It was night time in Asgard, and Thor was hungry. He had run out of rats to kill in his bedroom, and all the chefs were asleep.

It was time to raid the pantry.

Thor crept past his father’s room and into the Grand Hall Of Eating Things That Looks Something Like What Valhalla Is Supposed To Look Like, and crawled along the side of the room so as not to draw attention to himself.

“Brother-”

Thor jumped. He had already been found - oh. It was only Loki.

“-what are you doing?”

“That is none of your concern, Loki,” said Thor, and he continued to creep along the wall to the pantry.

“Hmm, perhaps not,” said Loki, and the door to the pantry disappeared. “But don’t you think Father would be disappointed if you were to raid the pantry at an hour like this?”

“Oh, shut up,” said Thor. “Father wouldn’t care.”

“Is that why you’re sneaking around like that?”

Thor did not respond.

“Alright, well, I’ll leave you to it.” The pantry door reappeared and Loki turned around.

“Brother. Tell no one of this,” said Thor.

“I won’t,” said Loki.

“Thor Odinson,” said Odin, father of Thor Odinson, Son of Odin. “For your misdeeds I cast you from the realm of Asgard and declare you forever banished.”

“But father, I only-” 

"Speak no more." Odin glared at Thor.

This was all Loki’s fault. Thor should have silenced him when he had a chance.

Odin snapped his fingers and Thor was swept away to another world. (Hopefully not Jotunheim. There were only so many mistakes Odin could allow to happen in one day.)

Then he picked up the hammer Mjolnir and whispered to it.

Loki watched from the corner. Mjolnir rose into the air and then flew away to another world. He didn’t know which one.

“So, um, Allfather,” he said, emerging from his hiding place. He pressed his hands together and looked up at Odin. “Can I be king now?”

Odin glared at Loki and snapped his fingers again.

“Well, that went well.” Loki was lying on the ground with dust in his mouth and pain everywhere else. He sighed.

“Brother! What are you doing here?” asked Thor, who was lying on the ground next to Loki.

“Never mind that,” said Loki, not wanting to admit that he had screwed up. “What about you?”

“I am no longer Thor Odinson,” Thor wailed. “I am now Brad. Brad Humanson.” He rolled around in the dirt. “All my power is gone.”

“Calm down, brother. I’m sure we’re not that doomed. As the humans would say-” Loki paused to look at Thor. Thor glared back at him. Loki raised his hands into finger guns- “Chill out.”

Thor slapped his head and groaned. “Do not threaten me with the cold. We must stick together if we are to return to Asgard.”

“It was a joke, brother.” Loki sighed. “But to return to Asgard? That may be a better joke. It will be millenia before Odin lets us in again.”

“I will find a way,” said Thor. “I always do.”

He stood up and looked out. He stared out at the vast expanse of desert that lay before them.

“I think we must find a way to civilisation first.” Loki joined Thor in standing. “Where are we?”

Thor shrugged, and looked up to the sky. “Heimdall!" 

There was no response.

"Heimdall! Let us back!” shouted Loki.

A voice came booming from the sky.

“No!”

Thor looked at Loki and shrugged. “It was worth a try.”

The two gods, though neither were really sure they were still gods, trudged through the sand and dust for hours, walking in a straight line, ever forward.

“Can you see anything?” asked Thor. 

“No.”

“Then we must locate Mjolnir first. We can find civilisation afterwards.”

Loki didn’t want to tell Thor that he wasn’t sure if Mjolnir even made it this far. It could be in a completely different realm from the one they were in. But he didn't want to hurt Thor's pride more than it already had been hurt. “Brother, perhaps it would be in our best interest to find civilisation. They will help us find Mjolnir.”

“Perhaps it would be in your best interest to shut up and follow me,” said Thor. “I am the eldest.”

Four hours later, they happened upon a road. Finally, something that wasn't desert.

“Here, brother, a road,” said Loki, pointing to the road so Thor got the idea. “We should follow it.”

“But Mjolnir,” Thor whined, having lost his brotherly command some two hours ago.

“We may find Mjolnir on this road somewhere,” Loki said, pointing in one direction. “Maybe we are being led to Mjolnir. We may find it if-” He gestured for Thor to finish the sentence.

“If we follow the road,” finished Thor slowly. “Brilliant idea. I’m very glad I came up with that.” Thor stepped onto the road and began to march toward the sun.

After another few hours, they reached some sort of car station. The metal beasts sat under the roof of a building. Resting, waiting. They could strike at any moment.

“Hooray. We’ve found something,” said Loki, who was quite tired of finding nothing by this stage.

“Be wary, Loki, this may be a trap.” Thor reached for Mjolnir but then remembered that he’d lost it. He wept briefly.

