Sunday, April 16th, Morning

“Guten Morgen!”

There was an incessant infernal ringing tearing through my ears. My whole body felt numb- a tingling numbness, like thousands of tiny needles in my stomach, and spread outwards.

I looked down. Blood, splattered all over my body. I gasped, and blinked. Gone.

“Lyra?”

Blink. Blood. Everywhere. Blink. Gone.

“Lyra?” A hand, on my shoulder. I screamed and smacked it away, and looked, and saw Sirius, and saw the red stains dripping down his shirt, and the knife sticking out of his chest.

I blinked.

“Lyra… are you okay? Did something happen to you?”

I didn’t answer him. No, he hadn't been stabbed last time. And… I’ve reset time. Sirius is fine. He’s fine. I leapt to my feet and threw my arms around Sirius.

“H-Hey…” he uttered, “I can’t breathe. W-whoa—”

I loosened. I didn’t want to kill him.

He patted my hair. “Why don’t I put on some coffee for you?”

“Don’t.” I squeezed tighter. “Don’t go.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?”

Sirius did his best to nod while I was clinging to him. “Promise.” He backed away, slowly, as I let my arms slip off him. He sat me down on the couch. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you.”

I did my best to nod. “Okay.”

Before moving to the counter, though, Sirius grabbed the blankets from the closet and set them over my shoulders. Then, keeping one eye on me, he made his way to the coffee pot. When nothing was in his hands, he tugged at his sleeves. His eyes flicked to the coffee pot, then clock, then back at me, and opened his mouth to speak. “Can I ask what happened?”

Oh, yeah. No problem with that. All I need to say is that I just witnessed my sister get killed, my friend get stabbed, and experienced getting horribly disemboweled. And I just realized that I might need to experience this 8 more times, and then stabbed once more and die for real.

“It’s… it’s nothing.” I took a seat on the couch.

Sirius leaned on the counter. His eyebrows were knitted. His piercing stare and bitter frown would’ve hurt just as much as a knife wound, but I was numb. Numb, numb numb…

“I trust you, Lyra.”

Numb, numb, numb… Numb, numb—

“Lyra.” He pulled over a folding chair and sat down in front of me. “Do you trust me?”

My vision refused to focus on him. It made it easier to nod.

“Okay…”

I couldn’t move from my spot, and neither did he.

“If… if I can do anything for you, let me know.”

The rest of the morning was quiet. Sirius seemed to be waiting for me to say something, but I never did. Sorry, Sirius. I trust you. But I can’t tell you. No matter how much mutual trust there is… how could I ever get you to believe that I’m traveling back in time to prevent your death?

No way. I suppressed a laugh. I wonder if this is the bass solo I’ve always wanted?

Sunday, April 16th, Afternoon

After the performance, I fumbled off the stage, took off my bass, and found a place to sit. Eight hours to go. As I pulled out my phone, my thoughts were racing. Moving them away from the area wouldn’t work. The killer would just stalk them to wherever I placed them.

Should I intercept her? Last time, they were out in the open. Should I tell them to go somewhere a little more isolated?

What if she was lying in wait for them?

I gritted my teeth and pulled up the Redshift. I should have 8 more uses—

7 remaining, it read.

Wait, only 7? A chill ran down my spine. Was it because I died? Hm… perhaps the first use was to revive me, and the second was to reset time. That’s troubling. If it all went to hell, my go-to strategy was to just take the bullet. If I died, time would reset, anyways.

But that would eat two charges, instead of one. And I needed to make each one of them count.

My thoughts flashed back to my last moments in the previous loop. That girl, stabbing me, over, and over, and over…

For better or for worse, I couldn’t let that happen to me, anymore.

I need a new plan.

“Hey,” someone tapped my shoulder. I turned. It was Antares. His eyes flicked down to my chin, then back up to my eyes. “Lyra. Could you give me a hand with this?”

“I’m a little busy,” I said.

“It’ll only take a moment. I just need an extra pair of hands to carry the monitors back up to the clubroom.”

I shrugged. “Sure.” I can think and carry a monitor at the same time.

The two of us headed up the same path as last time.

“So, Lyra.”

“Hm?” He spun around, walking backwards. “Performance was a mess today. Bassline was all over the place.”

