Dysphoria
Apr 01, 2019
Dysphoria is super unpredictable. Some days I'm more ok with my fleshly vessel than others. Some days I'm less affected by being misgendered. Since I'm not out to everyone, and I can't pass very well, I've grown to numb myself from dysphoria by dissociating. But some days, it's vicious and clouds my mind completely. A couple weeks ago, my mom called me a girl, quite obviously to reinforce her not accepting me. It sent me into a spiral for three days, where I couldn't focus and was nauseous all the time. I outwardly flinched at misgendering and couldn't look into a mirror or down at myself without literally crying. Yesterday, in the other hand, I felt semi-comfortable in my body and was able to overlook misgendering easier. Today I'm in between the two. Every day is different. And everyone's experience with dysphoria is different.
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