March 24, 2017

Flora’s phone chimed in the living room while she made lunch. It wasn’t anything special—an egg salad sandwich on sourdough—but the house was so quiet Flora nearly dropped her plate.

“Hello?” Flora said with a sigh.

“Hey, Flora! It’s Susan.” Susan sounded more chipper than normal.

“Well, hello there. What’s up?”

“I’m on my way to a meeting, but Damian told me your big news, so I wanted to drop in. Is that alright?”

“Oh, sure. I’m just having lunch at home.”

“I thought you’d be at The Little Cakery again,” Damian laughed in the background. The call must have been on speaker-phone.

Flora chuckled. “I’ve been there too much; my doctor yelled at me.”

Susan and Damian chuckled, too. “We’re ten minutes out,” Susan said. “See you soon!”

“See you soon.”

The call ended, Flora ate her lunch, and her mess was cleaned just as the couple pulled into the driveway. Flora stood out on the porch, greeting them with a wave and one of her more genuine smiles.

“Hello, hello!” Susan threw her arms open, pulling Flora into a tight embrace. “I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you!”

“I know! We talk at church, but I can’t remember the last time we actually hung out.” Flora offered a small smile to Damian before leading the way inside to the family room.

“We can’t stay too long since I have to drop Damian back at home, but I wanted to see you.” Susan sat across from Flora’s chair. “How are you? How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling fine. What meeting are you going to?” Flora’s eyes flickered with concern as she looked between the couple.

“It’s just a work thing. They sent a bunch of us home way early since most of us have been working eighty-hour-weeks, but then they forgot about this meeting and called us all back and it’s just complete garbage.” Waving the conversation aside, Susan scooted to the edge of her seat. “Seriously, though. How are you? Damian told me about your…hard times.”

“Oh,” Flora deflated. “I promise you both, I’m okay. We have an appointment next week for an ultrasound and to hear the heartbeat. We’ll know more after that, so fingers crossed.”

“What if…there isn’t one?” Damian asked.

“That’s why they’re doing an ultrasound, too. With any luck, they’ll hear its heart, see it move, or both.”

Damian nodded, taking Susan’s hand in his. Whatever Damian told her before clearly upset the woman from how tightly knitted together her eyebrows were. She looked so distressed; helpless.

“We all just need to pray so your baby will be fine.” Susan took her hand back, scooting a few inches away. “Before we head out, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Can I plan your baby shower?”

Flora grimaced.

“It’ll be a lot of fun! And it’ll be whenever you guys want!”

“I…I don’t know.”

“I know it’s one of the last things on your mind, but you have to think positive, right? It doesn’t have to be planned right now, but maybe it’ll give you something else to look forward to?”

Flora didn’t want a baby shower. But she couldn’t say that to her friend. What if there was no baby? What if this baby dies, too? What if they had the shower and then the baby died, like Rebecca did? They’d be stuck with all that baby stuff again…

“I’ll think about it. Okay?”

“Good enough!” Susan stood, pumping her fists into the air triumphantly. “I suppose we should be going. Gotta get Damian home now.”

“If you’re in a hurry, I’ll walk home.” Damian muttered.

“You’re not walking home,” Flora insisted. “Susan, you get yourself to work on time, and I’ll take Damian home. No worries.”

“You sure that’s not imposing?” Susan asked.

“God no! It’ll be fine. I honestly haven’t been out of the house for three days, so it’d be good for me.”

Susan’s annoyed expression softened as she embraced Flora again. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. See you later!”

Susan was out the door in a flash. Damian waved to his wife from the porch. “Bye, honey! Love you!” With a sarcastic smile, Susan got in the car and drove off, leaving Flora and Damian behind.

“Are…you two okay?” Flora returned to the couch in the family room. She sat with her back against the armrest and bent knees. For once, she was the one looking at Damian with worry.

“Yes and no.” Damian sat at the other end of the couch. “She’s just pissed because she wants to move back to Idaho and I don’t.”

“Why does she want to move? She doesn’t like it here?”

“Eh, she’s just homesick. And I totally get that. But, before we moved, I told her this was a permanent move. She had two months to think about it, and then she agreed. She knew I had absolutely no desire to move back.

“But she’s struggling at work, at church, and she misses her friends, so…yeah. We got in a fight yesterday and I told her if she wants to go back, it’d be without a husband.”

“Wow,” Flora sighed. The move from Tillamook was hard enough, but she couldn’t imagine moving to a new state. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Damian stretched out a bit, relaxing more now that Susan was gone. “I’ll buy her a plane ticket to go visit in a few weeks. That’ll make her happy. And if we have to do that a few times a year or so, it’s worth it, right?”

“’Happy wife, happy life,’ as they say.” Flora was silent for a long moment. “While you’re here…can we talk about something?”

“Always. What’s on your mind?”

Flora blushed deeply. No matter how many times she rehearsed this conversation, she knew it was going to sound crazy.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said before: the familiarity between us, fuzzy memories, things like that. I’ve always had periods of time that feel somehow disconnected. I know I love Kiran, but a lot of our history, when I really think about it, feels…superficial. Like, we had a long-distance relationship for at least a year, but I don’t remember how we actually managed that.

“So I started going back through all my journals and…I found some really weird things I don’t remember writing.”

