An unfamiliar hip hop song sounded from behind me as I pulled in for a landing. Tsubasa sat straight up and answered her phone. The NPC AWACS reminded me to slow down, which I was already doing anyway. Tsubasa jumped off the couch and brushed past me, making a break for the door. She hadn’t even taken her shoes off when she came in. I know it's a western style house but I sleep on that couch. I brushed it off and clicked back the console dashboard. I was seriously craving ice cream. I knew damn well mom didn’t have any around, but I’m sure Ms. Kim would let me take a small bar or something if I popped by. I know I shouldn’t take advantage of her like that, but my allowance was pitiful. I wandered down into the store.

Sakiko was up behind the counter and a customer or two shuffled about but Mom was nowhere in sight. I left calmly yet without hesitation as to not arouse suspicion. If my Mom found out, it would just be another lecture.

Something was off when I hit the street. Tsubasa was standing in the middle of the narrow street, pensive, ready to strike. Another yakuza in a yellow blazer stood across from her. Only he had a knife in his hand… and it was covered with blood. Beyond him was a woman cradling her stomach, clearly bleeding. I barely recognized her as my mother at first, but the revelation hit like a brick. In worry and rage I nearly charged the man with the knife. Fear held me back. I had to do something, but in the moment I had no idea what.

Tsubasa snapped forward and then rolled to the side to dodge a downward slash. She sprung up from the left side tackling the madman. She pinned the arm holding the knife down to the ground, pinning his chest with her knee. She struggled to keep him from raising the weapon.

“Kairi!” Tsubasa called over to me. I ran forward in a panic toward the struggle. Tsubasa was still trying to wrestle the knife away. I gingerly lifted my leg and placed my heel on the flat of the blade adding weight until the knife snapped free from his fingers. Faster than I could blink, Tsubasa picked up the knife and brought it to the madman's throat. He went limp and stopped struggling.

“Tiger Scum!” she hissed. Nearby, sirens began to wail and Tsubasa sprung to her feet, giving the prone man’s face a good stomp with her heel. “Thanks” she said between deep staggered breaths. Tsubasa ran off as the sirens grew louder. I rushed over to my mother. She was still groaning in pain. There was so much blood, the smell was suffocating. Reluctantly I pulled off my t-shirt and did what I could to staunch the bleeding. I pushed down as hard as I could and tried very hard not to cry.

I admit I don’t remember much else from back then. My mother made it to the hospital safely and was rushed into surgery. It was a mind numbing sit with nothing but anxiety to keep me preoccupied. When the doctors finally sat down with me, they explained how the knife had kicked her heart. It was a potentially life ending injury escaped by the narrowest of margins. She was very weak. They said she’d recover in time, but she was going to need rest and most likely an additional surgery down the line. I spent the next few days running back and forth between home and the hospital. Ms. Kim helped in every way she could, She was by my mothers side at least as much as I was, if not more.

It was the longest week of my life and the stress weighed me down the whole way. My mother was still so frail. It was clear she wouldn’t be able to work for some time. We were barely staying afloat with things as they were. My mother told me not to worry about it, but we were dangerously close to losing the store.

The plan of action I came up with was monumentally boneheaded. I was rolling the dice that if diplomacy failed the sheer audacity might put me over the top. I took another long deep breath and wisps of white dissipated as I exhaled. This was a monumentally boneheaded plan. I put my hands back in my pockets and took the first step down into the hostess club run by the dragons. The woman watching the door shot me a disapproving look as I walked up to her. “I need to see Xianying.” She looked me over and then picked up a phone next to her lectern. She hit the button for an internal line. I couldn’t hear what she said over the din of customers in conversation.

The woman nodded and lead me to the heavy wooden door in the back. She opened it and waved me inside. The door closed behind me with an audible thunk. The ambient noise was reduced to a soft patter in the Dragon’s den.

The original plan was to try and explain the delicate financial situation my family found itself in, while doing my best not to imply this whole situation was totally their fault. I had counted on there to be more than a little resistance to my proposed compromise. What I had not expected though, was Tsubasa leaping from her seat before I could say a word and punching me in the mouth.

