I pace in my room thinking of what I could prepare for dinner. My stomach is in knots thinking about what this dinner is going to be like. Why did I have to suggest such a ridiculous thing? We eat at different times, and he never even eats in the dining room he just eat in that God forsaken room of his. I'm surprised he even agreed. Why did he agree?! I suppose he couldn’t exactly refuse…
“Damn you, Anna!” I say throwing my hat onto my bed. I cant do this. Why do I listen to her?
Its only six o’clock I can wait until around seven if I'm going to prepare something simple which, I think, I will. Oh why did I suggest this? We were both perfectly content being in our own separate areas. Like roommates or like like… “Like caged animals.” I finish out loud.
I lay down on my bed and shut my eyes. I didn’t realize my feet were so tired until now. I could always make spaghetti it's simple enough to make. I know how to make that well enough that he won't think I'm a complete waste of space.
I don’t realize it until I hear a knock at my door that I've dozed off. I brush the spit off my cheek and blink at the darkness in the room. What time is it? What time is it?! I shoot up into a sitting position and then I hear another knock at my door.
“Ruth? Are we still having dinner?” I hear Ralph's voice say from the other side of the door.
“Oh no” I whisper and I press my palm to my forehead. I turn on my light and check myself in the mirror. It’s a good thing I didn’t toss around while I was asleep I still look presentable. Still, when I open the door Ralph looks at me and laughs.
“Were you asleep?” he asks forcing his grin into a firm line after i give him a look.
“Yes. I'm so sorry I meant to start cooking at seven or seven thirty but I fell asleep.” I say brushing my fingers through my hair to make sure none of it is out of place. The last thing I need is for him to accuse me of doing this on purpose while my hair slowly becomes unpinned.
“That's fine Ruth you had a long day of walking around.” He says leaning on my door frame, “I knocked on your door earlier. When you didn’t answer I knew you must've been asleep because you weren't anywhere else in the house either. I made dinner for the both of us. Go ahead and come on out when you're ready.” He walks away and I blink a few times.
“Why is he acting like that?” I whisper as I head down the other length of the hall to the bathroom. Hes never been so friendly to me, or anyone really.
I finish up in the bathroom and head out to the dining room. A welcoming smell meets my nose and makes my mouth water with anticipation. I should’ve been the one cooking I'm the one who invited him to eat with me. Still, I can’t help but be a little bit thankful for the fact that it isn’t my cooking on the table. While he's made mashed potatoes and small steaks for us I was planning on making pasta. This is embarrassing.
“There you are. Come grab a plate from the kitchen I didn’t want to serve you.” He says as we both walk to the kitchen. I'm glad because if hes anything like my father, he will make sure I'm sneaking down the stairs for seconds because of the limits on my serving. I guess I'm thankful I would be much bigger if it weren’t for him.
There is an awkward moment when we both serve ourselves. I pile green beans and potatoes on my plate my stomach grumbling all the while, and then we sit and begin to eat. I never noticed how loud the chewing in my mouth was and I only hope he cant hear it.
“So, Ruth. When you came by earlier with Anna she mentioned something about a dress?” Ralph says clearing his throat with a bit of water.
“Oh, yes!” I say. I had completely forgotten about the whole reason we came back in the first place. “I wanted to know what the budget is for a wedding dress.” I say it while looking at my plate. I can't let him know how much it means to me that I have a nice dress at my wedding.
“I don’t think you'll be getting one.” He says slicing into his steak.
“What?” I say putting down my fork. He looks up at me and sighs.
“Ruth, I honestly didn’t think you would want a wedding let alone a wedding dress.” He says and I swallow the lump of potato that’s been stuck in my cheek.
“Well what girl doesn't want a wedding dress? We’re getting married aren’t we?” I say my voice quickening as I get more worked up.
“In all honesty, Ruth I don’t want to marry you. I know you don’t want to marry me. I thought, in order to save money, we should just go get the documents signed.” He says to me his jaw clenched.
I cut into my steak and take a bite as I process what he has said. I don’t get a party. I don’t get a dress, and I don’t even get to marry a man I love. The perfect wedding. I sigh and swallow my food and a mouth full of water.
“I guess you're right. This isn’t a real marriage so it doesn't need a real ceremony.” I say resenting myself for thinking such childish things. Weddings are for people who actually want to have fun with the person they love. To show off to the world that they are getting married.
“Exactly my way of thinking” he says settling back into his food.
I let the moment pass and we try to make mild conversation. We like many of the same things, but not in the same ways. I like sports because of the competition he likes them because of the violence behind them. Needless to say we don’t like any of the same sports. I like nature because its beautiful and surreal he likes it because its where you can be alone. The list goes on.
The meal is delicious and Ralph so far as I can tell is not a bad person we just aren’t right for each other. We are like nearly perfect puzzle pieces. You keep coming back and trying to put them together, but they just don’t fit.
“Ruth…” Ralph says and I look up from my glass of water to look at him.
“Yes?” I say putting down my glass and hoping I wasn’t ignoring him.
“I'm sorry for dragging you into my life.” He says coming around the table and sitting next to me. I'm stunned by the sudden closeness, but i don’t move. He rests his hands on the back of my chair and looks down at his lap. He's trying to find words.
“You didn’t drag me into your life my father dumped me into it.” I chuckle shifting to face him. He lifts his eyes to look at me and I fall into his gaze. Hes captivating, yet I don’t exactly know why.
“No. I’m the one who said yes to this whole mess. I wanted to keep my father's word to your father, but I didn’t take your feelings into account. If your father wasn’t going to I could’ve.” He says sighing the smell of cigarette my way.
I feel the need to reach out to him but I hold myself back. I don’t want to open any doors that are too hard to close later on. Instead I set my eyes with his in a deadlock dating him to look away.
“You have nothing to apologize for. Every time I think about my situation there are multiple ways and also no ways out of it. Don’t you dare pity me, Ralph Peterson. My life may have turned upside down overnight, but I don’t want you to look at me in this house like I'm some kind of walking tragedy.” I say and his eyes drop as he listens to me.
“It's cruel to take away a girls right to marry a man she loves…” He whispers and tears pucker in my eyes.
“We’re both in this boat together my friend. Do you think we’ll ever fall in love with each other? Got to eventually, right?” I say and he wipes away the tears that are falling down my cheeks. I cant believe I'm crying in front of him right now.
I'm about to apologize when his lips press to mine suddenly. My eyes are wide, and I see his face pinched tightly as he kisses me and then pulls away. We stare at each other for a moment and then I do something I never thought i'd do in a million years with Ralph. I lean forward and take his face in my hands and kiss him again.
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