Damian sat forward with his elbows on his knees. “About what?”

Flora covered her face with her hands. “It’s really embarrassing…”

“Tell me anyway.”

Flora bit her lip, trying to find the words that couldn’t form. Shaking her head, Flora said, “Forget it. It’s nothing.”

“Was it about a Trial?”

Flora’s face snapped back up to Damian. Everything about his expression was serious. “How did…?”

“A while back I wrote some pretty strange things about a Trail, needing to succeed, and a life before I can’t remember. I never shared it with anyone. Well, until now.”

All she could do was stare slack-jawed, mind reeling.

Damian scooted close to her. “What surprised me more than that, though, was this part about a woman I knew. She was beautiful with these alluring green eyes like yours, long brown hair, sweet lips…” He moved a little closer to her, close to her feet tucked into the cushion. “We were friends then. I made fun of her name when we met, but she didn’t mind. And over time, I fell in love with her.”

The way Damian looked at Flora made her heart race. There was something so familiar about them together, almost like deja vu. Maybe one night she dreamed this? Flora slid her feet off the couch, slowly swinging her hips to sit close to him.

“What was her name?” Flora whispered, looking up to him under her lashes.

With a grin, Damian brought his lips close to her ear. “Flora,” he whispered back letting the heat of his breath caress her skin. Flora suppressed a shiver as he met her eyes again. He brushed a lock of hair away from her face, looking at her in a way Kiran hadn’t in ages.

Flora cupped his cheek as she leaned in and kissed his lips. They were so soft, so warm; so familiar, yet foreign. His arms enveloped her, caressing her. Pressing into his arms, Flora opened her mouth with a soft moan just enough to let their tongues dance together. Such a wonderfully indescribable taste! Her hands wrapped around Damian, pulling him closer. Another moan sounded from her throat as Damian pulled her onto his lap.

Knock, knock, knock.

Flora’s heart was pounding hard in her chest as her eyes jumped to the door.

“Expecting company?” Damian asked breathless.

“Not at all.”

With a deep breath, Flora walked to the door, pulling it open as casually as she could. Heinrick stood on porch.

“Hey, you.”

“Oh my gosh!” Flora swung her arms around his neck, squealing with excitement. “What are you doing here?”

“Kiran didn’t tell you?”

“Apparently not,” Flora stepped aside to let her husband’s best friend inside. Her heart settled slightly with a quick glance at Damian as relaxed and nonchalant as always.

“Oh, sorry. Didn’t know you had company,” Heinrick said.

“Oh, hush. This is Damian; he’s a friend from church. Damian, this is Heinrick, Kiran’s best friend since forever.”

“A pleasure to meet you.” Damian shook hands before settling back into the couch like nothing happened.

“Same.” Heinrick turned to Flora. “Since he forgot to tell you I’m moving to Tigard. Well, moved at this point, but still.”

“Really? That’s great!”

“Should be. Where’s Kiran?”

“He’s at the shop today.”

“Really? He said he might take the day off today.”

Flora’s chest tightened. She managed a smile. “Try the shop. He might just be working until you show up.”

“Alright. Will do. Thanks, Flora!” Heinrick gave a quick hug before he left.

“Have fun!” Flora waited until Heinrick’s car was out of sight to close the door.

Silence.

“Are you okay?” Damian asked.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Kiran’s best friend moves to town, he doesn’t say anything, and he’s taking time off for him? Doesn’t that bother you?”

Flora sighed. “Yes. It really does. A lot. But I get it. The last time we miscarried, he would work four ten-hour shifts, then go to Tillamook for two days. He does it to cope.” No amount of vocalizing that truth would make it easier to handle herself. She couldn’t run away; why could he?

Damian wrapped his arms around her waist resting his chin on her shoulder. She shouldn’t enjoy the embrace of another man, but as lonely as Flora was, she couldn’t help it. God was she lonely!

“I should go. But before I do…are we going to be friends? Or is that impossible now?”

“Do you really think it’s possible?” Flora’s hands rested on his arms.

Damian chuckled. “No, I suppose not. After all, we’ve basically come to the same insane conclusion that not only have we met before, but we loved each other, too. It’s impossible, and insane, but I believe it. Do you?”

“It makes my head hurt, but…yes. I do believe it. I just don’t want to hurt Kiran.”

Flora’s head tipped back as Damian kissed her neck.

“Perhaps the best thing to do, for now, is to forget about this and pretend it never happened. Maybe in a few weeks we can try to be friends again.”

Turning around to meet his gaze and clasping her hands on the back of his neck, Flora said, “What if we can’t just be friends?”

“Let’s cross that road when, or if, we get there.” Her lips pressed to his once more, savoring the salty sweet taste before they parted. “For now, let’s just give each other some space.”

“I was going to take you home.”

“I’ll walk. Trust me, I need the walk.”

“Okay.” She nodded. “We’ll see each other in a couple weeks, right?”

“Right.”

Flora stood rooted to the spot as Damian sauntered down the street. Things would be better this way. She needed to return to her life. The life in which her husband was so afraid of her body rejecting their child again he hardly looked at her. It was wrong to feel the slightest amount of enjoyment from kissing another man. But it felt right.

All was right in the world, even for just one moment.