I’m scared that I may not be alive when morning comes. Looking outside this cold hospital window… where the sun begins to fade in oranges and pinks, it really does feel that this may just be the end of me. Fading... just like the evening sun, but I will not rise again. I grip at the white sheets not wanting to acknowledge my fate. If only… if only I can somehow survive this, I will never waste that chance if it were to be given to me. But I guess that isn’t my story. I let go of the sheets letting the tears drip from my sullen cheeks.

In the midst of my fear, I hear someone knock on the door. There stood my family looking at me with sorrow and pity in their faces. That’s not what I want to see right now. Even my family has no faith that I will survive through the night.

My sisters come to my side while Mom and Dad stand at the foot of the bed. There was no end to my sister’s tears that night. I wish I could have comforted them, but my voice was lost long ago. All I could do was watch, unable to make expressions.

My mother stepped over to me and began to speak. And then soon enough, they all had their chance to speak to me. All of their words were heartfelt, but I couldn’t help but feel in pain… because all those words sounded like their last goodbyes. Tears streamed across my face again as they began to turn away.

Why?... just why did they have to say goodbye when I’m not gone yet! I felt as if, I would never see them again once they leave… I wanted just one word of hope, just one word that carries even the slightest bit of hope that I will make it!

However… no such words were spoken that night. They didn’t even look back at me as their feet swept across the floor towards the doorway. I felt hurt. How come they didn’t want to stay with me? When people are in their last days, isn’t it common to stay with them 'til after they have left this world? I’m terrified you know. Why did you turn your backs and leave me all alone? I never wanted to die, and I never wanted to die alone.

In all these strangling thoughts, night crept upon me. Looking outside the window again, I found myself thinking about when I first came to the hospital. I think I may have been too young to remember. I don’t even remember ever being in my family’s home. I wonder what it’s like. I wonder what homes are supposed to be like. I also wonder what going to school is like. I heard stories from my sisters, but I can never picture it. I would love to have gone to school with them. I also.. kinda wish that I could have met that special someone everyone always talks about. I wonder what it’s like to meet them. I heard it makes your heart pound and seems as if time stands still when you’re together. That sounds so nice, I wish time would stop like that for me.

Oh that’s right, the time. I look towards the clock hanging on the wall in front of me. It looks as though it is three o’ clock. My heart dropped into my stomach. I really wish I didn’t look at the clock now. I’ve heard scary things about that time. The one that bothers me the most is that I heard people often pass away around this time. I wonder if it was just a coincidence that I happened to look at the clock at three a.m. I felt even more uneasy. Now that I think about it -gripping at the bed- I feel as if my strength is withering away. Am I really going to die tonight? Alone even? It almost feels like it’s impossible, like a dream. I can’t imagine it happening. I’m too young to pass at seventeen. I wish I could have experienced a little bit of life before I go, but all I know is this lifeless room that surrounds me. What was my purpose for being here in this short time? Was I really born just to simply die? That’s so cruel… My life is going to end before it has even begun. I wish there was some way I can live.

I start to cry again, screaming inside myself. If I could just live forever, there wouldn’t be a day that I would waste.

Out of the blue, I stopped thinking. My... my body feels as if it’s burning from the inside out. Sweat began to soak the sheets below me. Trying to catch my escaping breath, my lips trembled. In my hyperventilation, I reached out in my mind. Hoping for reassurance, but there were no such comforting thoughts nor was there anyone here. I can’t process this. It’s happening all too fast. My mind flooded with refusing death as I shut my eyes expecting to somehow escape the pain.

That was when I felt a cold gentle touch on my chest. It spread across my body like a gentle blizzard. My body stopped shaking and I began to fall into sleep. Before my moment of sleep, I think I heard a woman's voice. I wonder what she was saying. I wonder if someone was in this room after all with me. Or maybe I’m going into the afterlife now. The gentle cold enveloped my body as my last thought slipped through my mind.

“If only... I really could live forever.”

That morning... I woke up.