Dawn came too soon. I was waiting on the front porch when Devin stepped out, fully dressed, a backpack cinched tight to his chest and another dangling from his hand. He smiled wanly at me; there were dark circles under his reddened eyes, and I knew he wasn’t any happier to be leaving the city than I was.

“Thank you,” I murmured, taking the pack and throwing it over my shoulder. I never cinched it; if I did, it would restrict my wings if we needed to make a run for it.

Devin nodded, though he frowned when his gaze moved to Jack. He had been asleep when the sun started to rise. I had carried him home in my arms, and left him on the porch swing for the others to find.

“Anybody else awake?” I asked, my voice low.

Devin shook his head. “They stayed up late last night waiting for you to come home. They know something’s wrong, but they don’t know what. Eventually, I… I drugged their drinks.”

“Good.”

Shock was written across Devin’s face, blazing in his eyes as he looked at me. The last time he had drugged them, I had broken his nose.

“I’m glad they won’t have to watch us walk away.”

His shock was washed away by a soft regret that filled his eyes. I watched his teeth sink into his bottom lip as he looked down; he was trying not to cry. I’d seen the expression enough times to understand what it meant. “I… uh, I’m glad I drugged them, then.”

A laugh bubbled out of my throat, and it was almost genuine. “Really, Devin?”

“You know I’m not good at this stuff,” he said defensively, crossing his arms over his chest with a slight pout to his bottom lip.

My laugh truly was genuine that time. Shaking my head, I nudged him gently to the side so I could walk inside.

We had a tradition, for whenever we were called away on long undercover missions without warning. The wall next to the door was covered in old notes of when we expected to be back. I raised the arm my comm was attached to, and sweeping my fingers across the surface of the wall made it shimmer, the writing disappearing. I rested the same fingers on my comm, closing my eyes and letting the message from.

It was short and sweet, and when I stepped back, there were tears prickling the backs of my eyes.

“Are you sure that’s all you want to say?” Devin’s hands settled around my waist, and he drew me back against his chest.

Normally, I would have shoved him away. Ren and Jack couldn’t get away with a gesture that intimate; Devin wasn’t close to them. But I was shockingly vulnerable in that moment, and there was something comforting about the way his arms settled around me.

It didn’t take me long to shake myself out of it, drawing away and adjusting the way my pack settled against my lower back. “We should leave before I decide I don’t want to go,” I said without looking at him, beating a quick retreat to the front door. I heard him muttering under his breath; if I had paid attention, I would have been able to understand it, but I always gave him that little bit of privacy when I could.

“Eli?”

I jumped at the unexpected voice. There was a frown on my face as I slowly turned. Jack sat up, yawning wide, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. I avoided his gaze as he got to his feet. His step faltered, wobbling slightly, as he stepped toward me. Jack curled his arms around my shoulders, burying his face against my neck.

“Did you leave them a message?” Jack asked, his lips moving against my skin.

I nodded, folding him into my embrace. “Of course. I wouldn’t leave without a word.”

“Good. I wouldn’t want them to cry too much.”

I shut my eyes tight as tears threatened again. Why was it so hard to leave? I had hated that city my whole life. Hated my life in general, being stuck, chained to the city like a hunting dog. So why, why now, when I was finally finding a way to be free of the place, was my heart aching?

“You don’t think you’re going to come back.”

It wasn’t a question, but I answered it like it was. “I won’t. I can’t carry out the mission and make it out alive unless I sacrifice Devin as bait. And I can’t do that.”

A soft noise behind me carried Devin’s voice, and my bottom lip quivered. What had I done to him that he was so surprised by that?

“I’m going to miss you, Eli. And not just because you’re so good in bed.” Jack tried put his usual teasing tone in his voice; it cracked, and his arms tightened around me.

I was almost trembling, and tears were spilling down my face even though I had just finished crying. “I’m going to miss you, too. Take care of them.”

“Me, take care of people?” Jack laughed, shaking his head, the soft curls of his deep purple hair tickling my neck. “You should be talking to Mother Gale, not me.”

“Well, then you make sure he takes care of everybody.”

“Will do. You make sure you come home.”

I couldn’t say anything to that. I was expecting this mission to be my last; I was hoping, a little bit, deep under my sorrow, that it would be. There wasn’t any part of me that believed I would survive, or any part of me that would lie to him about it. So I just pulled away from him, still unable to meet his gaze.

He yanked me back, and his mouth was warm against mine as he kissed me, a desperate tinge to what was always a mindless act for us. The pain in my chest was sharper than ever as I kissed him back.

“Eli, they’re going to start waking up soon.”

I pulled away from Jack, nodding. “You’re right, Devin. We should go.”

How many times was I going to say that before we actually left?

“I’m sorry, Jack, that you have to… be awake…” my voice trailed off, and I quickly turned my back on him, leaping over the steps down from the porch. Devin’s feet were loud as he followed me, but Jack’s steps were softer as he ran out onto the grass.

He didn’t try to follow us. Jack stayed only a few paces past the porch, looking small and fragile as tears tracked down his face. I hesitated for a moment- I wanted to go back to him, go to bed and pretend I’d never been given orders by the bastard who ran my life.

“Eli…” Devin’s hand settled on my arm. My gaze turned to him, and he smiled gently. “Are you ready?”

I nodded, again. I was ready. Wasn’t I?

I held my arms out, and Devin stepped into my embrace, curling his arms around me and dropping his face into my hair. My wings snapped out, high over my head, and Jack’s muffled sobs were wiped out by the gust of winds as my wings gave a powerful beat, almost sweeping to the grass.

Devin made a terrified squeaking noise as my wings pulled us off the ground, so I held him closer to me, my voice tumbling out of my mouth low and calming without any words. But my voice cracked. And I wasn’t sure which of us was better off: Devin, terrified and shaking in my arms, or me, watching the only place I had ever called home shrink beneath me until I turned away from it for the last time.