WARNING Self harm and suicide if you are triggered by this read at your own discretion

Anxiety makes you do things you never thought you would do I would say at the age of 9 I started doing what I now realize was self harm I was trying to cut myself with hair clips paper clips pretty much anything Sharp but I was never able cut through the skin it would only leave bruises one time the urge to do this got so bad that I broken a plastic hanger in pieces that was the moment that I realized why am I doing this why do you want to do this is it normal for you want to kill yourself is it normal for you to want to hurt yourself you shouldn't you shouldn't be planning out what you're going to say in your suicide note thinking about they'll be so sorry when they see what I did to myself they'll be sorry about how they act sorry about what they said I honestly don't understand why it took 17 years for me to get help I should have realized much sooner that this wasn't normal