{Chapter Seventeen}

When I get home Mom is waiting for me on the couch in the living room with Dad, much to my surprise and worry. If both my parents want to talk to me I get the feeling it isn't going to end well.

“Hey,” I greet them brightly despite having a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach about this. I put my backpack down by the couch and walk over to one of the two armchairs in the room to take a seat. After a moment of silence, with the them looking at me while I stare at a small hole starting in my black jeans in interest, I clear my throat. “So what are we, uh, doing in here?” I question, keeping my voice bright.

“Your father and I have to ask you something, and I need you to tell the truth.” Mom explains and I stiffen in my seat though I try to continue to keep my calm facade up.

“Oh?” I ask, my voice breaking a bit as the possibilities of what they could possibly ask me fill my mind. Does she know I'm gay? Does she know I'm attempting to start a relationship with her boss? Does she know about Ian? About the relationship I want with Ian and Jer?

“Levy, we know you've been hiding something from us.” Mom starts and I swallow hard as my palms begin to get sticky with sweat. Is she going to demand I stop seeing Jer? Is she going to disown me for being gay? Would she really care?

My heart begins to beat rapidly and I feel a bead of sweat roll down my neck. I wait for what feels like an eternity for her to continue while I attempt to look calm, like I have nothing to hide. But her silence makes things worse as my heart pounds in my ear and drowns out whatever she finally does say. I blink, barely registering that her pink tinted lips are moving.

“W-what?” I stutter, realizing that my body is beginning to tremble with the panic. Mom looks irritated that I said that, no doubt assuming I wasn't listening to her.

“Are you doing drugs? You know, hopped up on mothballs.” I stare at her in confusion.

“Mothballs?” I mutter in amusement, my heart slowing.

“I don't know what you kids call it now of days, Levy I have to know if you're doing drugs. We can get you help if you are, we can tell everyone you have mono while you're in rehab.” She adds with sincerity shinning brightly in her eyes. I notice Dad is trying to stifle his snickers, covering them with coughs but Mom barely gives him a glance.

“You think I'm doing drugs? Wait, is that why you were glaring at me earlier today when you came into Jer, uh, Jeremiah's office?” I ask, quickly correcting myself because I know she'll harp on me for being so informal if I call Jer, Jer.

“Yes, of course. Why else would I be?” she asks, puzzled.

“Mom, I'm not doing drugs.” I assure. “Why would you think I'm doing drugs? You know I've never been interested in all that party stuff.” I add.

“Then what are you hiding?” she demands and I sigh in defeat. She's going to find out eventually, l might as well be the one to tell her rather than her finding out from someone else.

“I'm gay.” I reply, biting my lip as my previous nervousness comes back full force. Mom stares at me for a few minutes and I notice Dad is looking at Mom, probably trying to gauge her reaction.

“You're gay,” she states and I nod even though it was just a statement. “That's all?”

“That's all?” I echo in half surprise, half in disbelief that she actually asked me if that was it, as if the admission was trivial or something. “I thought you would be mad.” I admit and she stares at me with an expression I can't interpret.

“Oh, Levy, I don't care. As long as you aren't doing drugs.” She adds. I stare at her in disbelief.

“I'm not doing drugs.” I manage to assure her, while I continue my attempt to calm down from the earlier panic. She nods her approval at that before shrugging.

“Well that's all. How did you do with your project?” she questions.

“I don't know, the teacher is going to give us a grade later.” I mumble before clearing my throat. “Can I go?” she looks surprised at the question but nods with a smile.

“Well yes of course,” she says with a chuckle and I nod, feeling numb. Of course when I stand both my parents stand with me and each hug me, probably showing their acceptance, or something. I honestly don't know what's going on in their minds but maybe they just wanted a hug, it doesn't really matter to me right now though.

I leave the living room and walk up the stairs to my room and push the off-white door open before walking across the room to fall onto my bed. I stay like that with my face against my comforter that smells like lavender. I realize my mom probably came in and washed my bedding, she always insists on doing the laundry when she's worried about something, even though I can—and do—do all my laundry myself.

I remember—in fact—one time when she washed my laundry and found one of Lydia's porn magazines that she insisted she keep at my house since her parents search her room all the time. I was barely thirteen and came home from school to have Mom ask me about it. Then she gave me the sex talk despite the fact that Dad had that talk with me a year earlier, and the school made sure I knew all about the reproductive system before I was even ten.

I finally sigh and push myself off my bed, shaking those memories away. I sit down on my bed correctly and contemplate what I should do. My first thought is to call Ian to tell him my mom didn't freak out about me being gay. But then I remember what happened and pain courses through me sharply. I swallow hard and lick my lips before I decide to busy myself with my homework.

