It was Saturday morning and I was up early.

I didn’t have any classes on the weekends, but I did have work. However, before that, I had my weekly counselling session which was about twenty minutes away from home on the tube.

Stretching my limbs slowly, I uttered a content sigh before beginning to disentangle my legs from Walter’s. He was still sleeping, just in his underwear despite the cold temperatures. His upper body was bare and actually very warm. I had difficulty tearing myself away from him.

“Coral?” Walter murmured, his voice huskier than usual as he battled to open his eyes. His hands searched the still warm bed sheets where my body had been lying.

Smiling at him fondly, I got out of the bed and walked round to his side to give him a kiss on the head. Walter rolled over to face me and his lips turned upwards at the edges as he slowly opened his beautiful hazel eyes. I stood there in a loose t-shirt and pyjama bottoms, with a beam on my face. Part of me wanted to stay with Walter in bed all day, but I knew that I needed to go.

I often enjoyed my counselling anyways. I learnt more about myself and my counsellor was a lovely woman who was very open and accepting.

“Do you have to go now, baby?” Walter moaned sleepily.

“Yes,” I sat down next to his body and ran my fingers through his thick hair. “Are you training today?”

Walter nodded, closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of my fingers in his hair. We wouldn’t see each other until about 5pm, but we’d make up for the lost time later. Sometimes we had random weekdays off at the same time, and would literally spend the whole day together. It didn’t happen often, but I loved it when it did.

“Don’t strain your body too much,” I said to him. “Please, Walter.”

Walter opened his eyes again and looked up at me, still lying on his side, “I’ll be fine Coral. I didn’t even get hurt that much from the other night anyway.”

“I’ve seen the bruises,” I said, my eyes gazing down at his bare and beaten torso. “Just take it easy.”

“Yes boss,” he smiled and then sat up to hug me close to him. “Have a good day.”

“Thanks,” I leaned into him. “You too. I’ll see you in the evening.”

***

After a half hour journey, I was walking up to the building where I had my counselling sessions. I started about seven months ago. At first, the sessions consisted of me and my counsellor, Pandora Andris, getting to know each other. It was important for me to feel that I was able to trust her, otherwise I wouldn’t open up and the counselling wouldn’t be very effective.

We got on well and I told her my story about a month in. She had listened carefully and given me the warm hug and tissues that I’d needed when the tears had come. Her words of encouragement had made me feel like I was capable of beating the fears from my past. During the six months that followed, Pandora had been helping me make sense of my fragmented memories. She had said that fully understanding what had happened, would help me to work out how I coped with it.

With her support, I realised that one of my coping mechanisms was my shy personality and lack of self-confidence. Previously it had been worse, but now I was getting better at holding conversations with customers at work and other students at art school. I thanked Hayley and all the boys for that. So many years without a proper family had made me very closed off and unwilling to trust or commit to anyone. Hayley had always been trying to get me to open up, and when Walter came into the picture, I finally started to understand the true meanings of friendships, and later, romantic relationships.

Recently, Pandora had told me that she herself had also been sexually abused when she was a girl. We’d both shed some tears during that session. Looking at Pandora, I could see that she was very strong and had fully recovered from what she’d endured as a child.

I wanted the same for myself.

Within the time she’d been counselling me, I’d come so far. I no longer felt alone, first of all. Yes, Hayley, Walter, Carlos and Ario knew about my past, and the others may have had an idea about it, but I’d never been able to tell any of them the details like I’d told Pandora. I didn’t think they’d be able to handle it, and telling at least one person really did make me feel better. It made me feel less disgusting and ashamed. It wasn’t my fault, what had happened to me and I wasn’t to blame. I’d never said any of those things out loud, but inside I had sometimes thought it...that somehow, I had deserved the treatment my father had given me. I now understood that wasn’t true.