You know beautiful metaphors about destiny and free choice aside. I haven’t thought this far ahead. Sure I know I love this girl…wait! I mean like, I mean I like this girl. Anyways feelings aside, I have no clue what to do about those very feelings. Like I all I could do was something out of an anime or cliche 80s movie like run to her house at 3am while it’s raining. In reality she probably wouldn’t wake up. I could walk with her in the morning at school and tell her. Or I could do it when it’s my favourite weather. Grey, barren skies that alluded to storms or her favourite weather that came once in a blue moon in winter. A late morning sunrise during the early hours of school. We could look and reminisce on our date as different stars began to shine.
In all honesty I had no preference in situation. The sunrise was a way more aesthetic and romantic scene to remember. I think I’ll do it in the walkway to C-wing quad. It has a view of the sunrise in the distance and the lack of other light sources adds to the ambience. What was I gonna say though? “Oh hey Alaska, I've liked you pretty much since I saw you... oh you don’t like me, oh we can still be friends though, right?” Ugh, I hate my brain, even I don’t believe in myself. You know this is actually the first time in my life that I’m having normal teen problems. Except now I'm kinda happy to partake in the acts of youth I would have frowned upon a couple months ago. But a couple months ago was before Alaska. Geez, this girl honestly has changed my life and taught me that feeling again is possible. All these words sound so wrong coming out of my mouth. I’m supposed to be the cold, unfeeling monster everybody knows I am?
A random me appears but this lucky bastard grew some facial hair. (Pfft so not jealous because of the fact that mine is on par with the girls at my school. Wait it kinda makes him look older... wait is this a spoiler? Eh, let’s call it a clue. Anyways back to the story.)
“Oliver, you’re not an unfeeling monster, that's just your guard being up. You're just afraid ‘cause having a heart meant things could hurt you...”
“True.”
“But, that doesn’t matter, you need to be vulnerable when it comes to Alaska or she’ll feel cut off from who you are.”
“Wow, you’re pretty wise…”
“No, you’re pretty wise…”
There was a moment of silence. We soon lost our composure and burst out laughing. It might've been the cringiest and stupidest joke I've ever thought of. (I swear this isn't filler material used to make the chapter longer to feed my insecurities as a writer.)
So anyways I knew where but not when and still not how. If the other me’s are anything like me and trust me they are. I'm useless at this kinda stuff thus so are they. I mean I may have cute ideas but nothing comes to fruition. Ideas grow but never bloom.)
Eureka, my go to girls, my best friends (my only friends) in the entire world, Ophelia and Vanessa. Let’s get the voice of reason first, Ophelia. Vanessa is a bit more on the raw side I guess. Her passion might just go to my head in the early morning tomorrow at school. It'll cause me to get the courage to start the conversation with Alaska. With my luck, my train of thoughts will run off the tracks mid sentence and be there like, “I didn’t think this far ahead." Nah you know what the three of us are a squad I wanna consult them at the same time. It can be a competition between rationality and spontaneity, like the me’s arguments in my head. And if worse comes to worse they’ll know what's good for me. I know they'll do anything that’s necessary to stop me from ruining what I have with Alaska on the impulse of some courage. Ugh, I appreciate these two people so much, they have no idea. (You know who you are fam. Wait is there a plural for fam or does fam refer to both a group and an individual? Wait why is this book becoming various grammar arguments? I should stop doing them. Who am I kidding? I know I won’t stop doing these stupid grammar ‘debates’. If I don’t ask the difficult questions who will?)
And so Monday came. I knew it was going to be a difficult day. I knew I wasn't gonna tell her that I like her but like I was still anxious. I had to speak about such mushy stuff with people. I‘ve never been one to share my feelings, but need to trust that me with the great facial hair. I need to be more open to people cause my real fear isn’t just to lose Alaska. What if I lose Van or Ophelia. If I lose them, I lose the very support structure that got me here. I know I’m gonna need them after Alaska ‘cause this gut feeling tells me it’s gonna be a no. I mean who wants to be with a guy like me? I mean I’ve never heard of anyone happy to date a basket-case except that one idiot from the breakfast club I guess. But I have kinda accepted the ‘no’ already like just in case. I've already made and got myself into the breakup playlist titled, “ For when you feel like emo trash”. Luckily, Van and Ophelia will be there to carry me when it’s all over.
