Summer break should’ve been the best days of my life since it’d be the most peaceful. When I was home, no one would bother me. No one would ever dare to destroy my life. In spite of that, it was also the most boring. I don’t have any particular interest, so I have nothing else to do. Every summer break I always felt like this, it was as if the whole world was cursing me. So far, the only thing to do was to help with the household chores and watch random shows on TV. Exploring my social media, I often yawn at the same shared posts on my newsfeed.

That girl surfaced to my field of vision. Ayanokouji-san left for good, but her warning rested to my brain as if it was forcing itself to be the source of my anxiety. So far, I have three options, it was either to transfer school like what Ayanokouji-san did, lock myself inside this room and become a legit hikkikomori [1], or stay on attending school while enduring my day by day tribulations. With that in mind, I’d choose the third option. “I don’t want to cause trouble to my parents” that was the reason that I kept from holding on just for me to continue this miserable life. I must either endure or welcome pain itself until the time comes that I have enough courage to make a choice.

On that Monday morning of the second week of summer break, I had the urge to go out to free myself from these tedious days.

“I’ll go on a journey”

Hope that sounds cool.

I explored my phone to look for this town on Google Maps [2]. Before going out, I properly dressed so that my mother wouldn’t suspect. Going to the living room headed to the exit, I realized that she was still at the convenience store working. Without anyone to address with “I’m going”, I let out a sigh and still chanted:

“I’m going.”

At least I have to respect our home before leaving.

I get a hard grip on my backpack while passing through our gate. First, I’d like to find a peaceful place in this town. Some kind of a mountain or highland where I could be alone, breathing the fresh air while being surrounded by nature, was more than enough. Perhaps one place where I could shout as loud as I could too. It’d be the perfect place to relieve myself away from stress. Fortunately, with enough searching, I have found one or two. The destination that I had selected was the nearer one of course. After around twenty minutes of walking alone, I was enveloped by a dark atmosphere. Each time I crossed with someone on the road, I always felt like I was being stared at. I imagined them holding a gaze of contempt at me along with proposing caustic remarks.

I crossed two girls and heard them talking to each other.

“Isn’t that one creepy? Fu fu fu.”

One of the girls said while she was pointing something -probably a picture- on her phone. Although it was obvious that she was talking about something else, I have a pessimistic thought that they’d speak bitter remarks about me once they disappear from my vision. I was always overthinking, and I often think about bad outcomes. Not long enough, I aborted my mission and ran fast towards home.

Why did I do this in the first place?

I posed a question to myself. Expectations would ruin reality. I just woke up in good mood and then had the impulse to explore. This was nonetheless a whimsical decision. Right, I had a good dream of exploring this old quiet town. That’s what pushed me to do this activity. I thought everything was gonna be all right. I imagined myself sleeping on the grass while taking heed to the sounds of birds, but what happened today was absurd. First and foremost, a broken person like me shouldn’t have the right to imagine myself being peaceful. My days should be either filled with abuse or not… boredom. If I was outside, I deserve to experience endless pain. If I was inside my room, I deserve to die from boredom. Reaching the gate of our house, I took a deep breath. Being locked inside my room, which was considered as a prison cell of an old dungeon, was the best treatment for me. I must rot inside that place until the summer break ends, and once done, I must get out only to become a slave to those three girls. I entered the house while saying:

“I’m home.”

Oh, no one’s home.

Dropping my gaze while headed to my room, I opened the door and sluggishly lay down to my bed. With all the windows closed and lights off, I picked my phone from my pocket to know that it was my sole light source. I looked at the time and grinned in distress. I get out around 1:00 PM and now it was 1:48. I didn’t even last an hour of walking alone. It was as though the town itself was a vast wilderness where I’d feel danger in every corner. Each people were like wild beasts that could feast on me at any time. I was not originally from this place, so as an outsider, I couldn’t adapt to this jungle unless I was considered as someone in the top of the food chain. Too bad, I was nothing but a dependent herbivore.

And so, the days went on with the daily routine of eating, letting the time pass, then go back to sleep. Days came by with no significant or memorable event occurring. The numbers on the calendar were marked with an “X” until it arrived at the month of September. Now that the boring summer break was over, I was more than prepared to take the first step to humiliation, pain, melancholy, breakdown, verge of tears, madness, and any tragic source of raising a miserable life. The second chapter of the tragedy in the making story was about to start.

[1] In Japan, hikikomori (Japanese: ひきこもり or 引き籠り, lit. "pulling inward, being confined", i.e., "acute social withdrawal"; colloquially/adaptive translation: shutter) are reclusive adolescents or adults who withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement. Hikikomori refers to both the phenomenon in general and the recluses themselves. Hikikomori have been described as loners or "modern-day hermits". Estimates suggest that nearly half a million Japanese youth have become social recluses.

[2] Google Maps is a web mapping service developed by Google. It offers satellite imagery, street maps, 360° panoramic views of streets, real-time traffic conditions, and route planning for traveling by foot, car, bicycle, or public transportation. Google Maps began as a C++ desktop program at Where 2 Technologies