"Pardon me, mam. I’m Julian." Julian, my target, holds out his hand with a big grin. I grab his hand and feel the dry callouses of his palm. Surprising for a political figure. His face is covered in sun freckles too.

"I’m Rose. Nice to meet you, Julian."

"We noticed you were sitting by yourself. Are you waiting for a friend?"

"Nope, just enjoying a beer by myself."

"Would you enjoy joining our conversation?"

I was surprised to see his unwavering gaze. No full body survey. Just genuine desire to engage in conversation.

"Sure, why not?" I leave my seat at the bar and follow him back to a booth where another man sits with a cowboy hat in his lap. 

"I was just talking with my friend here... Matthew, right?.. about freedom. The man puts his hat back on and tips it like an old school cowboy. "We've been talking about what our country needs to do in order to provide freedom to all of its citizens, no, inhabitants! It needs be broader than citizens. Everyone and everything. Human beings, animals, and plants." 

"Whoa, this is a bit deeper conversation than what I was expecting." I can't help but say out loud. 

While he looks as tired as his photos, he carries with him a level of energy I didn't expect.

"Ha ha, you're right. But why waste our time on trivial conversations? Those conversations won't do anything for us. Weather will always be predictably unpredictable and I'm fine and he's fine. Okay, we're done with the pleasantries."

Matthew, the cowboy, finally chimes in. "What do you believe, mam? Do you believe we have the hope of freedom for everyone?"

"What constitutes freedom?" I respond. Inside, I have to think back to how I used to be. How hopeful and thoughtful and emphatic I used to feel.

"Ah! Yes, what is freedom? Well, I think that is one of the first discussions to have. Can we have a united idea about what freedom is?"

"Plain and simple. Basic necessities are met. We can choose where to go, what to do, speak in the manner we want. We can feel safe." Matthew says while he stares into his beer.

"What are you willing to give up for this?"

"I don’t think that’s a question for me. I would give up everything to have this. The question is whether or not others are willing to give up what they have, to lessen their power so other can have more."

"Rose, I know I am not a perfect person, but I believe we can create a better world. If there is anything I’ve learned from being a farmer, it is that the world will deal cards to you no matter how much you plan. What if we were willing to sacrifice consumerism, having the biggest house, the biggest yard, the coolest car - what if we were willing to sacrifice all of this for the betterment of everyone?"

"There’s nothing to farm now."

"You’d no longer worry about if you had enough money, enough food, if you could afford to go to the doctor."

"Do you really believe this can happen?"

"What would it take to make people see this way?"

"You’d have to realize that you can’t have freedom on your own. You can’t survive by yourself."

"Would enough death and destruction be enough motivation?"

"So let’s imagine that people say yes. I want to make sure we all have enough corn. We all have a roof over our heads. What unites us?"

I move close into him. Lean in and whisper in his ear. "I wish I could believe you. I wish that we could be a less selfish society. I can't even imagine a selfless society.."

As I lean in, I put the pill into his beer.

"What have you had taken away from you, Rose?"

"Great question. Everything. War has taken away my family. Has taken away my career. Survival took away my friendships."

"Are you alone?"

"I’m as alone as you can be."

"Matthew, here, has said he'd join me. We’re traveling, trying to build momentum and relationships. I plan on running for office. Instead of motivating people by fear of everything that can be taken away from them, I’m trying to show that there is more to be lost by giving into that mindset. Building bridges and common ground is the key to our shared freedom."

Matthew clears his throat. "We can’t forget about science. We can’t forget that the choices we make can be backed up or refuted by science. The changes we make now through legislation will affect the lives of our future children but also it can affect us now. It can change our lives now. We can change our production of oil and gas. We can drive cleaner vehicles. Heck we grow public transportation. These aren’t unrealistic choices."

"Matthew, this is why I'm happy to share in your wisdom." And he reaches over the table to pat Matthew's big broad shoulders.

"But politicians today are in the pockets of big money lobbyists and what lobbyists say the politicians do."

"Ha. Yes, that is unfortunately very true. But if from the start we make this about the people and not the politicians, not me, then this movement can work. Rose, you should join us if you want to."

---

After saying no several times to Matthew and Julian, I finally make it back to base. I take a long shower, and it sinks in that this is the first time I feel a pang of regret. I don’t know if he really needed to die. He didn’t seem like scum. I hadn’t believed in anything in a long time, but I believed him. 

Ha, you of all people should know that life isn't fair. I was naive to think that the only people I would be killing would be people that deserved it.