Look this is really hard for me to talk about . I personally don't know how to handle death. I tend to lose my shit when people die. ( If I know them personally.) The first time I had to deal with death I was 7 and I lost my best friend. So dealing with death is really hard for me . I didn't talk for about 2 and a half years after that. I understand that death happens to everyone but , I have severe separation anxiety and losing someone is one of the hardest things for me to deal with . I ... look I know it's selfish of me to expect everyone to stay but, it's hard for me to let go . 

        My best friend that I lost had a shit life . I swear on everything I love if I had the opportunity to go back I would run away with him and not give a f*ck were i'm going because if it weren't for his assh*le parents he would still be here . His parents were extremely abusive and they were tweakers . So they weren't exactly parents of the year. I get I need to let the f*ck go but...... I can't I loved him like family. He was my brother ( Not biologically , I just considered him my big brother.) and I will never stop loving him . I will never let go. 

       Brandon wherever you are ,  I love you . I'm sorry for all the dumb sh*t I've done . I promise I'll get my crap together. I'm going to keep fighting for what I believe in even if it kills me , just like you big brother. I'll always be myself till the day I die . I know you'll keep watching over me . Love you forever and ever .