|Journey|

How do you measure loss? In the pain, you feel? In the emptiness left behind? In how challenging and pointless life becomes? Or...perhaps, in how long it takes before you hope once more? There is always that person who makes you feel better about yourself.

But I lost that person a while ago though. Now a part of me is empty, they say you'll eventually move on. I say "Yeah, when the world goes through Ragnarok and I get to wield a shiny hammer." My friends have distanced themselves, their socialite parents probably told them to "give me time". I'm "dealing with a loss and recovering." As if a broken heart can be fixed with stitches and bandages. As if...As if...it stops hurting after a while, they think that the pain goes away. But it doesn't it stays with you. It keeps you up at night with tears and pangs.

It doesn't really matter I know. I should actually be concerned about where I am. I remember having a panic attack and blacking out after I was pulled back into my room. Where am I now? What did my parents do? Am I in trouble....actually I don't care about that one.

Day after day I-

An image ripples before me. It is 5-year-old Astre and I. We are swinging on the swing in the playground. Alone. Holding each other's hand. It reminds me we have always been alone, I have always been alone. I'm used to this I can make it through. I've known for a while now how terrible my parents truly are.

It doesn't mean that I should stand for it. It means I should silently fight back in my own way. So I'll act the perfect child in front of people and hide my emotions. I will make "friends" with their business partners' kids. I will also gather evidence of their true nature. I can start when I go to school. Depending on if time has passed it should still be Saturday.

I'm ready now. This has given me some time to think without being watched. I want to wake up. I start imagining waking up straining against my comatose state. My eyes slowly start blinking awake a blinding light before me.

I'm in my bedroom but an IV is hooked up to me. I look to my left and see the window but there is a lock on it. I hear the door open and quickly close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I assume it must be a nurse coming to check on me as I hear the clicking of heels. My IV is adjusted a little bit and I hear some scribbling on a clipboard. After a while, I hear the heels start clicking away. I decided to open my eyes and call out to the nurse only to see a man wearing a white skirt with a red outline and a white shirt with a plus on it. He is also wearing a dainty nurse hat.

What really gets my attention is his amazing makeup. I have never been a fan of makeup but this man has managed to make me appreciate it. His red lipstick matches the nurse outfit. He is wearing light blush and some simple eyeliner and mascara. His hair is brown and unruly.

He stares at me for awhile eyes blinking then begins walking away. I blurt out "How do you do your makeup so well?" My face cringes at the realization of how stupid that question was.

The man turns around slowly and a smile breaks out. "Um...I see you're awake. That is a bit of a weird question to ask right now. You are kinda laying in bed with an IV hooked up to you."

"It looks really well done. You must have a knack for makeup. You should become a makeup artist." I applaud myself in my head. I am making friends already a great accomplishment!

He sighs and sits down on my bed at my side. "I wish I could but my father doesn't approve of me. He thinks I should be more manly and get another job. Sometimes I wish he would just accept that I like to explore with gender."

I can tell he does. He looks as if he is glowing when he is dressed this way. I can't help but smile whoever is with this guy must be really lucky.

"Anyways. I should go get the hot doctor. She said to notify her if you wake up anytime soon."

I nod my head as he exits the room. After the doctor comes I might take a walk outside looks nice. That's if I am allowed to at all but I make a good point if I want.

Moments later a busty doctor comes in, her clothes are professional yet slutty. I know why because my father is good-looking and rich women and man try to go after him.

"Miss Journey right? Your father Mr. Foncel says if you feel alright that you should go somewhere for the next two hours. He is having an important event in your house and he doesn't want you to embarrass him."

"Is it him who said that last part or you?" I say raising my eyebrows and getting off the bed. Goosebumps are running up my legs due to the cold. I pull out my IV and stare her in the eye.

"Humph. Does it really matter? He wants you gone."

"And he doesn't want a needy doctor sticking her tits out for attention." I snap back pushing the IV out the way and heading towards my closet. I was thinking of going to the gym and asking my trainer if I could continue practicing self-defense. Ever since my sister died I have been learning different techniques such as Kickboxing, Karate, and Kenpo to be sure I could protect myself.

The doctor stormed out without replying and almost immediately the male nurse (I gotta stop calling him that) comes in.

"What was that? I have never seen her so pissed." He stands behind me as I take out a simple tracksuit and black sneakers. I put my dirty brown hair in a ponytail and take a look in the mirror. I have long curly hair, brown eyes with golden highlights, light brown skin, and small pink lips. Taking a second look at my hair I brush it out first and put in some conditioner.

I give him the details on what happened as he breaks out in a chuckle after I tell him. "By the way what's your name?" I motion for him to turn around.

After quickly putting on the tracksuit and sneakers I head towards my dresser where my still packed bag is thankful.

"Oh, its Calidus but I go by Cal or Calid."

"Cool. Give me your number" I throw him my phone and throw my keys and gym membership card in my pockets.

"I gotta leave Cal but I'll talk to you soon." I grab my phone, give him a hug, and jump out the window leaving a waving Cal.