Oh. Again? “Er, sorry.”

“Did you tune before going on?”

“Of course.”

“Was your A string sharp?”

“Yes.” I wasn’t even sure, at this point, but I had bigger things to worry about. I figured Antares would tell me anyways.

“You forgot to tune back up,” he said.

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

We reached the Physics building. He shifted the monitor to one arm and held the door open for me. “Don’t apologize. Fix it.”

“Right. Sorr—”

Antares looked over, with his grey eyes, and scowled. Oh. He definitely wasn’t this annoyed last time. I guess I messed up worse.

I wonder if we’ll have this same conversation in each loop. He’s not going to remember the last times… I stopped walking for a moment. He won’t remember, and neither will anyone else. I won’t even have a proper chance to thank Mint, for trying to save my life. And no one will believe me, even if I say anything.

I am alone.

“So, what’s on your mind?” He asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re obviously distracted with something. Dunno if I can do anything about it, but I can at least hear you out.” We stepped up the stairs. Antares held the door open for me again. “After you.”

“Thanks.” He shut the door behind us as I set the monitor down. “Well, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“I am sick and tired of hearing that line,” he said.

“From Rayet, I assume,” I said. I knew they weren’t, but I asked, “You guys doing okay?”

A pause fell between us. It lasted for about a minute, before Antares refocused his gaze on me. “Honestly, I’m thinking of breaking things off. He’s a great guy, but…” He shook his head. “Hey. Don’t try to make this about me.”

“He does that to you, doesn’t he?”

With another annoyed look, he scratched the back of his neck. “Yes, he does. And so do you. If you don’t want me to hear you out, just say it.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you to hear me out,” I said. “It’s just…”

“It’s just that you don’t.”

“No!” I crossed my arms and looked away. “It’s… it’s a personal problem. Something I have to deal with.”

Antares hopped onto the sofa and stared at me. “You fingers are shaking.”

A wry grin etched itself across my mouth. “I hope you don’t go around staring at other girls’ fingers.”

“What, are you jealous?”

“As if.” I clamped my hands and stuffed them in my pockets. “I’ll be fine.”

Again, a beat. Shorter this time, though. “You’re not nearly as strong and silent as you pretend to be.”

“I’ve never pretended to be strong and silent,” I said.

“Okay, fine,” Antares said. He crossed his legs. “You’ve never pretended to be silent.”

Another uncomfortable silence.

I swallowed, and put on my best smile. “Is this lingering resentment at Rayet that’s coming at me?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

I bit my lip.

Antares sighed. “Maybe I am taking it out on you. But the point still stands. You’re not as strong as you want everyone to believe. And that’s okay.”

I let them fall to my sides, but, after taking a breath, I propped them by my sides. “That’s what it means to be the big sister. The invincible unni.”

But he just frowned. “You’re not my older sister,” Antares said. “You’re my friend.”

I didn’t have a response. And evidently, Antares had said his piece. I could only stand there, without meeting his gaze.

“Get outta here,” Antares said, finally. “Go do what you gotta do.”

I stood there for a moment more, paralyzed. An object at rest tends to stay at rest, an object in motion tends to stay in motion. But for the first time in ages, it felt like my thoughts had collided into a brick wall.

You’re my friend. I forced myself, with great difficulty, to turn around. “Thanks,” I managed.

And I left.

Like the ground opening up underneath my brain, my thoughts were in freefall once more. Is this how everyone sees me? Have I been treating everyone like this? My friend. The invincible older sister.

You’re my friend. I trust you, Sirius had said. Was that this loop, or the last one, or the one before that? Did I ever tell him that I trusted him, back? I do, but did I tell him?

But do I really? Did I trust him enough to tell him about my situation? About my feelings?

Evidently, not enough.

But that didn’t matter right now. I can worry about myself once I’ve come up with a plan to save them. Trust doesn’t save lives. Actions do.

As I exited the Physics building, I broke into a sprint. I need to find Mintaka. Last time, she’d told me to let the mark die, so I could see who the killer was. Not that it helpful for me, since I didn’t recognize that face, but Mintaka…

“Hey, aren’t you—”

Mintaka seemed to know who she was.

But… once I have that figured out… then what?

How do I save them?