Dinner came in a flash of time and ended fast because Shinsengumi’s men ate like beggars. After dinner, I was soon called to Hijikata’s room by no other than Hijikata. He let me in and without a word he exited.

I sprawled myself on the tatami floor, rolling here and there. It was boring in his room. Everything was neat and clean. There was nothing out of order for me to clean and to keep myself busy. Does it mean I can snoop around looking for secrets? Sounds fun! I sat by the door and slid open a small gap to see whether they had gone to the pleasure house yet. They seemed to be on stand-by at the gate. When I thought it was safe to make a move, I saw Hijikata race back to where I was. I immediately placed myself sitting.

Hijikata slid open the door and approached me with rush. From his hand, he passed me a small knife. “In case anything happens when we’re gone.” He whispered and quickly went away to regroup.

I kept the knife slipped behind my obi , near enough for my hand to reach straightaway. Then I proceeded to snoop around. I saw something shiny and noticed that it was the coins I had returned to Hijikata. Those coins were still there on the tatami floor; just like how I had left it. I chuckled at how stubborn he was over a few coins. He should have kept it.

The next thing I noticed was the box of letters I had thrown at him when he asked me to deliver it to the guard. It was still there, flipped backward. I took it and opened the box. Untying the string which kept those envelopes together, I began reading them one by one. I found out that those letters were love letters to Shinsengumi’s captains, not only Hijikata. The one who asked for a visit to Shimabara was actually a letter directed to Saitou Hajime.

Reading those love letters were actually fun and time-killing. The sky had turned pitch black by the time I had finished reading all the letters as well as some ponders about Shinsengumi’s captains. I arranged them and tied them again, keeping them in the box and put the box upside down like before. It would be bad if Hijikata found out that I snooped around. An idea popped into my mind and I approached Hijikata’s desk. I looked for a piece of paper and an envelope. I also took a grip of a brush which was wet with ink and wrote a letter of prank.

“Dear Toshi, with this letter I only hope that you will come to visit. There’s something important I must tell you. You know who I am.” I finished it quickly, waited for the ink to dry and slid it in the envelope. I put the letter together with others. Hijikata-san asked me to deliver those…which means he won’t read this. I guess I’ll keep this prank until the next batch of love letters come. With a quick change of mind, I slid the letter into my sleeve. To ensure Hijikata that I hadn’t touched his stuffs; I returned all tools back to its places.

It hadn’t been long and my ears caught some noises from next door; my room. Someone seemed to have entered it and ransacked some stuff. From the sound of how the ‘burglar’ treated several items, he seemed angry. I wondered if he would enter Hijikata’s room. Despite being in Shinsengumi for two days, I knew how big of an impact Hijikata had throughout the headquarters. No one would dare to offend him but considering how he treated people…it was possible for someone to bear hatred towards him.

Taking precaution step, I hid myself inside the cupboard. I have to be silent. I reminded myself as I shifted my butt to put myself in a comfortable position. That moment, I felt something solid under my butt. Curious of what it was, I reached a hand to pick it up. It was a notebook.

Hogyoku? The name written on the cover did not ring any bell. Curious why and what it contained inside, I flipped over the cover and read what was written inside. If I knew, I would get lost. If I hadn't known, I wouldn't have gotten lost in the path of love. What is this poem? Being in this cupboard, this book must have belonged to Hijikata. To think he writes about love is beyond my imagination. Hm?

The door to Hijikata’s room was slid open harshly. The burglar must have entered. My heart raced fast abruptly, hoping I wouldn’t be caught.

“Where is that girl?! Brother said it is impossible for her to go to Shimabara but she’s nowhere!” A foreign voice exclaimed.

Brother? Whose brother? Who is his brother?

Some items were thrown aside from the sound of it. His footsteps were getting close to the cupboard. I held my breath. Is he an enemy of Shinsengumi? An outsider? I wondered. I put the book down. If he opened the cupboard, I would rush out and run out of here.

His footsteps were getting far. He stopped. He came close. He probably knelt down and ransacked Hijikata’s desk, throwing aside books, ink and brushes. He crawled closer and sat, leaning on the cupboard door. I could hear a ‘thud’ which probably was the sound of his back touching the door. I put both palms over my mouth and breathed as shallow as possible. My heart beat faster, my body broke into cold sweat and my pupils dilated in the dark. A sudden sound echoed. It sounded like a fart.

I was so nervous that I farted! I was in total frenzy when my butt sinned against me.

“Who’s there?!” The man stood up quickly and slid the door open. I had no choice but to send my index finger and middle finger forward and squeezed his nose with all my might. While he groaned in pain, I released my fingers and sprinted out of Hijikata’s room.

As my instinct told me, I ran towards the trees and bushes. Unfortunately, before I could hide myself among the plants, I collided onto someone. It was dark so I couldn’t see his face clearly. To my greatest horror, this man pushed me onto the ground forcefully, loosened my sash a bit and pulled my collar, revealing my neck and bosom slightly. He took hold of my wrists with a hand and with another hand he covered my mouth. To my very disgust he leaned down and sniffed on me by my neck. Then he placed his lips on my neck.

No! Let go of me! Upon such mistreat, I raised my foot and kicked him on his dingdong. He left me no choice. Having my hands both released, I brandished the knife from my loose sash and scratched his upper arm. As soon as I could, I propped myself up to run.

No matter how confident I am in knife-aiming, there’s no way I can beat a man’s physical strength. I wheezed. Trembling with fright, I forced myself to keep running as I kept my clothes together. Good thing was my sash wasn’t that loose. Only upper part of my clothes was in disarray. Tears began to form and flowed down my cheeks uncontrollably. I didn’t know which way I was going but I had to get out of the headquarters. I ran towards the gate and saw lights.

They are back! I felt a sudden relief spread through my whole body. I almost tripped on my footing but I managed to keep on running until I reached the gate. My eyes leaked rapidly upon the sight of Hijikata. I realized at that moment that he had been trying to protect me. He must have anticipated such happening and he did his best to prevent it by putting me in his room knowing that he had a strict image and that men of Shinsengumi would never risk entering. If I had stayed in my room I wouldn’t have survived that ordeal. He wanted me to be able to protect myself that was why he asked me to train with Yamazaki. However, it was unexpected that someone would step into Hijikata’s room daringly.

He could have just told me that someone might assault me…

“What happened?! Why are you…” Hijikata lost his words when he saw me. He held onto my shoulders. “Search the Headquarters! Do not let anyone suspicious get away!” Hijikata ordered and those soldiers made a bee line to work. He removed his haori  and covered me with it. If he was a demon, I could be going insane because I sensed a hint of humanity from him when he circled a comforting arm around my shoulder.

His hands are comforting… Dropping the knife with some blood on the blade, I lost control of myself and cried in front of people for once in a blue moon. I trembled, I sobbed, I sniffed and I bawled.

“Toshi, take Sayo to her room first.” Kondo spoke.

“No. her room and my room are not good. I’m sorry Kondo-san, can we stop by your room first before deciding anything else?” Hijikata suggested, requesting politely.

“Alright. Come with me.” Kondo said, and led us there.

In Kondo’s room, Hijikata had someone to prepare some tea to calm me down. Once I was calm, I told them what had happened. Feeling insecure, I refused to return to my room. After a while of discussing, they let me sleep in Kondo’s room while Kondo and Hijikata would share Hijikata’s room for the night.

Despite all the arrangement, I couldn’t bring myself to feel secure that night. I couldn’t sleep as the horror was strongly attached to my mind. Every time I remembered it, I found myself crying continuously.