[[Content Warning - disphoria, anxiety, implied assault]]

“Gretchen, breathe! Come on, it will be ok, just breathe with me, slowly in, that’s it, and slowly out, and again…”

His voice and his arms around her slowly pushed the terror back to a manageable level, and she lifted her face from where she had pressed it against his chest.

“I’m.. Sorry.”

He shook his head, his eyes scanning her face, “don’t be, just tell me what happened, did that bastard hurt you?”

“..no..yes.. I don’t know!” She felt her chest tightening up again and Angelus’s grip on her tightened.

“Breathe Gretchen, it is ok, you are safe now.”

She felt tears running down her cheeks, hot trails of shame, “he.. I.. I hate him!”

“You and I both Gretch, come, sit down, tell me what he did.” He pulled her gently over to his bed and sat next to her, and arm still wrapped around her shoulders comfortingly.

“He,” she shuddered and took a deep breath “..he wanted me to join him, he, he, oh god..I feel so violated! I need you to cut my hair short again, please, and.. Trousers.. Uh..uh, “ she felt herself dissolving into racking sobs and Angelus pulled her into his chest again.

“It is ok, hush now, whatever he did we can undo, he did not ..touch you in any other way did he?”

“He.. He tried to.. I..ran..I..I’m so sorry..I.. I-”

“Ah, no, do not be sorry, he is a fool, and he badly underestimated you, he was trying to use charm magic on you, you did well Gretchen, he will not be able to touch you with that kind of magic again.”

She lifted her face to look at him, “..what do you mean, charm magic?”

He gave her a proud smirk and touched her nose with his fingertip. “He thought he could seduce you with pretty clothing and his body, he thinks he is irresistible, but you Gretchen, you’re not interested in things like that, are you?”

She felt herself blushing and looked away, “..no.. You.. Know I can’t stand being.. Feminine,.. It makes me feel.. Wrong, unnatural..I hate it, and I hate him for doing this to me,” she tugged at the remains of the dress she was still trapped in.

He lifted her chin with a finger, bringing her eyes in line with his.

“Look at me.”

Reluctantly she let her eyes slid over to meet his, bracing herself for the weirdness she expected to follow. His eyes were dark pools of sincerity.

“I think you are a very interesting and sincere person Gretchen, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be masculine, don’t be ashamed of who you are.”

“He..he said.. Awful things.. When I rejected him.”

“Of course he did, he expected you to fall simpering at his feet, every word he said was laced with magical compulsion, and you shrugged it off like a mouldy overcoat, I imagine he is absolutely furious right now,” his voice was smug and warm, pushing away some of the self loathing that was clawing at her.

“..what’s wrong with me ‘Lus?”

“Not a damn thing, why would you ask that Gretchen?”

“Because a proper woman would have wanted what he was offering.. Wouldn’t they?”

“Tch, you cannot generalise people like that or try and make yourself fit into an ideal, you are you, and I happen to like you, just the way you are, so stop this nonsense, if you behaved the way he expected you to, you’d be in thrall to him. I would have lost you.”

“Lost me?”

“Yes, that kind of mind control if it takes strongly, can only be broken by the one wielding it”

She shuddered. “Oh.. Oh gods, I..feel sick”

“Just breathe, it is going to be ok.”

He gave her another squeeze then stood up and moved to the wardrobes that spanned one wall of the room.

“There should be a suit in your size somewhere in here,” he clattered through the clothing, keeping up a steady drone of reassuring chatter while she tried not to think about how she could have ended up.

He dropped a suit next to her on the bed, making her jump.

“That should fit, get changed while I find something to cut your hair with.”

“Can’t.. Can’t you just undo the magic he used?” She dropped the dress on the floor and kicked it across the room, then pulled the suit on quickly, grateful to be back in clothing that didn’t make her feel exposed and vulnerable.

“I could, but it would take longer, and probably drain me of energy for the next week. It is harder to undo a making spell than to cast one, and considerably quicker to just deal with it without magic.”

He had his back to her, ratting through a drawer on the far side of the room. “Ha-,” he turned and stopped mid sentence, scissors in hand, his eyes travelling over her. “That, suits you very well.” He shook himself and strode over to her. “Now, I do not claim to be a hair dresser, so what do you wish me to do with your hair?”

“Just.. Make it short, as short as you can, please.”

