It wasn’t long before I broke into a sweat, like my mom somehow knew that I ditched school. But there’s no way, right? Still… That doesn’t mean she’ll never find out, the more I think about it the more I start to believe in that Mom-Force that she’s always trying to convince me of. I wouldn’t go so far as to call this feeling “guilt”, more like fear of being caught. Believe it or not, my friends and I aren’t as rebellious as we might appear, the closest thing Freak has ever come to doing something wrong is when he stole a pack of gum from the Dollar Tree. As for Lou I’m not sure, she has a dark side to her that nobody really has the guts to explore.
Maybe she’ll date an emo…
Me? I can’t recall anything I’ve actually done that counts as “rebellious”. I mean, the definition of rebellious is a person showing a desire to resist authority… So maybe not eating my toast to dinner last night was the first step to my big teenage rebellion.
Or, you know, I just dropped it and didn’t feel like trying to beat the five-second-rule.
Perhaps you’re wondering where a ragtag gang of geeks go when they ditch high school. Well, so am I. All in all, we meandered down sidewalks and the old baseball field (which was uncomfortably close to the high school I might add) and trotted down to the walkway around Aliso, oohing and awing at the ridiculously expensive mansions crowning the rocky hills.
It’s an odd sense of reality to walk between the houses of kings and the streets of homeless separated only by a couple painted lines on the asphalt. I’d be lying if I said I have never had nightmares about my mom ending up on the streets, a blanket of bills keeping her warm at night. We are fortunate enough to have inherited our little house from my granddad. At least that turned out alright, though owning the little cube of a house doesn’t release us from having to pay for electricity, the cooling system, water, groceries and the like.
“Right, Grey?” Lou’s voice snaps me out of my cloud of thoughts.
“Sorry, right what?” I ask, shaking the idea of my struggling mother and freeloading father out of the back of my eyes, refocusing on the intense yellow sunlight the world seems to be over-saturated in.
Rolling her eyes, but not asking where my thoughts led me, Lou re-explains, “Right that I don’t have to tell you who my crush is!” She seems rather exasperated, her squint disappearing as we break into the shade of a gracious awning above the ice-cream shop resting in a little turn around spot just off the busy street above the beach. If there is ever a place to get ice cream, it’s here. Cars are lined up for a block on the shoulder of the road just to get their hands on the famous waffle cone. I don’t blame them, and I don't even mind the lineup of vehicles. Luckily for us, the shack favors walk-ups to SUV’s and convertibles. Standing inside the cooled little room, I shrug off my pack and Lou jams her skateboard in the corner under the counter like she usually would after school. Freak - being a freaking hero - stands in line for us. Lou and I simultaneously grab a small metal table by the single window, thin brass chairs screeching up to it. Tassels, Christmas lights and little Hawaiian hula dolls engulf every space that's not already occupied by movie posters and worn instruments.
“You’re still talking about that?” I ask, thoroughly amused with her being brushed the wrong way.
“Well of course we are! It’s like Freak is obsessed.” I roll my eyes, it’s not like she doesn't shut up about her dream guy or anything. It’s a good ego boost for me I suppose. “Dude, your face is pink, what’s up?”
“Pink? Oh, I'm just overheated. Freak had better hurry up with the ice cream.” I say, trying to be nonchalant.
“Now look who's dodging questions.” Her face is smug and her little nose ruffles, pressing her freckles closer together. Lou being so tan makes it nearly impossible to tell that she has a thousand little freckles scattered all about her face unless you are looking really closely. Not that I’m staring at her face a lot or anything, I’ve just known her for a while… It seemed worth mentioning.
“I just have a lot on my mind, that’s all.” Not satisfied with my answer, she continues to wait patiently. Noticing her cue, I decide it would be in my best interest (for fear of her starving me in her basement until I answer) to continue. “I can take whatever bull crap my dad has stored up… But my mom… She's so, so tired. I don't know what else to do to help her. As alone as I feel sometimes, she is the one who is really fending for herself, for both of us actually.”
