As my eyes adjusted I noticed that dim light sifted through a patch of ceiling above me, barely illuminating a dirt floor beneath my shoes and a dirt wall to my right. Stacks of wood barrels cowered in the corners.

“Hey! Who’s there?”

Silence.

Maybe they were afraid of me. Cold tickled my arms and the back of my neck. I turned around trying trying to see someone, anyone, in the darkness.

“I’m an expert at kung fu!” I lied. “And will tackle anyone who comes within a...” What was a good number? “...five-foot radius!”

A drip in the dead silence nearly made me jump out of my skin. My heart beat regularly now. Or was that faster than normal? I crept forward, tense.

“I will find you,” I threatened.

I figured threatening it would scare it away from hurting me, plus it might help me feel less wimpy. “...And when I do, it will not go well for you! Show yourself now and I swear...” I placed my hand over my heart. “...I will not harm you.”

A squeak from the darkness sent a chill up my spine. I turned toward where I thought the sound was, and a greenish hand stepped from the shadows. It looked like it was gonna be something gross. I gulped and covered my mouth, holding my breath to avoid whatever stench the thing might produce.

The beast that stepped forward was less than three feet tall, on all fours. It had hands for feet, and a round head as big as half its body. Its huge dilated eyes blinked above its lipless mouth. Tied around its slick head was a scarf of rough red cloth.

It was naked otherwise, and approached haltingly, looking frightened eyes up at me, wagging a long tail behind.

I hesitated. It might be faking.

“What do you want with me?” my voice trembled.

The creature whimpered, shifting from one knobby forefoot to the other.

“Go on, speak up!” I barked, my confidence returning with the cower of my captor.

It smiled at me, making pleased squeals and gurgles, but didn’t say a word.

Feeling stupid, I lowered my hands. “You can’t talk, can you?”

Of course it didn’t answer. It just smiled back.

I thumped a palm to my forehead. “Lovely. I was kidnapped by a...” I tried to remember if I’d ever seen anything like it before. “A... whatever you are... An animal.”

It waved its tail back and forth slowly, still smiling.

I leaned a hand on the dirt wall and put the other on my hip, staring at the totally gross and yet strangely charming creature in front of me. Nothing changed as I glared at the guy, hard. How could I have been kidnapped by that? It was humiliating.

“And yet I’m standing here talking to you, like you can hear me.”

It smiled.

I gave my head a good shake. “Whatever.”

A creaking overhead made me jump back and the freaky creature ran off into the dark.

A crack of yellow light spread across the floor beneath my feet, drowning out the darkness. Squinting up, I saw a trap door opening and got a sour sinking in my stomach. I was gonna be forced to explain being here... wherever here was. Well... not if I ran and hid.

I glanced at a stack of barrels, but saw the creature’s tail sticking out behind them and decided to look for a less-crowded hiding place.

There was a ladder coming down from the trapdoor with a shadow behind it.

I darted for it, slipped behind it, and barely pulled in my shoulders enough to make it when light from the door pooled the floor and someone clomped down the ladder into the room.

The creature glanced at me from behind the barrels, then back at the figure dropping first one boot, then the other, down the ladder.

The man thumped to the ground of what I now saw was a basement and turned around. I was surprised by what I saw. A shaggy brown mop hung around the man’s face and a full beard thrived on his chin. A stern expression looked like it had been branded onto his face as his dark eyes studied the room.

He wore a thick brown shirt under a leather vest. Several belts were strapped around his waist, holding all kinds of weapons.

Two swords hung at his left and an ax was strapped on behind, not to mention a couple more weapons I couldn’t identify from my cramped hiding place, which I was now realizing was a pretty stupid hiding place after all. Sure the light wasn’t really shining on me, but I wasn’t shrouded in shadow either.

After a glance around the room, the man called back up the ladder. “No one down here, Haynglen!”

I wondered who they were looking for.

Me?

