I was close to asking the right question. It was so simple that I couldn't help overlooking it. It was a missed opportunity, I admit that, but I was just a kid. Who could blame me? And things didn't get any easier to figure out either. See, I learned from my conversations with the walls of that place how to stay there. Several times it reminded me that I would only leave when I was ready. So, I decided to stay a while after my next trip to the fortress.

What took me back?

I endured a string of betrayals. Every girl I caught feelings for over the course of the next year broke my heart. Of course it was just puppy love, but I really liked them. A steady flow of infidelity while I remained faithful, young women and homeboys alike set me up, drug addicts stole from me, and it didn't end there. I started seeing who I thought was the one for me before I turned 19. She was gorgeous, slim, and had a big butt. She was sassy and her family loved me. They spent time with me. But I had to learn not to judge a book by its cover. I couldn't judge a young woman by her family.

Just because they're one way doesn't make her the same. Everyone is an individual. Well, there was trouble in paradise early in our relationship and I chose not to see it. There were clues that I ignored. Her mother warned me out of love and I just smiled it all away. But one day the unthinkable happened.

We were intimate a lot. I gave her lots of money, spent even more on her and her family, and took her out often. Then her interests seemed to shift and she talked to me less, giving me more attitude, despite me being really nice, whenever she did talk to me. She was distant. Eventually, things didn't seem right in my own body. There was a burning pain when I went to the bathroom and even some blood every now and then. I freaked out and ran to the doctor. The diagnosis came in and I was irate.

I wasn't as hurt as I thought I'd be. Instead I was angry. I didn't ask much, just for her not to play me. Well, she had to fuck around anyway. I remember wrecking my bedroom and making a phone call. Later that day, I tapped the glass of her living room window with the blunt side of what I was holding and then pointed it toward the inside, waiting for her to peek out. The curtains moved and then I heard her scream as she ran to the back. I beat on the door like a madman while my friend quickly ran from the car to get me. The news from the doctor was like a slug to the chest, so I figured I'd put one in hers.

Me: YOU BURNT ME, YOU NASTY BITCH! COME OUT HERE!!!

I jumped off the porch and ran around the side to knock on her window before my homie got to me.

Me: I'm calm now. I just want to talk. Let me in.

I tucked the shotgun between my legs and put my empty hands up in the window. I waited until I could hear her whimpering in fear before I picked the gun back up and pointed it at the window.

Trash: I called the police. Get the fuck out of here before they arrest your ass!

Me: Baby, I'm not even mad no more. I'm just disappointed. My boy told me to cool off and hear you out. Let's fix this. I'm good now.

I wrapped my finger around the trigger, removed the safety, and waited for her to approach the window. I had resolved to squeeze it the moment I saw her. My boy was on his way to stop me. She was taking too long.

Me: Come on, baby. I'm not even mad at you for what you did, it was how you did it. You weren't being safe. I don't control you. You're going to do what you want. But you could have used protection for my sake. What if you had given me HIV or herpes? I trusted you.

That much was true. But what I didn't mention was that those words would be the last she'd ever hear if she let me see her in that window. Remember when I said not to fuck me over? Why couldn't she have just abided that? I wasn't worried about my ability to last, or the size of my member, or my skill. I knew none of that was unsatisfactory. She used me for money and sex but didn't give a damn about my pleasure or health. After she finished, which was quick, I had to hurry or stop. And what she got from me, she went and gave to someone else behind my back. The LEAST she could have done was use a goddamn condom!

My boy got to me and ushered me back to the car. He knew I'd never turn a gun on him - not in a million years. That was my brother. We fought wars together. Literally gang wars together. We shed blood and lost blood together. I would never hurt him. Never. I went with him and he hid the gun in the trunk. We left and the police never came for me. None of the witnesses liked her and they tried to tell me. I thought they were just jealous of her because they readily admitted to liking me. I should have listened. She was a dirty person. It's not okay for a woman OR a man to do things like that to someone. State your fucking intentions up front, stick to them, and be SAFE out here! Fuck is wrong with y'all?! No one should be put through the same turmoil as I endured that time.

