Alexandra

“Hey, it’s been two weeks, Alex,” Jessica tapped my shoulders with a worry. She sat beside me, placing her tray full of food on the table. Her eyebrows met, knitted as she uttered more words in high yet professional tone.

“I am concerned of your welfare since it felt weird when you weren’t here. Especially those girls, if you know who I’m referring to.” She winked. I scoffed, placing my elbows on the table, and gave her a light chuckle.

“As if I care, Jessica,” I said. Well, I didn’t give my damn time thinking to those useless scums. She tapped my arm and asked what was I up to. “Tell me, where you’ve been all the two weeks you’re gone?”

“T-there’s something… you should know,” I said in a rush, stuttering. Jessica found my excuse convincing as she nodded and fixed herself a bit while sitting. Actually, I went to my dad’s cemetery and told him how much I missed him since he died.

“What was it?” Jessica leaned her torso forward with her face closer to me out of a habit. No matter how stressed she was at work and in her academics, she pretty excelled in these things. I gulped.

She stood and grabbed my hand heading to the student council room, lying at the end of the same building. The silence gave me a surprise. Though the canteen was on the other end, the space seemed quiet. A different view revealed in my eyes as she opened the office. “Come in,” she invited with a smile. “Nobody’s here. Everyone’s busy with the upcoming symposium anyway.”

“You seem a very busy woman, Jessica,” I took a few steps to enter her premises, having a good glance at the surroundings. It wasn’t a huge space, enough for the student council to sit and discuss important school matters. Bulletin boards at the corners filled with tucked papers filing on top of the other. Other materials for the upcoming activities are on the other side, next to her desk.

Jessica opened the windows and a soft breeze entered the cozy space. The lacey white curtains swayed, dancing to its silent rhythm. It touched my skin when I got closer to the windows and leaned forward closing my eyes, taking my breath in. “I guess it’s perfect to talk something serious here, Alexandra,” she said in a serious tone. I looked at her while leaning sideward on the wall where the windows were.

She cleared her throat. “About the incident two weeks ago—” She paused and stared outside in deep thoughts. I never saw her like that. It was a sight unusual for me as she often showed her cheerful, loud side whenever we meet. I guessed what she wanted to settle. “The reason I wanted to talk with you, Alexandra, is about the incident two weeks ago.”

“When Natalia slap me?” I said. She nodded and looked at me. She sighed before she uttered a word. “I knew you wanted to save me from the harm I’d get from them. But—" she pauses and sighs. "—getting you involved with this group of people is my utmost concern.”

“It was nothing, Jes—”

“No!” She interrupted with a raised tone, echoing the quiet room. “You don’t have to do that to me. What you did out there was wrong. So wrong.” Her strong persona faded away as her tears fell from her eyes. She looked away to wipe her hears with her sleeve. I didn’t get her.

I tried to understand her reasons behind her outburst. She tried too hard to keep her cool as the most powerful woman among the students. Yet she can't deny she's being human when she remained distant in the past two weeks. “I’ve had enough people defending me in my behalf. I’ve had enough people to stand up for me. I’ve had enough people sacrificing their selves for me.”

I remained silent, thinking building friendships with people seemed difficult to me. I couldn’t understand why they turned distant after learning the sincerity I have for them. All my life, I never built friendships nor comrades for that matter.

I only had my stepfather, whose only concern was business and my capability to murder someone. I never had friends. After three years, I decided to have one. Through Jessica. Yet, this conversation with her could be a sign she wanted nothing from me. The friendship I offered her would be a dust in the wind.

I felt fear. Fear of being alone again, falling into pieces like a broken glass without a fix.

My eyebrows knitted together and my fists clenched waiting for her next sentences. I wanted a new life. Jessica, please don’t say you don’t want me as a friend no more. “I’m sorry, Jessica,” I tremble. She felt surprised and jolted when she saw me in that state, facing down. “But I wanted to know why you avoided me all this time. I wanted to know the truth.”

