March 13, 2017

The sounds of The Little Cakery blended into the background as they always did. Flora sat next to the window, her back towards the entrance. Her eyes were studying the small pond while her mind was busy obsessing. In the last four visits to her doctor, there had still been no sign of the baby’s heartbeat. It was unnerving. Part of her mind whispered hopes of false positives even though she knew she wasn’t quite that lucky. There was a baby growing inside here; she didn’t know if it was actually alive.

But that wasn’t the only thing being turned over violently like a stormy sea. Four weeks had passed since she almost kissed Damian. She wished she could say it was the other way around. That would be so much easier to deal with! Yet, she was the one who stood on the tips of her toes and almost stabbed her husband in the back.

Why?

And why was Damian so cool, calm, and collect about it? At church they all talked together as they always had. It was like nothing had happened. For a moment, Flora wondered if it was a dream.

“You’re not mopey again, are you?” Damian asked.

Flora sat up a little straighter, bringing her eyes to meet his. Her cheeks warmed slightly. He gave that delightfully broad smile. She motioned for him to sit. “What are you doing here? Don’t you ever work?”

“Only when I feel like it.”

Flora chuckled.

The sounds of The Little Cakery filled the space between them for a very long moment.

“Is everything all right?” Damian finally asked.

“Yeah.”

Damian cocked his head to the side, resting his cheek on his palm. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure. Everything’s fine. Right as rain.” Flora gave as genuine a smile as she could.

“See? That’s not a real smile. Something is bothering you.”

“I’m bothered by you questioning my contentedness.”

Damian sat back, knitting his brows together as his eyes moved around her face, to her hair, to her stomach before holding her gaze another moment. Flora liked being looked at with that much focus. She looked down at the table.

“Well, I thought you looked upset about something, but I was wrong. I guess I’ll leave you alone then. See you later, Flora.”

Damian stood, but Flora caught his arm across the table. For a moment, she could only hold the fabric of his coat with her mouth hanging open like a zombie. Somehow, his attitude and his words combined to some finality Flora couldn’t bear. It was like this could be the last time she would see him.

Why was that so upsetting? And why was he looking at her with such tenderness?

Damian’s hand took hers as he sat. “I think we have something to discuss, hm?”

“Yeah. I think we do.” Looking around the cafe, their conversation would never be private here. Nearly all the tables were full by now. There were a lot of college students, but there were a few people Flora thought she recognized from their congregation. It could have been her imagination.

“Let’s go.” Damian stood once more, slow and deliberate, as if to assure her they would leave the cafe together.

Damian lead Flora out the doors, down the stairs, and along the path skirting the pond. The sun was so wonderfully warm on the skin compared to the biting cold of months past. All the retired old men enjoyed the twinkling rays of light on the water because the city hadn’t restocked the pond’s fish yet. Damian and Flora passed them by.

At the far end of the trail where the other set of stairs lead to the street, Flora took her place near the fence. Her hands rested on the wooden rail. Just like their last meeting here, Damian stood next to her.

“Flora, I’m sorry if I did, or said, something that gave the wrong impression. We’re friends. Kiran and I are friends. And you are friends with Susan….” Damian’s voice trailed off.

“I know. And I really am the sorry one. But I promise, it’s not you.” Sighing, Flora folded her arms in front of her, leaning against the railing. “It’s me; my stupid pregnant hormones and stress.”

“Mm.” Damian nodded. “I guess I’m just confused. I assumed that advance was only for Kiran. Are you two okay?”

Flora’s heart sank. She swallowed against the lump in her throat trying not to cry. “Ever since this pregnancy started, we’ve become these strangers living in the same house. We occasionally watch movies or joke around, but he prefers the shop. Or anywhere that isn’t home.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. In my mind, at least, nothing serious happened.”

Damian turned to look at her. “Did you ever tell Kiran?”

“No. Did you ever tell Susan?”

“God, no.”

Silence fell between the two for what felt like a long time. “I don’t really know why,” Flora said, “but it’s confusing to be around you. It’s strange, but when we first met you asked if we knew each other and I know we never have…but…”

“It feels like we’ve always known each other?”

Flora nodded.

“At least I’m not the only one who feels that way. For the last almost four months I’ve had the feeling I woke up one day, living in Tigard with Susan, but I can’t really remember doing it. I have these memories but it’s strange. I don’t know how I got here. And it feels like there’s something missing, but I don’t know what it is. I love Susan, but…” Damian sighed. “But there’s something I can’t put my finger on that’s wrong. We’ve been together all these years but we don’t like each other anymore. We have so little in common I can’t even remember why we got married. And it’s been getting worse, bit-by-bit, every day.”

The silence fell between them once again. Flora turned to face Damian fully; studying him; unflinching when her eyes met Damian’s. “Maybe it’s best if we’re not alone anymore for a while. It sounds like you have things to figure out in your marriage. And I’m just a ball of raging hormones so…I don’t want to risk anything.”

Damian smiled slightly. “I think that’s the responsible thing to do.” He looked back toward the cafe, then back to his companion. “I suppose I’ll go work now. I hope you and Kiran can work things out, too. Seems a shame not to take advantage of those raging hormones.”

With a playful wink, Damian left.