I let out a terrified and pained shriek as her other fist slammed into my stomach. The pain caused me to double over. I curled into a ball, but no more attacks came. The woman in blue and Makoto held Tsubasa back.

“Enough!” Xianying’s voice echoed in the small space. Tsubasa stopped struggling and allowed the girls to drag her out a back door. She glared at me.

“Get up.” I got to my feet slowly, my face aching. My cheek was already a bit puffy. Makoto’s hands went to my sides and quickly patted me down all over.

“She’s clean.” Matoko gave an approving thumbs up. The silver haired chinese woman took a seat in one of the small booths. She gestured to the opposite end for me to join her.

“I apologize for Tsubasa. The police have been hunting her since your mother was attacked. She’s convinced you were the one who told the police she stabbed your mother.” I damn near choked on my spit

“She didn’t!” I protested defensively.

Xianying nodded.

“We know, or she would not be with us now. Still, the police are looking for her.” Makoto spoke up. “Apparently they found her prints on the knife.”

I shook my head.

“She touched it to throw it away that’s all.” I tried not to sound too defensive.

“So she told us. You said nothing to the police about her stabbing your mother?” She stared into my eyes. I returned her glare.

“I didn’t say a damn thing about her.”

It’s true I hadn’t mentioned anything about Tsubasa at all. Though the police had more than likely pieced her movements together regardless. I made sure to look her square in the eye, hoping she’d take that as a signal I was telling the truth.

Xianying nodded.

“It seems then you have me at a disadvantage again. Why are you here?”

I took a deep breath and blew it out my cheeks. I’d forgotten the speech I rehearsed, so I was stuck trying to piece together the bullet points on the fly.

“My mom can’t work, not really, and without a loan we’re going to lose the store and our home.”

She snorted at me.

“This isn’t exactly a loan office...”

I jumped in before she could get upset.

“I know-I KNOW but we cant pay both the interest on a loan and keep paying protection to you. We’re just barely skating by as is...” To my immeasurable relief, Xiangying nodded and looked down at her hands.

The door behind me opened and Blast stepped in, nudging my arm as she passed by.

“Come to take me up on my offer?” Blast’s tone was teasing.

I took a deep breath.

“Yeah.” I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to explain further. Blast did look rather surprised.

Xianying shot Blast a glare.

“I think she’d be a halfway decent Dragon if I got half a chance to beat the dumbass out of her. I mean she needs a lot of work but...”

“You’ll take responsibility?” Blast rubbed her nose.

“Hell yeah. I’ll make her into a real Yakuza, I promise you that.”

Xianying sighed. “I’ll give you a week.” Blast gave me a broad devilish smile as she tugged on my arm. “If you’re serious we’ve got no time to lose.” I followed her through the back of the club.

The back corridors were a claustrophobic labyrinth of dark offices and storage rooms. One large room with the lights on was a dressing room for the hostesses. I looked away quickly as we passed by. It only dawned on me a few seconds later that if they had been in the midst changing they would have closed the door. At least that’s what I had assumed until I passed by a few days later to accidentally catch exactly that. Before I could slip away one of them called on me to close the door for them. I had to cancel my forward momentum and swing back around. I covered my eyes with one hand and blindly felt around for the door handle with the other. After a second of awkward flailing I found it and pulled the door shut with a loud clunk. I’d always felt inconsolably awkward in changing rooms and public baths. The human body was nothing to be ashamed of right? And seeing another woman naked wasn’t supposed to be a big deal. Something about it never sat right with me like I was doing something wrong and a big part of me knew it. Uh.. where was I? Ah Training.

Blast’s bike was parked in the filthy lot behind the building. Bits of trash swirled around kicked up by the wind. Blast turned around and confronted me as the heavy metal door snapped shut behind us.

“How’s your mom doing?” I kicked at the pavement.

“She’s… alright. Still she’s going to be down an out for quite a while.” She scratched at her chin.

