You think with all the stuff Jade does, between acting, dancing, and singing, that she would be a very active person. Wrong, Jade is lazy. In all her free time, the little that she has, she just lays around and talks. Sometimes she takes me to do something with her, like movies, ice cream, or shopping. But mostly, we do nothing.

Correction, right now I am the one doing all the work and she is doing nothing. We are in day five of cleaning out the garage. Jade is sitting on the pool table we have never ever used, it was my dad’s. She is flipping through some old baby photos of me and Oli that she found. We have made a huge dent. The mountains are now manageable hills.

“Aw! You look so cute!” She cooed.

“Jade you aren’t helping,” I say for the 3rd time in a row.

Then I grab another bag full of baby clothes and toss it into the donation pile.

“Guess what.” She sets the photo album down.

“You are finally going to start helping?” I try.

“No, Archer and I kissed!” she squeals.

“What!?”

“I know! He totally kissed me today.” She sighs romantically.

“When, where? How?” I push.

“We were putting up the props for theater and were in the prop closet. One thing led to another and bam. We kissed! It was everything I always thought it would be.” She flutters her eyes.

The old picture frame I was holding in my hands snaps in half from how hard I was bending it.

Jade raises an eyebrow at me.

“Congrats!” I force a smile.

“Thank you! He is so perfect you know…” I block out the rest of her rant about how perfect Archer is.

Sometimes I wish I never fell in love with Jade.

After about another hour or so Jade drops off the donations and I close up the garage. We will probably be finished with it in a day or two. We really got a lot done over the weekend. Then I go inside to shower.

Often I have a debate with myself on which would be more painful. Continuing to be Jade’s friend forever and never tell her how I feel. Or tell her how I feel and not being friends at all. It’s a losing argument. It only gives me a headache and heartache to think about it.

After my shower, I lay on my bed with Cloud and the countess and call Darleen.

“Hey.” She answers.

“Hey.”

“So what are you doing?” she asks.

“Just laying down, you?”

“My mom is having a social gathering at our house; I am hiding in my room.” She snickers.

“Sounds interesting.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I am great,” I say sarcastically.

“Talk to me.”

“You won’t like what I have to say.”

“Say it anyway.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

I take a deep breath and tell her about Jade and Archer. How I am jealous and how bad it hurts no matter how hard I try to ignore it. She listens and even gives input. I feel bad for telling her all of this, she is my girlfriend after all and I just told her I still have feelings for another girl.

“I’m sorry,” I say when I am done.

“Don’t be. You got to talk to someone right? Besides I have known how you felt about Jade before we even got together. I know you aren’t just going to get over it just like that. Being a good friend means listening to your problems.”

I wish someone would tell that to Jade.

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“Of course. I just wish I could be there with you right now and cuddle with you.”

“Do it,” I say.

“Huh?”

“It’s easy to sneak in and out of my house. Jade and I do it all the time. Just hop the fence and come in through the doggy door. My mom goes to sleep in an hour.” I say.

“Really, you want me to come over?”

“Well, you said there would be cuddling involved. Plus I don’t feel like being alone right now.”

“Your mom won’t get mad?”

“Only if she finds out, but she won’t She never notices when I sneak out or Jade sneaks in. Just park down the street.”

“Okay, then I’ll be over in a few.”

“Can’t wait.” I smile.

“See you soon.” She hangs up.

Then I get up and clean up my room. Making everything perfect. I don’t want Darleen to think I am a slob especially after I saw her amazing room. Though I think she has maids who clean it for her.

I bend down and grab the cat toys Jade bought to put them up. When I stand back up Jade is behind me.

“Boo.” She scares me.

“Eep!” I drop the toys.

“Haha, got ya.” She laughs.

“Jade, what are you doing here? Aren’t you tired of me yet?” I frown at her, bending down to pick the toys up again.

“Why you tired of me?” she asks.

“Well no, but I uh sort of have plans tonight,” I mumble.

“Plans? But I thought we could talk some more. I still have so much to get off my chest.” She frowns.

“Well, I invited Darleen over. She’s going to sneak in.”

She frowns at me.