There's actually a lot more than I originally thought and thankfully it takes me a few hours to complete with an hour break to eat dinner. I finish the last homework packet for Chemistry before I yawn and glance at the clock to see it's already ten. I put my homework and books away before I strip my clothes and turn off the light. I get in bed and close my eyes, clearing my mind so I can fall asleep.

~ ~ ~

I pull up at the school building, parking my car in the front thankfully and shut off my music. I get out of my car and lock it before I begin trudging up to the school building. Of course, this being not just Friday but also the night of a big football game against one of the private schools across town, everyone is excited and even more annoying as usual.

I walk past a group of jocks who are pushing at each other for some reason, a group of cheerleaders talking about the fact that someone named Stacy obviously gained ten pounds in less than a month which apparently means she's pregnant. I also overhear a group talking about how they're going to pull some kind of prank on the school today. And even the group of uninterested goth kids are hyped up about the game. I mean, I understand it's a pretty big deal because we haven't won against that team in the past five years, but I still don't understand why everyone can't just be calm.

I shake my head at the thought because I should know by now that I'll never be able to understand it merely due to the fact that I don't care about sports. Or winning a game against some kids I don't even know.

I walk through the crowed, pushing past bodies, until I finally reach my locker where Lydia is waiting. I contemplate telling her about Ian, and Jer, and everything else but I stop because as soon as I'm in hearing range she begins talking about Victoria.

I nod along and smile with her because she's so happy. Even though her parents still don't want her to see Veronica, and even though they can't be completely open with the relationship because her parents can't know, she's still happy. And I can't bring her down with my problems regarding love.

“So can you believe it?” she asks and I glance at her in question, narrowly dodging a football thrown by one of the football players.

“Believe what?” I question for clarification, opening the door to our classroom for her.

“That third quarter is already over. We only have a month, two? Until we graduate.” She explains and I shrug. To be honest I haven't thought about graduation much in the last month, I've been a bit preoccupied. Even now, I doubt I'll think too much about it, I have other things to think about.

“I guess, it feels kind of weird.” I admit because it does. It feels surreal. I've been in school for more than half my life, since I was five I've had to deal with school, yet it's all ending in just a couple months. We'll be released into the world as—mostly—adults, free to do what we wish. And in even less time than that, I'll be eighteen.

“It really does feel weird. So have you thought about your birthday? What are you going to do to celebrate?” she asks in excitement and I shrug.

“I don't know, go to a strip club?” I offer with a chuckle, ignoring the weird look the Chem teacher sends me as we walk past him. Lydia laughs and rolls her eyes, taking out her notebook along with the latest homework packet.

“Really? Somehow I doubt Ian would be okay with that.” She says with a small round of laughter but it cuts off when she realizes I went silent. The thought of Ian sends a new bolt of pain through me, making me bite my lip hard to keep from saying or doing something I'll regret.

“Ian wouldn't care, he broke up with me Wednesday.” I state in a monotone. Lydia looks horrified and opens her mouth to speak but the teacher cuts her off when he starts the class. I don't pay much attention to it though because my mind keeps traveling to Ian.

I ignore Lydia's pestering questions when class is over and continue to ignore her when we part for our next class. It's not that I'm mad at her, after all she didn't make Ian break up with me, she didn't make me tell him I love Jer, and she didn't give me these feelings for Jer and Ian. She hasn't done anything to me, but I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I want to wallow in misery for the time being.

Of course I can't ignore Lydia forever and at lunch I don't have any reason not to tell her the full story. So I sit down at our lunch table after I get my lunch and reluctantly tell the girls what happened. As I tell the story, from start to finish about how Ian dumped me and Jer asked me out, they just “awed” or cooed at me. And when I'm finished, glancing down at my half eaten food, they “aw” at me again.

Honestly I find it incredibly weird and a bit awkward. They're not exactly the most caring people, so them showing this much affection is just, weird.

“You poor thing,” Jess coos, moving out her seat to sit next to me and hug me. I glance at her out of the corner of my eyes in confusion until Lydia does the same thing.

“You totally deserve more,” Lydia says, sitting on my other side and hugging me. I find it really weird, especially since they really aren't that affectionate, or so I thought. I can't help but snicker though at some of the jealous looks I receive from other guys in the cafeteria who are sitting near us, watching as two girls rub up against me and kiss up on me to make me feel better. If I wasn't so disheartened by talking about Ian I would find the whole situation quite hilarious.

“I'll be fine, I'll get over it.” I assure but I'm not sure that's completely true. Ian is so special to me, even now, I don't know if I'll get over him easily.

“No, you have to get him back.” Lydia states firmly, pulling away to look across me at Jess who seems to nod and look at me.

“And we're going to help.”