The fact that I'm in 8th grade taking three high school credit classes, the expectations for me to succeed are out of this world. Recently I had a parent-teacher conference where my mother and step-father talked with my teachers about my grades. Now, I will admit that my grades have fallen far from what they have ever been in my entire life, but because of my grades being low and not turning things in ended up with me getting TONS of work piled on my head over half of which I don't understand. And you may be wondering why I just didn't turn in my work, or failed to complete it, well, I'll tell you. Around the begging of this school year I became overwhelmed with depression, it became hard for me to complete the simplest of tasks, in class I either did something unrelated on my computer, or kept my head down. I began to cut to try and forget, I locked myself in my room never to come out unless to get something to drink, use the restroom, or to eat, I began to detach myself from humanity. Now, I know what a lot of older people say, "You'll grow out of it, it's just a phase," bullshit Marie. I know what I'm going through isn't just some "phase" like dude I'm going through adult ass problems. But onward through this, let's get to the title, because as you read this mini-journal of my complaints and daily hardships (notice I don't use the word "diary" cause fuck that girly shit) these are my confessions on how I feel about a lot of things, each title dealing with the discussion in the episode. Anyway let me stop rambling on. The reason I'm writing this episode in particular is because in all honesty I'm tired. "Tired of what?" you may ask, well I'll tell you if you'd be patient enough to let me in a figurative sense "speak" I'm tired of having tons of work piled onto me everyday, whether it be the shit tons of schoolwork or my daily chores, which I don't do. I'm tired of a lot of things, like being yelled at for the simplest of things like forgetting to do something I was told, or talking to people online to help cope with my depression, which I feel like I can't talk to them about because they'd want me to get a therapist - or my mom for example - how I talked about in a previous episode about how she tries to connect everything to Christianity. I feel like talking to people online helps me cope because there are people that I'm comfortable talking to and people that can relate to me. There are people that I've talked to online for 3 years and they know me better than my own mom, these people I feel like I can tell absolutely anything and they will give me the most solid and cold-hard advice in the world, and these people - even though I don't really know them, or have never even met before - I feel like they're closer to me than my own family. I've realized that it's easier for me to write or text or type how I feel than to talk about it, making close relationships difficult for me because if I can't talk about how I feel how do we try to improve this relationship. I've also come to realize that I apologize a lot, I'll apologize over the smallest of things, like forgetting, or making the smallest mistake, but I also realize that I apologize so much because I feel like everything is my fault. Now I want to say this, if you personally are feeling this same way, please, don't be afraid to reach out to me, if you'd like we can try and talk you through this rough time in your life, because trust me I understand, and there are people that are there for you even though you may not feel like it, and I know it's ironic as fuck that someone who refuses to ask for help is telling you all this, but I'm being honest and speaking from the heart. If you feel like you don't want help like me that's just as fine, there are people you can talk to when you feel like you WANT to get help. Just in case you are feeling suicidal, or like there's no hope left in the world I will leave the number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline in the description, thank you everyone for your time and your support.