Heavy rain poured outside on a cold morning. It was heard rattling the roof of En’s house. The sound of the rain droplets made an endless tune that eventually woke the sleeping young man up. En groaned and shuffled around the bed. Naminé, his little bundle of joy was sleeping soundly amidst the noise from outside. He grimaced and stretched out his sore limbs; standing up to take in the musky smell of rain.
"Petrichor..." En drew on the window that had gathered up moisture. He heard a faint knock from the other side of the door. The poor baby Naminé woke up from her peaceful slumber and cried. En quickly tended to the baby before he would open the door.
"Oh my goodness... Sorry Naminé..." Minho apologized to the baby after being let inside the room by En. The young man was cradling the small girl in his arms and gently rocking her back to sleep.
En was greeted by Minho with a suit on; with another suit slung over his shoulders. The raven-haired young man bowed his head curtly in apology for waking up Naminé.
"Do you think you can handle yourself today?" Minho asked. He set aside the suit meant for En, sitting beside his friend to comfort him. En frowned and nodded his head.
"I guess… I can…” En sighed and buried his face on his hands. “I have to do this.” He added.
"Here. Get changed. Everyone's already at the funeral." En nodded and thanked him.
"I'll be going now, see you later." Minho gave him a small smile before leaving.
"Annie... What do I do now...?" he quietly asked himself.
En quickly showered and got dressed. He then fixed up his tie in the mirror; seeing the bandage that Minho had wrapped the other day. He grabbed the nearby first-aid kit downstairs to re-apply bandages.
"What would you say if you could see me now... Probably, I'd get an earful..." he looked down on his feet in shame.
En called his uncle Yohan a quick call to babysit Naminé while he was gone. Thankfully the old man was available. He grabbed a yellow umbrella from the umbrella stand before leaving his house. The smell of the rain immediately filled his senses upon stepping outside.
"I miss you..." He mused to himself. His hand shoved in his pocket as he continued to walk under the pouring rain.
It wasn't long before he reached the small memorial garden. It was a nice open field with numerous mausoleums and grave stones. He saw plenty of people inside a small building and saw his father was outside, wearing a suit and had his hair tied in a ponytail. The older man saw him and greeted En with a hug.
"You alright?” his father asked. En hugged his father backed and grunted in affirmation.
En was in daze. He was completely out of it as the funeral went underway. After thanking everyone for coming, he felt like no more words could be said for his wife. It was a short apology on his part. En still hadn’t forgiven himself for being late when their daughter was born.
"Annie... Wanted me to give you this..." Alice approached En and handed him a letter.
"What is this, Alice?" he asked. Alice smiled through tears that were welling up in her eyes.
“In case she didn’t make it…” she replied, her voice cracking in between her sobs. Minho quickly joined them and held his umbrella for his girlfriend, smiling at En for comfort.
En thanked the two of them before shoving the letter into his pockets. He could not bring himself to read the letter for him.
________________________________________
A day went by after Annie's funeral. En was sitting around his table fiddling with his wedding ring. It was around nighttime now and he was about to go to bed.
“To my dearly beloved…” En read on the letter that laid on his nightstand. He promised himself that he would only read the letter once he forgives himself. The young man still felt the heavy burden of guilt on his shoulders.
"I love you…" He heard Annie's faint voice somewhere from afar. She whispered to him.
"Annie…?” En felt like he was going crazy. “Am I dreaming…?” the young man wondered.
En had to go and investigate whatever it was that he heard. He went outside his room and knocked on his father's room.
"What is it, son? She up and crying again...?" he asked while yawning.
“I’ll be going out for a bit. Can you go watch the baby while I’m gone?” En felt compelled to follow Annie’s voice. It made him uneasy when he faintly heard her voice from afar.
“Be back before midnight. Take care, son.” Joe replied. He stayed at En’s room for the time being, watching over his granddaughter, Naminé. The older man couldn’t help but feel sorry that his son was in the same situation as he was when he was younger. It was hard to raise a child alone. It would be a tough road ahead for his son, a road that he barely managed to walk when he was grieving over his own wife.
“Oh Helen… If you could only see our son now… You’d know what to say to him.” Joe caressed Naminé’s cheek and sat nearby her cot to nap.
En had is hands shoved into his pockets to keep them warm from the cold air. The moon's light made it easier for En to see where he was going. He eventually reached an area where there are only few street lamps around, rendering En completely unaware about his surroundings. It was near his house and was always a good spot to think whenever he would make Annie angry back then He kicked off his legs and swung a little bit back and forth. A strong gust of wind hit him and he felt a glowing light next to him. The light slowly took form in a silhouette of Annie.
"I missed you..." En blurted out, rubbing his eyes to see if this were a dream. He was seeing Annie's ghost. The woman beside him turned and gave him a smile.
"I missed you too... How's it going these past few days?" Annie asked, En leaned back and thought about what he would say she clearly would have already noticed the bandage on his arms and raised an eyebrow on it when she saw him trying to cover up his arm.
"I've been... A mess..." he replied in shame. He heard her sigh and felt her walking towards him. Annie wrapped her arms around En’s neck and embraced him.
"You're making me more worried, En, you know that?" she complained, huffing and feeling disappointed at her husband.
"I won't do it again. I Promise." he replied. En buried his face into the crook of Annie’s neck, hearing the woman chuckle at his expense. She hummed in response.
"Annie… Why are you here…?” En slowly asked. Annie looked down on her legs and tried to avoid En’s confused stare.
“I… I couldn’t pass on until I know for sure that you’re going to be alright…” Annie rose up from the swing that she was sitting on and hugged En from behind. “En, I’ll be here for a while…” she smiled, kissing En’s forehead.
En gawked at his wife’s ghost. He feared that she might have stayed behind and couldn’t pass on because of the trouble that he’d caused her. There wasn’t anything that En could’ve said to make Annie believe him that he’ll be fine. Deep down, Annie still knew that En was hurting inside.
“Why now…?” he weakly asked. “Annie… What do I need to do so you could pass on?” the young man begged.
Annie frowned and was right about her husband. En had been carrying a heavy burden ever since she died. He let it get to him. It was a whirlwind of emotions that continued to boil inside En’s mind.
“En, look at me…” Annie requested. She cupped En’s cheeks and faced him closely. A warm blush crept on Annie’s face, seeing the handsome, yet exhausted face of her husband. En’s piercing gaze held onto her tightly. “Y-You… Have to find it in yourself to let go of me, En.” Annie stuttered.
“Annie, you’re being impossible right now.” He shook away Annie’s hold of him and turned around in order to hide from her. “I can’t ever forgive myself. I promised you that I would’ve made it in time.”
The air fell silent between the husband-and-wife. Annie stood in her place, smiling at En. It was hard on him to move on because she was there.
“Annie?” En asked. The young man’s heartbeat started to beat faster when she wouldn’t respond. “Annie?!” he called out again. En wildly turned around and began to frantically search for Annie.
“Maybe seeing you wasn’t for the best…” Annie frowned. She vanished as En was trying to catch up to her. Before she completely went, Annie waved at En and smiled widely. “I love you En, I’ll see you later…” she whispered.
Annie’s figure eventually turned into a million of butterflies that glowed with light. They fluttered into the wind and left En as he collapsed on the ground.
“Forgive me… Annie…” he muttered.
~ To Be Continued
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