari.' like every single day before this one. I look at my brothers and none of them have moved toward me. I want to ask them for a hug, but I am afraid of their rejection."
I think to move toward them to hint toward the, much desired interaction, and nothing. One by one they separate themselves, our tenement isn't that big and still they found a way create a mile between us. The only one who hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek, is the youngest and the runt of the family, Craylon. He is mute and doesn't talk to anyone but me and when he does want to say something to me, it's usually in my ear."
He doesn't speak, but his hug is all I craved. It is like he gave me a hug that was from all of them all at once. I try my best to smile and I tell him to make sure that everyone is well taken care of and that dad doesn't forget to take his medicine.
Craylon and I hug one last time and he smiles at me. I want to break down and tell them all that they have convinced me, that my heart is too broken to leave them... but that is not the case. My hand is on the doorknob.
I am doing this for them.
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