My eyes snapped open on the first day of October in my Junior year. I'd say I was excited but some things had happened already that just pissed me off. For starters, I was dealing with favoritism in a school program that I was stuck in. Some people were being treated better than I was and, as valuable as they claimed me to be, I wasn't having that shit. Know what I did? Yeah, you know what I did. You know me well enough by now to know full well that I quit that shit - and I was as disrespectful as I could be when I did it.

You should have seen it. I told the favorites to suck my dick, I screamed fuck you at the instructors, I walked out of class, I threw shit all over the place, attacked people trying to calm me down, I went the full distance. I left school, came back, and threw their little shit uniform on their doorstep and left it unmonitored. I didn't care anymore. I went and yelled at my counselor until he moved me into another class without penalty. I DON'T PLAY THAT.

I felt betrayed. Of all the things I had gone through with and for them, one of my friends being murdered earlier in the year, I NEVER would have suspected, expected, or accepted them placing a lower classman above me in rank and priority. That wasn't it, chief. So, I rekt their shit and went on about my business. Some people just have to learn the hard way. Don't fuck me over. Simple.

I had a nice, sizable dose of fighting bigger motherfuckers and full grown adults. I wasn't taking any shit from anyone anymore. Anybody could get these hands. I was finally getting big and I was about that action. I didn't even smile anymore, I just walked around with this dead expression and what they call sad eyes. I was just tired. I was tired of being taken advantage of, tired of being put down, tired of my friends dying and being abducted for weeks and months on end, tired of the sexual abuse and the dark thoughts - I was tired of life. I didn't have anything to live for and I just didn't want to live anymore. But I was trapped.

Here's something I hadn't told you yet. Honestly, I wasn't going to. It's not the easiest thing to talk about. When I was 15, I made my first attempt on my own life. I went in my mom's medicine cabinet and ate a handful of painkillers. I was in a coma for two days before she noticed I was gone. I guess she really needed the break. So did I. Life was stressful and I had already had enough. I didn't learn a damn thing because I was reaching critical just two years later. I couldn't keep my temper in check and that only frustrated me more because I wanted to stay that cool kid who didn't care about much of anything. But I couldn't help caring a lot about everything. I was obsessive.

Anyway, I made a real show of it. A few weeks later, they had forgiven me and were begging me to come back. I refused. First and foremost, they're not the ones who needed to forgive, I was. The nerve of these twats acting like they were rising above me not offering an apology and offering me THEIR forgiveness. The fuck?! Their jaws went slack when I said no and they could let me know when they were ready to do right by me. It took them most of the year but they eventually came around.

See, I was invaluable to the team. I was the best. I won them awards and kept funding rolling in. If my high school team was the Lakers, I was Kobe-fucking-Bryant. NO ONE put Kobe on the bench when the chips were down and the game was riding on him performing another miracle. That was me on this team. When they needed a win, I secured that win. I was highly favored and the most successful they had ever had. No student was as well liked, as active, as effective a teacher, or as skilled as I was. That's not my ego talking either, these are things THEY told me and demonstrated it by filling my shelves with awards for my performance. I became a goddamn legend - so much so that they frequently called me to return and help get the next generation in line.

When they pushed a lower classman above me, I lost my shit. Who did they think they were?! I EARNED that leadership position! That was MY seat. I was the team captain because I DESERVED TO BE! I WORKED FOR IT!!! The building was coming down around them when I left and I wouldn't even accept their phone calls. Served them right too. Bastards.

There I was in another class. I was still stunned from the events that took place only days before. I sat there like a zombie most of the period, staring at nothing across the room. It took me some time to adjust to seeing that classroom again instead of the one I had then just abandoned. What made me even show up was the fact one of my favorite teachers also taught the new class. He took the time to teach me things and he was a positive male role model in my life. I had started to look at him as a father figure. He really cared about us, his students. He knew everything that went on already. He didn't push me, he waited for me to come back to reality on my own. It took a while.