“Don’t look at me like that. I guess I just want to see her that’s all. Besides we’ve been with each other all day.”

“Well yeah but…” she trails off.

“Please, you can come over tomorrow.” I push her towards the door.

“But I want to talk today.” She pouts.

“Jade we talk all the time,” I complain.

Quite frankly I need a break from all her babbling about Archer. It’s going to make me snap.

“Are you two going to do it.” She makes a face.

“What! No.” my face goes red.

“Then why are you making a big deal out of it?” She crosses her arms.

“I’m not, can’t I just have a night with my girlfriend? Besides it’s a full house no way are we going to hook up with my mom right downstairs!” I hiss.

“Sure, sure.” She rolls her eyes.

“Why are you making a fuss? We just talked like an hour ago. What more can you possibly say about how awesome Archer is!?” I snapped at her.

I immediately regretted it. I can tell I hurt her feelings by the look on her face. I quickly took it down several notches.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.” I say.

“Just forget it!” she says with tears in her eyes before storming out of my room.

“Jade wait! I’m sorry!” I chase after her.

She ignores me and storms out the front door.

“Jade!” I chase after her.

I catch her at the end of my driveway. My hand on her shoulder holds her in place.

“I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I didn’t mean it like that.” I say.

She hugs herself.

“I just wanted to talk about something important, but forget it. Why don’t you just make out with your stupid girlfriend.” She pulls free and jogs across the street to her house.

“Jade!” I call after her.

She runs into her house and slams the door.

Why am I always the bad guy? Why am I always the one who has to fix it? If it was important she should have just said so. Urgh!

I turn around and stomp back into my house. Stupid Jade. Sometimes she really makes me so mad. For a girl who talks a lot, she hardly ever says anything worth listening too. Yet here I am, listening anyways. Torturing myself and breaking my heart. Whatever. Let her be mad. I don’t care.

So she can blow me off for Archer. She can talk about Archer all she wants but the instant I bring up Darleen she gets all, urgh! Best friends tell each other everything she says, yet why is she the one who does all the talking! Maybe I have something to say for once.

I look out my window and see that Jade is looking out her window at me. She is crying. It breaks my heart, instantly all my resolve crumbles. I hate it when Jade cries. It is the saddest thing on the whole planet to watch a beautiful amazing girl like her cry.

I grab my phone and text Darleen.

‘Need to cancel, mom is on to me. Maybe another day.’

She sends back a frowning face.

Then I take a deep breath and sneak over to Jade’s house. Whatever she wants to talk about must be important or she wouldn’t be making a big fuss out of it.

I test the back door and it’s unlocked. So I open it and sneak inside. Her mom is a super heavy sleeper and is passed out on the couch. I tiptoe upstairs to Jade’s room. I knock lightly before opening the door.

She is sniffling on her bed.

I walk in and close the door behind me.

“I’m sorry.” I sit next to her and rub her shoulder.

She looks away from me.

“Jade come on, talk to me. I canceled with Darleen.” I say.

“You did?” she looks at me.

“Of course. You are more important than a cuddle session with my girlfriend. Whatever you need to talk about I’m here. Always.” I assure her.

She throws herself into my arms and sniffles into my chest. I wrap my arms around her and hold her.

“Shh, I got you. I’m here.” I assure her.

“It’s my dad.” She says.

“What happened?”

“He was supposed to come and visit but they sent him out again. He doesn’t know when he’ll be back. I got a letter. I miss him. I never get to see him. What if he dies out there and I never see him again?” She cries into me.

“Don’t say that.” Her sobs bring tears to my eyes.

I really hate when Jade cries. It breaks my heart every time.

“I just want to see him again. He calls but it’s not the same. When he called me he sounded like he was crying.”

I hold her tighter.

“I told my mom and she didn’t even care. She doesn’t even love him anymore. She just shrugged it off like it was nothing.” She sobs into me.

“Shh, I’m sure she cares. Maybe she just didn’t want to break down in front of you, or maybe she has just grown used to not seeing him all the time.”

“No. she doesn’t care. Just like she doesn’t care about me.”