“Still can’t believe the tigers did that.” The fog of her breath hung in the air.

“Why not? The tigers are your enemies right?”

Blast chuckled.

“Actually no, that’s the problem. The tigers are our brothers. The Kojima Clan is at the top right? The tiger, tortoise, swan, and dragon families all get our marching orders from them. There has always been competition between the sub-families but this is beyond the pale.”

That did seem odd but I didn’t have a great frame of reference for inter-Yakuza relations. Blast rocked back on her heels.

“Anyway, Why the change of heart? You’re that dead set on helping your mom?” Emotion and anxiety lurched in the pit of my stomach. I was not certain I wanted to have this particular conversation but I felt like I needed to tell somebody.

“It’s not just that. I- just feel like I’ve been going through the motions. I feel like I need to prove I can make choices beyond what to have for dinner.”

Blast nodded in understanding. “I get it. Great, you wanna prove it?” Blast shifted her stance as if readying for battle. “Strike me if you can! C’mon!” She taunted.

I took a ragged nervous breath. She stood stock still, her gaze was unwavering. I didn’t know how to stand or how I should attack. I tried to copy her stance and moved forward. I took a deep breath and threw an experimental punch. Blast caught it with her hand and tossed it aside easily.

“Pathetic!” She snorted, chuckling to herself. “This is going to be fun.”

The next week she picked me up from school every day and we’d go train in the back lot of the club. She taught me how to throw a punch and block mostly. Given the short deadline Blast decided it was best to keep things simple. The cold weather allowed me to wear thick clothes without overheating. The extra padding helped immensely when I fell, or more precisely when Blast tossed me on my ass. The woman in blue, I learned her name was Aoi, brought us snacks and bottles of water. Tsubasa did actually apologize for punching me. She’d been cooped up in the club and it was clearly driving her crazy. Talking with me during our breaks seemed a nice distraction from climbing the walls.

Tsubasa pulled me aside one day as I slipped out of the bathroom. I’d been using it as a changing room. Cold weather or no training left me sweaty as all hell and walking home drenched in it seemed like a good way to catch cold.

“You know you can just use the changing room right?” Tsubasa looked at me with a stupid grin. I was in fact aware I could use the changing room. Aoi had offered the same on the second day when she showed me around. I hadn’t taken her up on her offer for two reasons. The first my general awkwardness changing around other people. I had enough trouble at school changing out for gym class or even worse swim class. Second I really didn’t wanna bother the hostesses and if I was being really honest with myself they intimidated the hell out of me. I mean their whole deal was being attractive and entertaining for money. Dorky little Kairi had no business being lumped in with the pretty girls.

Look I’m not proud of being self conscious about my looks. It’s just… well is it wrong to kinda wish someone found you attractive? Not that I was in any hurry whatsoever to settle down. It might seem hypocritical but whenever I see photos of my classmates with their boyfriends, I get kinda… miffed. I know how it sounds but it’s not jealousy okay? Example there was this video of this girl I know floating around. She’s trying out some gymnastics jumping over some padded squares. Well goes without saying she critically fails her acrobatics and smacks down into the mat. She’s fine obviously and jumps right back up, bouncing around and giving her boyfriend, he was filming it with his phone, a high five. There was nothing wrong with it but it still bugged me for days. It took me a while to find the words to explain why. It’s like this, the idea of some guy following me around really bugs me. I see this video and all I’m thinking is who the hell invited this guy? I mean I get it boyfriend and all but why isn’t she bothered with him being there? I know I would be. I look at this girl and I realize I have no idea what’s going through her head. I can't relate to her at all.

It’s that last bit that really worried me. It's that sort of thing that really makes you second guess every choice you’ve made along the way. Really makes me wonder if I missed something. If there was some choice I never saw because I don’t think like everyone else seems to. I know in a clinical sense, people are all very different and you can't really know someone else's thoughts. Yet it still feels like I’m some sorta outsider unable to relate to ‘normal’ folks. It made me realize just how damn lonely I’d been for so long.