I closed my door quietly so they wouldn’t know that I had heard everything. I crept back to my desk and tried to get back to my workbooks, but my mind kept looping back to how Aunt Cindy was leaving. To New York. On her own. When it was clear I wouldn’t be able to keep working I left my books open on the desk and laid down on the bed.

The theater troupe didn’t leave until late that night and Aunt Cindy checked in on me after a while. Even though I was upset I kept my cool and told her I was too tired to come out and help again. I must have played my part well because Aunt Cindy didn’t bother me again until it was time for her to to take me home.

In the car, I didn’t say a word. When I didn’t join in our usual car-ride sing-along, Aunt Cindy noticed something was up.

She turned the music down and glanced at me.

“Somethin’ on your mind kiddo?”

I turned towards the car window, hiding my face.

“I’m fine.”

Aunt Cindy chuckled at my not very convincing tone.

“You don’t sound fine to me.”

I shrugged, refusing to give in.

“Awww tell me what’s up, buttercup,” Aunt Cindy said in a funny voice.

Normally, this would make me laugh and get me to open up to her, but I didn’t feel like giving her the satisfaction.

“Cat got your tongue?” she tried again. “Did someone break in and steal your voice box? Sure is cold in here from all the ice I can’t break through. Come on kid, I got idioms for days.”

My brow furrowed with her every attempt to be funny. What usually managed to cajole me was just making me angrier. I huffed and turned back to face her.

“Fine! You want to know what’s up? I heard you talking to the troupe. I know you’re moving to New York. Happy?”

Aunt Cindy glanced over at me in surprise and guilt.

“I’m sorry, sweet pea. I-I didn’t mean for you to find out like that. I was going to sit you down and talk everything over ...”

“Oh really?” I gestured wildly, my voice raising in agitation. “And when exactly were you going to do that? Tomorrow? The next day? Right before you left?!”

My voice cracked and I slumped into my seat. I crossed my arms defiantly and turned my head away again. The sky had darkened so I could see my shadowy reflection in the mirror.

Aunt Cindy sighed and stayed silent for a while. When we came to a stop light, she turned to face me. Her voice wavering with a deep sadness.

“Listen Mia, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I’ve been trying for weeks to find a good way to break it to you. Leaving you and the troupe is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done and …”

Aunt Cindy trailed off, looking down at her hands on the steering wheel. In the black reflection of the window, I watched her gather her thoughts before continuing.

“This is a big opportunity for me Mia. I’m being offered a stage manager position at the Broadway theater!” She gave a half smile, looking conflicted. “Do you know how awesome this is for me? I can’t just pass that up.” Finding her stride, she turned back to look at me with a more earnest expression. “And I’m not leaving right away, you know. Things are gonna take time. I mean, I will be taking a trip up there in a few days to finalize some things, but I’ll be back as soon as you know it.”

I didn’t answer. Instead I continued to stare at my reflection. I had begun to breath heavily, cheeks burning with anger. Looking into my own eyes, I stewed and watched burning tears start to appear.

Aunt Cindy bit her lip. “I know you’re angry, but it’s not like we’re never going to see each other again. You can come and visit me, whenever you want!”

The light turned green, and a car behind us honked, forcing Aunt Cindy to turn back to the road. I stayed silent during the remainder of the trip and Aunt Cindy sneaked glances at me periodically. When she parked in front of my house I finally spoke.

“I’m not angry at the opportunity, I’m happy for you really.” I leaned forward to pick up my bookbag that I had put by my feet. “What I’m angry at is that you’re leaving me completely alone.”

“But …” Aunt Cindy tried to say, but I shouted over her.

“The fact that I can come visit you isn’t the point! The point is you won’t be here when I need you!” I unbuckled the seatbelt.

Aunt Cindy tried to reply again, but I cut her off.

“You know what? Just forget it, leave for all I care.”

I rushed out of the car and slammed the door behind me, burning tears causing my vision to go blurry. I heard the other car door open, Aunt Cindy was trying to catch up to me.

“Mia please! Let me talk to you.”

Without turning around, I opened the front door and ran up the two flights of stairs, booking it down the hall and into my attic room. I slammed the door behind me and locked it. Hitting my back against the door, I sank down and completely gave in to the tears. Burying my face into my knees, I held my legs tightly and rocked back and forth as I started to sob.

My one safe place was being snatched away from me and there was nothing I could do about it. I was doomed to suffer the fate of a hermit who would die of internal suffering and absolute loneliness.

A small voice inside my head told me I was being overly dramatic.

I didn’t care.

The reality was Aunt Cindy was leaving me and I was stuck here.

Unless, a sly voice whispered within my mind, You don’t necessarily have to stay here.

I lifted my head and sniffed, my sobs subsiding. I listened to the voice more intently.

What’s stopping you from getting on a plane and simply following her to New York?

Yeah … the voice was right. I didn’t have to be stuck here. There was absolutely nothing stopping me from getting on a plane and going to New York. I didn’t have to tell anyone that I was going either.

I nodded to myself. I could go. I had the means. Feeling more determined, I wiped my cheeks and lifted myself up. At my dresser, I opened the bottom drawer and took out an envelope with money I was saving for a car. I counted it and found there was enough to buy a one-way ticket to New York.

I could go, and I didn’t have to tell anyone.

That gave me pause. I stared down at the money and thought of my mother. The least I could do was let her know why I was leaving.

Steeling myself, I sat down at my desk and set aside the envelope of cash. Grabbing a paper and pen, I began to write a goodbye letter to my mother.

This time, I got to decide my fate. I was going to New York and no one was going to stop me.