I’m released from the hospital after a week. I sell the house Philip and I had lived in and got a little cottage closer to home. There were too many horrific memories in that old house. In the cottage, I feel safer. Nick and I have grown closer. He is the only guy, besides my dad, that I can trust. I stay with my parents for another two weeks before moving into the cottage. I thought I was ready to be alone there.

The day is Thursday, October 24, 2017. Thunder crashes outside the house, rattling the windows. I’m pacing the floor while Starlight weaves between my legs. The hardwood floors beneath me creak and moan with every step. ‘“Amber you made the wrong choice.”’ His words are echoing my head. Everywhere I look, all I see is him. Every turn, every person I see. He’s there, waiting for me. ‘“Now you’re going to pay for it.”’ I can’t get the words to leave. Starlight paws at me to get me to sit down but I turn and go towards the bathroom. Starlight follows me in, meowing desperately and batting at my legs. I run my hands up under my sleeves feeling the lines I put there. The lines that once bled crimson. The new lines and the old. Putting my hands on the side of the sink, I look in the mirror. All I see is the past me, the bruised me, the hopeless soul. I roll up my sleeves and take the blade I have hidden in the bathroom. The metal feels cold between my fingers. It sends a chill through my body. I press it to my skin and let the crimson flow. I then look at the orange bottle sitting on the sink. I set the note I have written to my family on the sink counter. I pick the bottle up and open it. Grabbing a glass of water, I put some in my hand. Starlight hops up on the counter and pulls at my hand with claws. I look in the mirror again to see tears streaming down my face. 'I can't do this!' I drop the pills on the counter, most of them going down the drain and grab Starlight. I go to the bedroom and slide to the floor next to the bed. ‘“Amber, you won’t get away with this!”’ I try to stop the flashback from coming but it starts to play. The cold fall winds. The waterfall crashing in the background. The gunshots. The smell of blood. I sob into Starlight’s fur, staining it with tears. Eventually, the tears stop flowing and sleep takes over.

“Amber?!” A voice jerks me awake. Starlight isn’t here. Nick is on the phone calling someone. That's when I feel the wetness on my arms. The lines are still bleeding, heavily. I try to move but can’t. Nick appears over me with gauze and pads. Grabbing one arm, he says, “Amber, stay awake. Stay with me. Did you take any of the pills?”

I shake my head slightly in response. “No, most went down the drain. I couldn’t convince myself too .....” My life starts to play out in front of me like a movie. My 3rd birthday, the first day of school, meeting my best friend, Katara, homecoming, graduation, meeting Philip, the dreaded abuse, the big fight with Katara, hearing Katara wrecked her car after the fight and ended up dying, Katara’s funeral. ‘Well, Katara, we shall soon be reunited.’

I start to see my loved ones who had passed on. They all look so young and healthy. I see Katara. She’s as beautiful as she always was. The sunny blonde hair, the emerald green eyes, her perfectly portioned body. I run up to her and envelope her in a hug. Sobbing, I say, “Oh Katara, I’ve missed you so much. I’m so sorry about the fight.”

Wiping my tears away, she smiles. “Amber, I’ve missed you too. The fight was a foolish teenage mistake. It was stupid of me to bolt off like that. I know you want to stay here with me but it’s not your time yet. But when it is your time, I will be there to meet you. But for now, you have things that you need to finish on Earth. I will always be with you.” With one of her devilish grins, she continues. “Plus, you can’t leave that handsome hunk of eye candy named Nick behind.” Her eyes are twinkling with mischievousness now.

Gently smacking her, I say, “You always had great taste in guys.” My smile fading, I give her one last hug. Whispering in her ear, I say, “I'm going to miss you. I love you Katara.”

Returning the hug, she says, “Just remember what I said, Amber.” An invisible force starts to carry me away from Katara. With tears in her eyes, she waves goodbye. Her figure grows smaller and smaller until she is no longer visible. I close my eyes and let the force carry me back to where I’m destined to be.

I wake up to hear faint sirens wailing in the distance. I realize I’m laying flat on my back. I turn my head to see Nick sitting against my bed. His sandy blonde hair has fallen into his face while his head rests on his knees. Starlight is laying at his feet with her head between her paws. Her head pops up and she looks at me. With a yowl of delight, she runs over to me and starts to lick my face. Nick looks over at me and Starlight. His confused laced face turns to delight. He flies up off the floor and trips. Falling onto me, he gives me a hug. “I thought you were dead, Amber. You stopped talking and went limp and and and…. Oh my god, I’m just glad you’re alive.”

A smile tugs at my lips. “How could I leave such an amazing guy behind, though?” The ambulance crew comes bursting through my bedroom door. They stop short at the sight of Nick and I. Nick’s face turns bright pink as he struggles to get up. A grin finally appears on my face as I laugh at Nick.

The ambulance crew checks my vitals and determines I’m fine despite the fact that I lost a lot of blood. They check with the local hospital to see if I should be brought in or not. They say the same thing but also say if I start to feel faint or weird, to come in. Nick notifies my parents about what happened and my mom decides to come stay with me for the night. Around 10 pm Nick leaves. “Text me if anything happens Amber. Please. If you need to talk, I’m here.” With a nod of my head, I close the door and go to my room. I change into my kitten pattern pajamas and climb into bed. After about 10 minutes, I fall into a deep sleep.