“Don’t say these awful things. Of course, she cares.”

“No one cares about me. I am just the kid no one wanted.” She sobs.

“Don’t you ever say that. I care about you. I want you in my life.” I pull back and make her meet my eyes.

“You are the only one who truly gets me.” she sniffles.

I wipe her tears and lay down in the bed, pulling her into my arms.

“You are just working yourself up. Take a breath. Your aunt and uncle love you. So does your cousin and me and my family. Not to mention all your friends and Archer. We all care about you, Jade.”

“Thank you. You always know what to say.” she quiets her sobs.

“That’s what I’m here for.” I smile and brush her hair out of her face.

“I’m sorry I made you cancel with Darleen.” She takes a shaky breath.

“It’s okay. You are more important to me. You needed me so here I am.”

She is quiet. I resign myself to laying here until she falls asleep before sneaking back to my own house. She curls up into me and rests her head on my chest.

“Don’t leave me tonight.” She says.

“Okay,” I say.

I close my eyes and get ready to fall asleep when,

“Skylar?”

“Hmm?”

She is quiet so I open my eyes and turn my head to look at her. She is staring up at me with those breath-taking green eyes. I smile at her. She smiles at me.

“Promise we’ll always be friends?” She whispers.

“Promise.” I wrap my arm around her and hold her tightly.

Although the word gives me heartache. Being her friend is great and all, but I want more… I just wish she could see me as something more. See all that I do just to make her happy. See how many hoops I am willing to jump through just to get her attention.

Will she ever like me the way I like her?

Maybe I really should just give up this hopeless crusade. She’ll never like me like that. She’ll always just only see me as a friend. It’s just so hard, how can I move on when I know I might never love or feel the same way about anyone the way I feel about her?

What’s worse? Never moving on or moving on when there might have been a chance?

I don’t know what to do.

So I’ll probably do nothing, as usual.

Maybe I should just shove these feelings deep, deep, deep, down again. Forget about them as best as I can. Pretend they don’t exist just like I did before. That seemed to work last time. I don’t even know if I can go back, but it doesn’t hurt to try I guess.

Jade snuggles closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder. I can feel her breathing on my neck. I have to shut my eyes tight and clench my jaw just to get my breathing and heart rate under control. I can feel my eyes water. This really isn’t fair.

Sometimes it sucks to be me.

The next day I don’t really feel like talking, because I don’t really have anything to say. So I don’t. Jade drives us to school as usual, and for once, we just sit in comfortable silence. At school, Darleen gives me a morning kiss per usual and I sit next to her and rest my head on her shoulder.

“You guys coming to the lock-in after school tomorrow?” Wini asks.

“Duh, it’s tradition.” Jade says.

“I already have my sleeping bag ready,” Demarcus says.

“Maybe we’ll be put in the same group this year,” Archer says hopefully.

“Doubt it, I heard they purposely separate groups of friends, that way we are forced to socialize outside our normal circles,” Darleen says.

“They can separate us, but they can’t stop us from hanging out in free time or eating together.” Jade playfully nudges Archer on the shoulder.

“This year’s theme is strength in numbers, don’t be a bystander.” Demarcus says.

“What was last years again?” Archer asks.

“Speak out and Stand up.” Wini supplies.

“Oh yeah, we had to come up with a chant.”

“You okay?” Darleen asks me, ignoring the ongoing conversation.

“Emm hmm.” I nod.

“You sure?”

“I am,” I say.

“Okay, just checking.” She kisses my forehead.

I smile at her and kiss her cheek before resting my head on her shoulder again.

Darleen really is a great girlfriend. I think it’s time I stop committing halfway and give her my full undivided attention. She’s really earned it; she did save my life after all. Besides, it’s clear to me that Jade has no intentions of paying me some attention any time soon. So, maybe it’s time to move on.

No matter how painful it might be.

There are other, more responsive fish in the sea. One is even right here, right in front of me.

I grab Darleen’s hand and interlock our fingers. She smiles at me and squeezes my hand reassuringly.

No more beating myself up over Jade Tate. From now on I am all about Darleen Grayson.

She is my girlfriend after all.