“That I can do.” He sat her on the edge of the bed with her back to the ground so most of her hair would fall on the floor, and began to hack away the heavy locks.

“You did not let him know you can feel magic did you?” He had paused mid cut, his hand in the hair on the nape of her neck.

“No, I mean, I don’t think so, I was too busy being grossed out to really think about it. This whole place makes me feel like I’ve been plugged into an electric socket, but the longer we’re here the more I can ignore it.”

Angelus continued cutting, “well that is something at least, if Ira keeps his word we should be free to leave after tonight’s exhibition, the less he learns about you the less chance he reneges and tries to keep you by means other than charm.”

She shifted unhappily, “why would he want to keep me anyway? I’m basically useless, unless he needs someone clumsy and stupid as comic relief.”

Angelus leaned in and put his face next to her cheek, “I have never called you stupid Gretchen, reckless and headstrong, but never stupid.” He leaned back again, “you are anything but useless, you just require training. Your ability to sense magic may well save our lives yet.”

“Are you done yet?”

“Almost, I can not give you your old hairstyle back I am afraid”

“I don’t care, I just don’t want to look like a girl.”

He snipped of a few more chunks of hair and then put the scissors down. “There, that is the best I can do.”

She leaned over, rubbing the loose hair out over the floor, “glad we don’t have to clean this up,” and then stood up. “So, how do I look?”

Angelus stared for a long moment.

“Uh.. That bad then ‘Lus?”

He shook his head, “no.. No.. Not at all, you are.. Really rather handsome like that.”

She grinned, “Handsome huh? I like that.”

He turned away, adjusting the end of his sleeve.

“We should head to the ballroom, we don’t want to leave our host waiting, he’s already angry enough”

“’Lus?”

He glanced back, “hmm?”

“Did I just.. Say something wrong?”

“No,” he sighed and offered her his arm, “you just reminded me of someone I lost a very long time ago.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I think perhaps it is a good thing to be reminded of, they were very dear to me.”

He led her out of the bedroom and down the lavishly decorated hallway, ahead there was already the distant sound of music and laughter and they followed it through corridors and atrium’s. The ballroom doors were swung open a spill of light and warmth coming from inside, along with the heady smell of perfumes and food. The closer they got the more it felt like they were walking into a wall of noise and colour, hundreds of voices mixed with the lilting strains of chamber music, and a peacock display of gowns and head wear.

“I feel under dressed,” Angelus leaned close to murmur in her ear.

“Who cares! Do you smell that? I’m starving!” She stepped into the room, dragging Angelus behind her, headed for the nearest table piled high with every imaginable kind of food.

Between mouthfuls of food hastily crammed in her mouth she stared around the room, trying to recognise anyone there.

“Who are all these people?”

“Lost immortals if I’m not mistaken. Nether take it, if even half these people are immortal and loyal to Ira we have a very large problem.”

“Huh, what do you mean?”

“For centuries now, newly turned immortals have gone missing, most were assumed to have been driven mad by their new-found immortality and killed themselves, but it seems that actually they were recruited by Ira.”

“So how do you know that some of these people are lost immortals?”

“Because I was the one who lost them, this is really not good Gretchen, we should get out of here now.”

“Leaving so soon?” Ira’s sudden appearance behind them, made Gretchen jump and choke on her mouthful of food.

Angelus glowered at him, “you tried and failed Ira, I see no purpose in us staying.”

Ira’s eyes wandered over Gretchen, making her shudder and take a step closer to Angelus.

“I wasn’t aware you preferred men Angelus, a shame really, I could have found you something much more to your taste had I known.”

Angelus put a steadying hand on her shoulder, “I don’t have a preference one way or the other Ira, I just prefer my companions not to be uncomfortable, or forced into servitude. How many slaves do you have here?” He motioned to the room, “all of them I am guessing, nobody would willingly follow you.”

Ira sneered.

“You talk like I couldn’t end this stupid charade and your life right now”

“Do it then, unlike you, I have never been afraid of death.”

Ira laughed, an unnerving dangerous sound that made heads turn. “You haven’t changed one bit, you’re lucky I made a promise to Sofia a long time ago, so,” He took a step closer to Gretchen and latched hard fingers around her upper arm, “you can go, but your little morsel here is staying, charm may have failed, but there are other ways to force obedience.”