Like a wave, that feeling hits me again, the feeling of drowning, of shoving my feet down against the sand trying to find which way is up and which way is down and only understanding that I'm under. The pressure in my head and chest building up, my lungs burning, a part of me wants to scream, and let all of the air escape me, just to rest and let the world go black. Lou almost gets the chance to see me cry, but I remember that my mother is in the same waters, and I'm the only one who can help her get back to shore. With the help of Lou’s gentle hand clasping around my own in one unexpected gesture, I am able to straighten my thoughts. Swallowing hard, my usual smirk returns.
“What?” She can't resist smiling back, acting confused.
“You're just so dramatic, Louise.” My ability to continue is nearly interrupted by an approaching Freak. Lou shoots me a questioning glower. “We all know who your crush is, you know that.”
“Preach!” Lou gives Freak a harsh glare, yanking her hand away from mine as he places her ice cream in front of her. “Strawberry for Lou, Fudge for me and Peanut Butter because you're nuts, man.” Gee, how original. “Now, did my ears deceive me, or did Grey actually agree with me about something?” Freak’s knees barely fit under the table due to the fact that he is a six two, string bean of a boy. Talking with a grin and a white, plastic spoon in his mouth, Freak elaborates, “ Because if you did take my side about Lou, I am pretty sure I just won like six different bets!” A broken laugh comes out of him as he nearly chokes on his frozen treat.
“No, Freak, I did not just agree with you.” Poor guy, he looks dejected. The spoon sags in his mouth along with his drooping posture. “I simply stated that we are well aware of who Lou has a crush on.” I have a strong urge to wink, but I win the battle and am able to keep it down. Brightening up, Andrew looks to Lou with his biggest puppy dog eyes and does a little princess pose. Seemingly embarrassed, (which is not a typical emotion for her to show) Lou shoves Freak back into his chair with a scoff and a hand pressed flat against his grinning face.
“Grey, I am willing to put money on it that you don’t have a clue who my crush is.” She retorts, her usual smugness returning as she leans back in her chair.
“Ok, let’s put money on it.” It comes out of my mouth before I can stop it, I’ve never been able to resist a good wager. “If you can tell your crush by the end of this week that you like them and it’s not who we think it is, you win and I buy the ice cream for a week.”
“And if you win?”
“Eureka!” Our eyes dart to a very excited Freak with a bottom jaw full of melting ice cream, causing him to have an open underbite. “If you don't tell the guy, you have to kiss Grey!” Oh my god, that moron! Her crush is me! And there is no way that she would ever admit that because she's, she's just stubborn like that! There is no way that she is going to kiss me either. I mean, I’ve never kissed a girl besides my mom when I was like, five. Not to mention that Lou has never kissed a guy. This is a horrible idea!
“What a great idea, Andrew.” She seems oddly satisfied with the bargain…
Please, no. I mean, kissing her wouldn't be that awful, her mouth looks nice… But, what would Lacey think? Any chance I have with her would be out the window if word got out that Lou and I locked lips.
“Grey, your face matches your name. Are you so afraid to kiss me?”
“Yes, no, I mean, you’re nice and I kinda like you as a friend so how about we don’t?” I can't seem to muster up a grammatically correct sentence. Something has my mind reeling - the thought of kissing her, of her kissing me back, it’s all making me flustered.
“You don't have anything to worry about, dude. I’ll tell the guy I like him.” A shrug of a sentence.
There is a problem with that, too. If she likes me, I’ll have to friend-zone her, and then we won't really be friends, we will be awkward acquaintances with Andrew in common at best.
This whole bet has turned into an If You Give a Mouse a Cookie scenario. There are moments in my life that I honestly don’t understand what is happening or why things are happening - looking back, I had truly believed I would have made friends with more maturity than a first grader… And even now I thought that Andrew was the only exception to that, but now he has Lou in on his shenanigans, too.
This is my life?
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