Dear diary, 
I AM BORD! Nothing has happened so
IM GOING TO TELL MY LIFE STORIE! CASE I CAN!
So I was adopted. And before I go on........No I wasn't from an orphanage. My mom had trouble taking care of me and my 2 younger brothers. I have been told a lot of different reasons for this. She was on drugs. She didn't have a stable job and she was hooked up for money. And one more reason I heard from my brothers was she simply didn't love us. Now I don't know the real reason. So I am not going to hang on this anymore. So, I was in a program called foster care. Now, in case you don't know what Foster care is I shall explain. It's this program that kids whose parents can't take care of them go in. Now the reason that the parents can't take care of them varies. Sometimes its drugs, neglecting, abuse, No money. It depends. Anyway, so the kids are taken away and moved from home to home. Sometimes the parents can earn them back other times the kid gets adopted by a family. Others don't. ; -; At age 18 I think it was they are no longer allowed in the program. So, I moved through 5 different homes before I came to the home that was going to adopt me. I was intimated at first. I had one of my little brothers with me at the time. His name was Michael. At the time the only thing I had was what I call my special blanky (It's the only thing I still have it to this day. It's something I will never give up. ) And my brother. We stayed there until the age of 7. I started kindergarten when I was with them. I made 2 of my best friend case of them. (I still know them today. :3) I thought everything was great! Until reality hit. My foster parent now mom got slightly abusive. One story my friend told me happened was that once we were going grocery shopping and I did something and my foster mom started yelling at me and ended up hitting me in the face and left a slight bruise. Now I don't remember this so I can't tell you if it really happened or not. Another thing that happened was right before I started 1st grade. Because of past trauma, I had anxiety. This was the 4th night I couldn't sleep and I woke up my foster mom and she looked at me and brought me to the hallway and spanked me and told me that I can't wake her up. After that, I never went to her for help again. The next night I got a little sleep but the night after that I didn't. So I woke up one of my brothers. Michael. (At this time my other brother Shawn was born) My foster mom somehow heard us and took me out to the hall and i bet you know what she did there. That's right yelled and spanked me. This woke my foster dad up and he took me from my foster mom pretending to scold m. Once my mom went back to bed he stayed with me making me feel better. He told me it was ok to have anxiety and that a lot of people have it. It's not something I should be ashamed of. He stayed up with me until I fell asleep. That's why I am a daddy's girl. now skip forward to age 7. I got adopted. Notice how I said "I". My brothers didn't get adopted. Their dad wanted them. So the day they moved out I wasn't told they weren't coming back. I thought they were just going on a sleepover. Once I realized they weren't coming back I fell into depression. I started going to food for comfort case at this time my dad was working out of town and wasn't there. A month later I was a little chubby but nothing unhealthy. My mom scolded me. She told me that I was fat and ugly. I wasn't allowed in the kitchen for snacks anymore. So I started sneaking an apple or banana or a cookie form at night and I was caught and yelled at again. This is where my self harm of burning started. One night one of my older sisters caught me using one of her candles to pour wax on my arm. She took the candle and sat on my too small of a bed with me and talked to me. (I was still using a toddler bed at this time. It was too small so I had to sleep with my legs hanging over the end. Comfy) She told me to tell her why I was doing this and what was wrong. So I did. And she just sat there and listened to me hugging me and holding me in her lap as a mom would. she wiped my tears when I needed it and for once I felt like someone truly cared about me. It was then that I stopped burning myself and she would listen to me at night when I had anxiety. It turns out that she went through the same thing.

 Things started getting better from there. Now I didn't mention before but I did a child counseling case of my depression but I of longer needed it. BUT LUCKY ME!  About 2 years after I stopped counseling I was put back in because of a bad dream that I had. 
I think I am going to stop it here. I did about half SO ILL DO A PART 2!