“Of course. Alexandra, you’re one of the most sincere friends I’ve got and I appreciate it." Wide-eyed, my throat felt constricted, as if someone choked me. Especially when I heard those words from someone for the first time. “I felt so bad at myself I couldn’t do the same thing you did back there.”

Friends.

I looked at her and she remained teary-eyed. She added, “My mom…I’ve lived my life seeing her beaten up. My father was abusive to us. I could hear her crying all night. It hurts me to see her defenseless of what’s going on. She kept apologizing for my behaviors while in pain. She was a martyr. Even when my father left for another woman, she’s desperate for his return.”

“I’m sorry, Jessica.”

“Don’t be. You taught me a lesson, Alexandra,” she said.

“How?”

Surprised, that was the only word I uttered in a flash, clueless why she said it in a serious tone. “How could you learn a lesson from a petty incident like that? It was nothing, Jes.”

You didn’t understand why I had to do it. A person with a grievous crime to hide faced a thousand slap with humiliation. Compared to how you experienced, we suffered from the same pain. Like your mom, I was strong but defenseless.

“Before you, there was a student named Anna. We were on the same level and same course. We’re classmates. Like you, she’s a quiet, typical introvert living her life inside her mind. She doesn’t say much. But she’s strong, reliable, dependable among friends. It may appear deja vu to me, but, she defended me with the group of bullies. They slapped her the same way they did to you.” She paused and released a huge sigh as if it was the first time she talked about a sensitive topic like this. I didn’t say a word and waited for her to talk, finishing her untold story. “After the incident, she committed suicide.”

At that moment, she couldn’t hold her tears anymore and sobbed. She covered her face with her hands. Instinctively, I hugged her and planted her head against my shoulder. Confused, I raised my arm reaching her hair. I wasn't sure how to comfort someone. But then, a sudden ache in my heart told me to listen and did what I thought appropriate.

I touched her hair the first time, rubbing it down. My other hand pressed her back tighter. I closed my eyes in tears, trying to make no sound. “She died because of me, Alexandra.” She shook her head and added, “I don’t want to lose another friend because of me.” She cried until the bell rang.

Without feeling bothered, her tears fell that damped my clothe.

Ah! This is friendship. This was the first time I gave comfort to someone in need. I thought.

I glanced around and saw the popular students passed by, causing everyone became loud. And as usual, they strode as if the isle was a famous runway with other rich and fabulous models beside them. Those tall girls beside them—popular stars in the other college—looked more pleasant. Compared to these girls, they looked shit.

Ill-mannered, dressed like sluts. They munched their recycled chewing gums, twirling their oh-so-horrible parlor frizzy hair.

Before they went a meter away from our table, Natalia spun and gave me a mock. I didn’t react since I knew it would irritate her more. I stared at her. She scoffed, raised her eyebrow and turned, walking away beside Vanessa. They sat beside the university jocks, talking senseless things.

Minutes passed, Jessica began to ask how my life has been at the university and my family. Her curiosity warped as I failed to understand the next set of sentences while I spaced out. I began wondering for myself what’s next for me, I thought. Since the day I started anew, I remained clueless about what I was going to do with my life. All I knew was fight and kill. Other than those, I didn’t know what else was there as a substitute. Though I still felt great after comforting Jessica last time.

Then, a fine, young lady wearing the same uniform as Jessica’s, sat beside her with a grande size cup of iced Americano. She glanced at me with a blank look before she looked at Jessica eating her second green apple.

My eyes have been scanning her features from head to her torso like how I examined my victims before. She looked thin but not lethargic. She seemed lean, fit, like I do, although she’s a bit taller than I was. Meeting the woman named Marissa, though I wasn’t sure if I heard Jessica calling her name right, was the first time. “By the way, this is Alexandra Montenegro, a freshman in Fine Arts,” Jessica introduced me to her friend. She smiled. Innocent smile.

She looked Chinese with dark hair, dark brown eyes, pale white and fine skin, and pink lips. She might appear too pale but she doesn’t look sluggish. She extended her arms approaching mine and offer her hand. I flinched and immediately grabbed her hand. “I’m Marissa Gomez, a junior. One year younger than Jessica. A Fine Arts major and member of the student council, too.”