I had suffered my last betrayal. I wouldn't let anyone get away with it again, and I'm still like that. You fuck me over, oh, BEST BELIEVE I'll make you pay for it one day or another. I sabotaged the whole program. I told the parents everything that went on and went above the heads of the instructors to get them in trouble too. I removed my endorsements and put them in jeopardy of being shutdown. I filled their lives with dark days. They needed me and I made sure they were willing to literally kiss the ground I walked on to have me back. I didn't expect quick results. It was a rather slow process and I was willing to wait.

I went into the weekend feeling oddly satisfied with the events that transpired that week. I shot a few quick moves to get some money after school, got into a big fight, guns and knives came out - it was wild. I handled mine like a G and some cats got laid down, unfortunately. That's how it is on the streets. It's war. All day, all night, every day and every night. You lose sleep and you see the faces of everyone you hurt. Most say they get it but they don't. They're just imagining it. But they don't know how it feels to beat someone into submission. They're used to school fights, not street fights to save your own life. They don't know how it feels to give someone a buck-fifty, that's 150 stitches, or to put three searing hot rounds in a man's chest. Yeah, they think they know but they don't know. They've never had to do it. Punk motherfuckers. Cowards, all of them. Fronting to look tough. Fuck 'em.

That was my Friday night. I shed blood and tears for this. I'm haunted by nightmares to this very day. The brutality a young person is capable of when their survival is on the line can't be understated. That burden is a heavy one. But I lived through it. And I woke up in that magical fortress again later that night.

Me: (bored) I'm starting to detect a pattern.

I felt small because the walls felt that much higher. I started calling it my pillow fort around then. See, I was always alone in there. I strangely began to find peace there. It had evolved into my own little safe space as it grew uncontrollably. I explored the corridors and felt their warmth. I had accepted it and it accepted me. There was no safer place in the world. I touched its smooth stone facets and felt its power. It was marvelous now. I spent hours exploring it and learning the new lay of the giant labyrinth that was being built around me. Each visit was different. It took me longer each time to find the warm center and, when I did, I bathed in the precious glow of that priceless heart stone. It was revitalizing; powerful.

Me: (warm) Daddy's home.

I had grown bold enough to approach the stone again, and crazy enough to even touch it. But I didn't care to take it anymore. In another way it was mine. It was like a secret at that point. I didn't want to show it off or sell it anymore, I wanted to keep it safe. I wanted to protect it. In a way, it sensed my intent. This time, I was able to remove it from its pedestal and carry it around the chamber. I poured my emotions into it, confiding it, and it buzzed somewhat happily. I cradled it like a small child and stroked its faces lovingly. It was the most valuable thing in the world to me. It was a part of me.

Me: I don't know who left you here and I don't care anymore. You're mine now and you'll be perfectly safe here. I won't let anyone find you. Ever.

I heard a voice. But it wasn't like a normal voice, it was a voice I heard in my head.

Voice: No, I'm protecting you. It's you who will be found by no one. You are the single most valuable thing in the world to me. You care for me and give me power. I will return that gift by keeping you safe from everyone. Let them come. I will destroy them all. So long as you are here, not a soul shall lay a hand on you. This is my promise. I will let no one in and you will never be made to leave until you are ready. I will make a way should you choose but you are always welcome here. I am yours and you are mine. We are one.

I thought I was losing my damn mind.

Me: (appalled) I must be crazy. If I didn't know any better, I'd believe you just spoke to me…and I'm talking to a rock. I really need more sleep.

Voice: You are asleep and, at the same time, you are here with me. That is because we are one. I bring you here to protect you. I bathe you in my light and prepare you for the challenges you must face. So long as I exist, you will live. I will shield you from everything. Sleep now. I will handle the rest.

The ground rumbled violently as I returned the heart stone to its pedestal. The thunderous sound of the fortress changing, growing, didn't bother me anymore. It became routine. The stone glowed more brightly, its warmth engulfed me, my eyelids grew heavy, and I woke up in my bed.

Me: (confused) Well, that happened…