And so tutor class passed and I went to English and Afrikaans. I had English in 2nd period though due to a period swap. But it was nice because not only could I talk to Alaska, I could make a very smooth transition to walk her to her locker. Luckily for once the teacher was absent and we got some random sub who didn’t care if we spoke or not. The Gods of plot convenience are on my side.
Alaska and I spoke and I was nervous for what was to come. In the back of mind I thought I should enjoy these little moments I had with her before I ruined it all. I also began to look around the class for open seats so that I could hide from her once this was all over. I couldn’t help but stare at her. Her smile had glimmers of slight imperfection made her even more beautiful. Those tiny details that made her Alaska. Those things drew me in and made me smile at her but luckily it was only for a little while. I was smart enough to realise before I ended up staring at her. (What made it worse is that when I stare at her I have these HUGE puppy dog eyes. Some may call them my please love me eyes.) I mean it’s so difficult to not stare at her, I tend to obsess over things I love ya’ know? Ugh to think all this would be up in smoke soon but to even get to meet her made me wonderless in how these things happen.
And so the period passed and I was on cloud nine. She made my cold, dead heart shimmer and smile again. I wasn’t just not miserable, I was happy. I left the class with her and I made up some lie about a friend’s locker in the same direction and we made our way to C-wing. When we got to her locker I was completely refused entry. She’d rather get in trouble for not having her books than let me see the inside of her locker. I wonder what she had to hide. Being the gentleman I was, I respected her wishes and left. I needed to see Van and Ophelia anyways so she just got lucky this time.
I rushed to my locker in B-wing, scrounged up my books and scurried to the C-wing quad. There on the bench were my only two friends among a larger coalition of friend groups who somehow all got along. Sure it was intimidating but I was never really 'here'. I was always alone somewhere but that was because that made me happy. I could grin and bear it for these two.
“Hi Van. Hi Ophelia.”
They both said hi in unison with almost the exact same gleaming smile. A kind of smile my friendless self had never experienced. The joy that feeling of friendship brought me was as euphoric the first time as it was the last. Enough of that mushy friend stuff though, let's get to the mushy relationship stuff.
“So, I called this meeting together to discuss a very important topic...”
“Is it Alaska?”, Van asked with intense curiosity while Ophelia sat in confusion. This was because while she and I had become friends in the short time I have known her unbeknown to you, the reader. She was still normally last to hear about my gossip.
“Shhhhh. Don’t say her name too loudly the voices might hear you or someone Alaska knows, she’s pretty popular ya know. I'm just anxious, you never know who’s listening….” I said looking around with shifty, untrusting eyes.
“But anyways, the titanic as we’ll call her...” I added.
“Wait, why the titanic?” asked Van.
“Well Alaska is mostly ice and ice makes icebergs and the titanic was struck by an iceberg. And the titanic was as unsinkable as my chances with this girl. Like duh Vanessa...”
“Ugh you idiot…” they said in unison,
“But anyways, so I had a date with the titanic and it went well, I think. And now I wanna make my move. I wanna go with the normal anime formula. That means I'll confess to her and then like vibe (do people still even call it that anymore?) for a couple episodes (days) and then finally before the season ends (month) I will make her mine.”
“You’re an idiot you know that right? Playing with that girl's emotions for a couple of ‘episodes’ is wrong. Even if it does make dating her feel a little better in the end.” Said Ophelia.
“So what should I do then?”
“Well since the moment is supposed to be special. Make her feel special. Be extra and romantic since you’d wanna remember this in the future. Like don't ask her if you wanna go out, do something, like ask to be her boyfriend.” said Ophelia.