The monster eyed me from across the room with a wistful stare. I wanted to tell it, “No! Sit. Stay,” but I couldn’t move for fear of being noticed.

After a last look around, the man planted his boot on the bottom rung of the ladder and lifted himself towards the opening.

Not daring to breathe, I thought a sigh and grinned at my escape.

The weird creature watching me grinned back in unashamed pleasure, and darted from the cover of the casks toward me.

The man on the ladder swiveled in his perch, eyes widening at the creature that looked paler and more grotesque in the sunlight.

“Monaciello!” He said it like a curse, leaped to the ground and dashed towards what (judging by the fire in his eyes) could've been a demon. The four-legged monster whimpered and looked its enormous fear-filled eyes into mine.

I did my best not to move or think. The burly man was at the creature’s side in two strides. He yanked it up by both arms, standing uncomfortably near the ladder that barely hid me.

“You beastly devil!”

The man had a worried look behind his stern eyes. “What do you want with my basement?” He scanned the animal with a mix of terror, and contempt.

After a minute of uncomfortable silence, the man shook his head. “I suppose one can’t know. But we don’t want any ill fortune here. Be gone and attach yourself to someone else. I have no use for you!”

About to toss the gangly creature aside, he took a thoughtless step forward and riveted his eyes to the shadow I hid inside.

I smiled meekly.

“Hi.”

With the return of his rage, he released the animal and thrust his hand in the shadow, gripping my arm and wrenching me forward into the light.

I tripped and grabbed the guy’s vest to keep from falling, but I shouldn’t have worried. His iron grip wouldn’t have loosened even if I’d been dragged away by wild horses. The glove bit into my arm until I got to my feet.

My mind scrambled as he dragged me toward the ladder, eyes glaring into my soul. He flung me against the rungs and they banged into my chest as the smell of cedar wafted up my nose.

“Get up there!” he growled.

Clasping the flat rungs, I hurried up the steps, digging a few splinters up my palms on the way.

The rubber soles of my shoes found easy grip on the rustic ladder, and before I knew it, I'd vaulted into a house with the burly man only two steps behind, dragging the pitiful monster with him.

“Cowering in the basement at a time like this!” he grunted, unclasping one of his sword belts.

The room I’d been thrown into seemed to be made of dust and hay, with crude wood tables and shelves scattered randomly around, but I had no more time to admire the interior design.

The man took his belt and wrapped it around my waist, pulling it too tight and buckling it.

Giving it a final tug, he released the belt and the sword weighed down my side, nearly taking me with it.

“Now!” He flung the monster at me and I shoved it off in disgust. It whimpered at my heels. “Get out there and do your part for Glensdore, Treasure Seeker!”

Treasure Seeker? I had no idea what that was supposed to mean but it didn't sound good. I glanced at the silver and red sword at my side.

“Go!” All it took was one clap on my back from the mountain man to send me dashing like a bullet. Somehow I got through the bolted door and over the high wood fence before landing on the wet grass outside the man’s yard in the middle of the craziest sight I’d ever seen.

I lay paralyzed, as dew seeped into my jeans and socks. Vast countryside spread out before me, miles upon miles of vivid, lush green.

Beyond that was the most majestic sweeping landscape of forest filled-hills I’d ever seen. It was like a green ocean. The horizon was topped by climbing purple mountains, complete with white caps.

Believe it or not, it wasn’t the majestic scenery that bolted me to my spot; there was something even wilder.

Rustic wooden huts with hay for roofs were scattered around me, and in, out, and around theses houses were burly men, so thickly dressed in leather, belts, boots, buckles, and beards that they made the man I’d just met look... cute.

No matter how cool and collected a person is, they can't be expected to react well to something like this.

These guys were seriously worked up. They were running around jabbing, stabbing, hitting, and directing any and all acts of violence at each other. Some with swords and some with just anything that happened to be lying around.

They were super serious about it too. Forget avoiding stress. I was standing smack dab in the middle of some crazy serious war in an epic medieval fairytale.