I went to the doctor and spent a month on antibiotics. I was cured and she called to bury the hatchet on Christmas. I told her I'd never forgive her and she owed my boy her life because I surely intended to take it from her. That was the truth. She cried. I hung up. Fuck her.

Word around town was her mother was beside herself with anger. She called me and apologized profusely, inviting me to come beat her daughter up off of principle. I declined and told her I would miss her but I had to stay away. I loved that old lady. When she met me she offered to date me instead. She liked me so much that she threatened to steal me away someday. I should have fucked with her instead. She meant it too. She beat the girl and threw her out after - at least that's what I heard. I helped that woman keep up the house so she wouldn't have to work so much. I made her life easier. I had a vicious temper because I had problems, but I was otherwise a good man. Why did Trash have to ruin that? She manipulated me and took from me what I worked so hard for. I shared my wealth with everybody in my life, ESPECIALLY her and her family! She pushed me over the edge and that is NOT right. Fucking bully. I was good to her, I DIDN'T DESERVE THAT!!!!!

Yo, before some shit headed SJW has something to say, it's called temporary insanity. You can talk all you want but women do that shit to men all the fucking time when those men cheat. They freak out and get violent. I just learned to stop doing that and that it's not okay to issue physical punishment over hurt feelings. But I was only 19 back then. If several women can be excused by the public, and even defended, for attempting to murder their men or for dismembering them because they thought the man was cheating, or because he actually did, you can do the same for me for the exact same reason. I'm human too. You don't hold me to a higher standard when I'm susceptible to the same! That's blatant hypocrisy! Be fair!!!

You've got to believe her! Yeah, believe these nuts. I believed her automatically and that's what I got for it. NO ONE is above lying about ANYTHING at any time, get it? No one! No one is above playing childish games or fucking people over, and gender MOST CERTAINLY is NOT a factor in that. Don't just happily be a fucking idiot.  Women just don't get caught up as easily as men do. That's it. If I did it to her, you'd be screaming for her to cut my dick off and feed it to a stray dog. Shame on you! FUCK this reality TV bullshit.

Okay, I'm good now. I'm good. Now that I've made a few hundred million more enemies because I believe in honor and fairness instead of chivalry, I guess I'll continue…

That event granted me an all access pass to the Hidden Leaf for a while. I got to run around the woods and the complex freely for about a year without anyone even noticing I was gone. Isn't that strange? Talk about being on some shinobi shit! My shadow clone jutsu was impeccable! Flawless! Anyway…

I finally stumbled upon the question I needed to ask.

Me: Who made you?

There was a long pause. I waited for what felt like an eternity. I didn't think I'd get an answer but…

Voice: Everyone.

Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me! I'm not kidding either! THAT'S what it said! Look, I know how this story ends and I'm STILL pissed off about that answer! Ain't that some shit?! I ran around that place for a year and it gave me a one word answer like a man who isn't interested in the annoying pretty girl who's trying to serve him her coochie on a silver platter! A year! A fucking year! Can you believe that?!

It's time to wrap this one up. This episode really touched a nerve with many of you, and I understand that. It's triggering. But, fuck you, I say what I want. I'm not going to be dishonest because you're too sensitive to handle the truth. This is life. This shit ain't a movie. You don't have to like it but it's still true, this world is complicated and real, I'm human, you're human, and it's time to grow up. Ideals are just opinions that are beautiful to those who share those biases. Ideals aren't real. They're constructs of the mind that fit ideal situations. But when things aren't ideal, they largely don't work. That's why they so often fail. If this chapter of MY life offends you, I'm sorry you're such a narcissistic, self-righteous crybaby who can't comprehend that most people can't experience the world the way you do.

Shout out to Mikiwi for all the love and for truly listening to me. Welcome to Fly Agaric, and thank you for agreeing with me about morals. It's important to consider the complexity of life and how absolute morals can in fact make things much worse. My writers ain't shit, but shout out to them for creating me.

Adam out!