“Wow...you're right maybe I should do that?”
Vanessa gave me a left hook to the jaw well more of a tap. Still she hit me and gave me a right stroke in the form of a pout and folded arms and that sent me into a spiral. Instead of being being mad I just hit her back (cause #It’s2016 #Feminism. Not an actual punch rather a feather-light, soft punch that she’d be more surprised than hurt ya know?)
“Ouch!” she cried in her irked voice.
“So why’d you punch me?” I asked.
“Because you didn’t even ask for my advice. You just took Ophelia’s. I mean it was great advice. So I don’t blame you but you never gave me a second thought it’s like when you're with Alaska you ignore me and forget I exist…”
“Ugh, stop being right all the time. Sorry that I forget you exist and sorry I didn’t think about asking for your advice so, what should I do?” I asked in a sarcastic yet concerned voice. The kind of voice where you’re sorry but kinda not cause you’re still mad at what the other person did.
“Well, I have always hated the fact that you tell a girl you like her, just like Ophelia does but for a different reason. I think you should just tell her you like her and would want her to be your girlfriend all in one go. I feel like that delay and wait ruins the chemistry, the continuation, the flow of energy if you will. Breaking that momentum is the thing that will most likely ruin your chances with her. Like just create a romantic setting and ask her u idiot. She’ll probably say yes anyways."
Vanessa leaned over to whisper to Ophelia, "No, she won’t but I gotta let the kid dream, oh and be prepared this one’s a crier and not a pretty one.” She said in a voice that made it sound like this whole situation was something she’ll never let me forget like we’ll be in old age homes and she’ll hit me up with a phone call saying, “Hey, remember when we were sixteen and you hit me you abusive geezer?”.
“Ugh always the spontaneity with you. You romantics always rush into things and never think stuff through. If I don’t plan I will just end up freezing and have the same success rate as you guys, 0%.” I said with a malevolent smile.
“So what do you think of this idea I had for a romantic setting?” I continued.
“Well...we’re all ears hurry up and tell us.”, Ophelia commented.
“I will ask her to do something during the holidays, maybe go to the waterfront's indie kind of stores or the mall. We'll make a day of just enjoying each other’s company. When I drop her off at the end of the night, just as she tries to go inside, I'll do that thing from all the romance anime. I'm talking about where the guy grabs the girl’s hand and pull her close. As we look into each other’s eyes we connect on an emotional level and get on the the same page. Then I'll ask her if she will be my girlfriend.”
They both hit the arm on the side of me that they were sitting.
“Ouch, what was that for?”
“That’s so cliche. What else could we do?” they said together, chuckling at their evil deeds.
“You know, I know it’s cliche...” My facial expression changed from pain to a subtle yet obvious smile. It was the smile of a man finally realising the dream of having all he had ever wanted in his life, love. (Or whatever he thought that meant at the time). It being cliche is what I like about it. I can prove that she fell for me and not the cute acts that I do for her. She'll remember me and not what we did, no matter which direction the date goes in. It’ll prove to me that Alaska and I are together to be together and it’s not to do stuff together, ya’ know?”
“Aww.” they said in unison.
“Still cliche though.” said Vanessa in her prideful voice that just wouldn’t let her be wrong.
“You know this is all good and well but when are you gonna ask her?” Vanessa asked.
“I’ve chosen the wonderful setting of the walkways of the C-wing quad. We'll have a perfect view of the sunrise’s myriad of colours almost like a reverse sunset. 'Cause sunsets are a happy ending but this can be our happy beginning.”
“Just do it on friday, she’ll probably be in a good mood and will say yes.” said Ophelia
“Walk her home after school and ask her then?” Offered Vanessa.
In shock, my soul left my body and I kinda sorta fainted and was just amazed at what this crazy girl expected from me…”
The bell rang and it was time for Bio and LO.
Comments (0)
See all