She smiled again and released her hand somewhat in a shy way. She flushed as soon as I glanced at her responding her grin. It didn’t take long enough for them to get back to business. A thing I never understood. It’s a student council thing.

I rather spent the whole recess thinking about my direction. The path I should go through and move on like I’ve vowed three years ago.

Belladonna has been dead and I have already buried her three years ago after the capo died. I longed for freedom for a very long time.

If I haven't met the mafia boss, my last victim, the chances of an escape wouldn’t have been possible. Especially for a notorious assassin like me.

After their continuing conversation, the bell rang. The students rushed and some dashed heading back to their rooms for their next class. One by one they stood and headed to our direction with arrogance. I wondered why since the exit door was on the other side. Without knowing it I already gave them a menacing look on my face.

Jessica and Marissa continued talking about the school activities. Natalia bumped Marissa with intent, causing the stains of her pastel-colored sleeveless sweater. She stood, provoking Natalia. “What the hell did you do? I know you it wasn't an accident, Natalia.”

Instead of apologizing, she mocked her and walked towards her pulling both of her collars. “Shut up, you freaking nerdy Marissa. I do what I want to do. How dare you look at Jay? She’s Vanessa’s man,” she said. The jocks clapped and chuckled trying to humiliate Jessica’s friend.

“W-who’s Jay?” she answered, trembling. That tall guy leaning against the wall, I assumed he’s the one Natalia referred to, waved his hand.

“Don’t act if you’re innocent,” Natalia said. That drama stirred butterflies inside my stomach. I clenched my fists underneath the table while looking at the ongoing commotion. Marissa, frightened and panted, holding her grip hoping for a release.

“I even didn’t know him, Natalia. Let go of me,” Marissa cried out loud. The latter continued tightening her grip causing her sudden submission. Her pathetic group of friends giggled loud.

When I noticed Jessica, she pursed her lips, as if she felt too scared to command. Before I could step in, Jessica moved to their direction and pushed Natalia. Yet the other girls, who hung out with the jocks, pulled her away stopping her. “Let go of her.”

Jessica wasn’t able to remain her composure. She continued cussing with intent, leaving some words inaudible in my ears. “Marissa didn’t do anything to you, Natalia.”

“You called my dear friend a slut,” Vanessa intervened and slapped her. “Don’t you dare call Natalia like that. I don’t care if your the student council president or a daughter of the school principal or the school owner. We’ll do what we want inside the four walls of the campus. Do you get that, Jessica?”

Jessica shook her head. “No, you shouldn’t do that. You know the consequence if you continue doing it.”

“I don’t care, Jessica. Who are you anyway to tell us what we should and should not do? Who are you against the daughter of the major stockholder of this school? You’re just the student council president and I’m the daughter of the chairman of this school,” Vanessa added.

“Just because you’re the daughter of the chairman, that doesn’t mean you can oppress anyone here,” Jessica uttered in staccato. Tears started to crawl down her face.

“So, now, you’re crying, you little—” Before Vanessa landed a slap on her face, Jessica stood and blocked her. Surprised, I smiled to see her defend herself this time without my help. “Stop, Vanessa. Will you? We’ve had enough of you. You have done a lot. Haven’t you thought you’re responsible for Anna’s death years ago?”

Vanessa scoffed. “That poor fellow.” She crossed her arms. “It was nothing on us. Her suicide wasn’t our fault. It was hers. It was her decision to end her life. Not ours.”

Jessica slapped Vanessa. “You are,” she said. People were wide-eyed and Natalia was jaw-dropped of what’s going on. Seeing the student council president in public outburst seemed a first time.

When I turn my head, I saw Giovanni. He leaned against the wall, observing everything that happened.

Would he remain silent when everything’s in chaos?

Vanessa got her first and the biggest humiliation from the students jeering at her. “You’re going to pay this, Jessica. Take note of that.” She turned away, along with her group of pathetic friends.

When I looked where the alpha male stood, he’s already gone.