So life has been pretty bad for me lately, both physically and mentally. I'm constantly gasping for air, never have any energy, and have barely managed to get any schoolwork done lately because I'm so exhausted and anxious all the time. For some reason the only things that I seem capable of doing are the things that aren't as important. But I'm trying my best! I'm on different medications for my ADHD/OCD/anxiety/depression and I'm seeing a therapist. I feel like I'm managing to pull through, even if just barely. But life isn't just black and white, you know? I often wish it was because then I could be sure that I have a toxic relationship with my parents and be able to cut them out of my life without a second thought. I wish I could know if my ex only talks to me because he feels bad about my family life or if he actually cares doesn't hate me. But everything's so blurry and messed up, and I can never tell if I should do something about relationships (whether family, friend, or other) that might be harmful because even if I did want to end our relationship, it's not that simple. My parents are still my parents, so I'm obviously going to see them sometimes and my ex and I are in the same friend group, so if I did end our friendship or whatever it is I'd still have to see him everyday. People always say that if you're not sure you're comfortable with someone that you should end your relationship because you should always feel comfortable in a good relationship. But it's not that easy because it might just make everything worse. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that life is complicated and I'm still trying to figure mine out. I should really sleep now since I feel super tired, so goodnight. More life updates in the future and hopefully a lighter episode soon.