“We can deal with a trap. I don’t think anything could get worse than what it already is.” Loki walked forward to inspect the building. “There’s a door. We should enter.”

Thor folded his arms and muttered something about the trap, but followed Loki anyway.

Inside the building there were goods stacked upon shelves and hanging on poles to display the range of products. Loki looked at the packages. It was a human language. They must be in Midgard.

“Brother, I believe we are in Midgard.”

“Oh, I know.”

“How?” Loki knew that Thor was not smart enough to identify the human languages that quickly.

Thor pointed to a human.

Ah.

“Hi, welcome to StarMart,” said the human.

“Silence, mor-” Thor started, but Loki covered his mouth with a hand and walked towards the human.

“Could you perhaps, kind friend, tell us where the nearest city is?” Loki bowed.

“Well, that’d be Newport, about 200 miles away from here.”

“Is that in Midgard?” Thor whispered to Loki.

“Is that in Midgard?” Loki asked the kind human.

“What the heck is a Midgard?” asked the human. “Anyway, you look like you’re some very lost cosplayers, so I’d say you should get back on that bus. It’ll be around in half an hour.”

“A bus,” Loki said slowly. “Yes. I definitely know what that is. Thank you, kind human.”

He turned away.

“What’s a bus?” Thor whispered.

“I don’t know,” Loki whispered back.

Thor sat down at the Bus Stop. “Brother, why does everything hurt?”

“Well,” said Loki. “After losing something very important-”

“No,” said Thor. “I think I’m hungry.” He stood up. “I am going to go back to this ‘petrol’ station. Perhaps I will drink some of this famous ‘petrol’. The humans seem to drink it frequently.”

“You have no money.”

“Thor cares not for currency,” said Thor. “You capture this ‘bus’ so we may ride it. I will find some of this legendary ‘petrol’.”

Thor walked back to the station and walked to the counter. “Hello, mortal. I apologise for my previous rudeness. I would like to purchase some ‘petrol’.”

“Loki, these humans are liars. This legendary ‘petrol’ they talk so highly of tastes like it was made in Hel.”

Black oil ran down Thor’s face. He tried to spit out as much of it as he was able to, but the taste of the terrible drink was going to stay in his mind forever.

“Are you going to pay for that?”

“Tell me why I should pay for a drink so foul, mortal.” He beat his chest. “I am Thor, the God of Thunder, and I will use my hammer Mjolnir to- oh damn it.”

Loki ran up to Thor and grabbed his shoulder. “I apologise for my brother. He is...you know.”

“Gay?” asked the employee.

“Yes,” said Loki. “Wait. No. I don’t know. I mean, if he was there would be no issue but what I am trying to say is my brother is just different.”

“Loki!” hissed Thor.

“Yes, yes, he’s just the teensiest bit strange,” said Loki. “Now, allow me to pay for this wonderful drink you have served.”

“Why did he slap you so hard?” Thor asked while Loki rubbed his face.

“I haven’t a clue,” Loki said. “But you’re right, Brother, this ‘petrol’ stuff is bad.” He took another swig. “Now we wait for this legendary Bus to arrive.”

They sat and waited and listened for this beast they had to catch to return to civilisation.

Loki stood up cautiously. “I can hear its roar. Be ready, brother.”

Thor rose to his feet and watched and waited. A blue dot in the distance grew larger.

Loki readied his hand to fight.

The blue dot slowed down. It was a strange vehicle.

“Is this their Bus, brother?” Thor asked.

“I believe it is.”

The Bus slowed down.

“Hmm,” said Loki.

“Hmm,” said Thor.

The Bus stopped. A man walked out.

“Sorry, boys, I’ll just be a couple o’ minutes. Hop on in there.”

Thor looked at Loki and shrugged. He stepped into the mouth of the vehicular beast.

Loki looked to the screen fixed on the roof. It displayed information about the events of the day and the planned location of the Bus.

“It’s a Thursday. How ironic.”

“How so?”

“That’s the one they named after you, Brother. And that is the day you were banished,” said Loki with a smirk.

“And what about you? Where’s the day named after you?”

Loki’s smirk fell.

“That’s what I thought.” Thor folded his arms. “Is it safe to sit down in this beast? Would that not...anger it?”

“Others have done so.” Loki sat in a seat in front of an old man. “Let’s just do what they do.”

Thor sat next to Loki, squeezing his legs in the minimal leg room between his chair and the next.

“Hmm,” said Loki. “This Bus seems to enjoy drinking the petrol. The man is feeding it.”

Thor leant over to look out the window. “This beast can have however much Petrol it wants. I’m never drinking it again.”