I spent most of the following week in a sort of daze. Half of my skin and bones were grieving for this unrequited love, the other half were empty and devoid of life. It took all I had just for me to go to work and attend my classes every day.

Cath was being a huge help. She didn’t put any pressure on me to talk about that night, but made clear that she’d be there for me if I ever needed her to listen. And at some point I would have to tell her. She was my best friend, after all. I wanted her to know.

It was Thursday evening, the 12th, and we were inside her room when I finally managed to muster up the courage to tell her how I felt.

“Cath, can we talk?”

She looked at me surprised and closed the book she was reading.

“Of course. What is it?”

I began to tell her what had happened that night.

“When… Ceres took me dancing, remember? I was really happy. And the songs were so good and fun to dance to. Do you remember that last song we danced?” Catherine nodded. Of course she did. “Well… There was this nice atmosphere between the two of us, me and Ceres, that is. I almost got to tell her how I feel.”

Catherine came closer to me, listen attentively.

“But…?”

“But… before I could say anything, she did.”

“She confessed to you?” Catherine raised her eyebrows.

“She told me her friend liked me.”

Had I told Catherine this on the day it happened, it would definitely have made me cry. But after spending several days mulling over it, grieving for it, now it only made me feel empty. As if I was missing a piece. An incomplete puzzle. A faulty machine.

“Her friend?” Cath asked, confused.

“The one who sat next to you, that night. She said the only reason she’d taken me to the dancefloor was to tell me this.”

Thinking about it now, that was probably the only reason she invited me to the party as well. To Ceres, I was just an acquaintance. She had only asked me out to help her friend, who’d taken a fancy on me. She had no idea how I felt about her and she did not have any feelings for me, either.

“Ouch…” said Catherine, taking it in. I could see tears beginning to well up in her eyes. In contrast to me, who never cried out of resolve, Cath was an outright crybaby. She cried in movies when a dog died, or when she flunked an exam. She even cried when she messed up some recipe in the kitchen.

Cath hugged me tight. That surprised me a little. She was always the most touchy-feely of us two. Her embrace felt warm and comforting. I instantly relaxed. My negative thoughts vanished. I hadn’t realized I’d needed a hug so much.

“She doesn’t deserve you,” Catherine told me.

“Thanks, Cath.”

We stayed like that for a little longer. When we finally let go, I felt as if I had gotten just a little bit closer to my best friend.

I have to say, getting that night off my chest was a huge relief. It allowed me to stop thinking about Ceres all the time and actually begin to focus on other things, for a change. Getting rejected wasn’t the end, after all. I felt that I would soon be able to bring this whole episode to some sort of closure, then maybe, just maybe, meet new people and fall in love again.

And then, there was this other part of me that doubted I could ever get over Ceres.

---

I hated seeing Janis like that. I knew her. She was cheerful and witty. How could another woman affect her so much that she’d spend her days all depressed and aloof? It made me angry at this Ceris girl. Ceres? Whatever. I hated her. She’d rejected the most wonderful girl that has ever lived. Worse still, she had SEDUCED Janis. She played with MY Janis’ feelings, to amuse herself or something like that. And I would hate her for all eternity for what she’d done.

Would this have played out differently if I had not encouraged their love? I was happy that Janis was finally falling in love with someone. And even through all that crap with her family, it was making her happy to have feelings for someone else. I wanted her to remain happy. Maybe I got ahead of myself. Maybe I should have taken some time to actually confirm if this other girl had feelings for her, before forcing Jay to come to a party and pushing her to confess her feelings. I was a fool for what I did. All I could do now was remain by Jay’s side and support her as well as I could.

She still hadn’t told me anything about that night. But that was okay. I was there for Jay, her telling me or not. And I mean, I too had had heartbreaks in the past, they heal, given time and distance. But for that, I would have to make sure that girl never got close to my Jay again.

And that’s why I decided to interfere.

It was Tuesday evening, the 10th, three days after the party. Janis was in the shower. I lay on my bed playing games on my phone, when I heard Jay’s cellphone ring.

I took it out of her purse. Unknown number.

Had it been my phone, I wouldn’t have answered, obviously. Anyone who wanted to talk to me could reach me via social networks and I didn’t feel like talking to a salesperson. Probably the most reasonable decision would be to not answer anyway, Jay could call back later if it was something important. Still, I was curious, so I kinda answered her phone by impulse.

“Hello”, a woman said on the other side. I didn’t recognize it as anyone I knew.

“Good evening,” I replied.

“I’d like to talk to Janis.”

Janis, not Jenna, that’s good. Probably not a salesperson.

“Who’s speaking?”

“It’s Ceres. I’m, err… I’m a friend of hers. Is this her phone? Can I talk to her?”

Shit!

I closed my eyes. What should I do? Should I tell her to wait? To call again later? Should I tell her to not call ever again?

I heard Jay turning off the shower. Images of that night at the bar flashed in my mind: from Janis running from the dancefloor to her standing under the rain crying her eyes out, saying she would not cry. That woman on the phone had made her miserable. I didn’t want her to talk to Janis. At all.

“Sorry, wrong number,” I said.

I ended the call and freaked out. I had to act fast. Janis could never know I was doing this. I quickly unlocked her phone (thank god she never remembered to change her password), blocked Ceres’ number so she wouldn’t be able to call Janis again, then erased that call from the call history. I had just replaced the phone in her purse and climbed back to my bed when Janis opened the door to the bedroom, wet and wrapped in a towel.

“Had a nice bath?” I asked, trying to sound inconspicuous.

“I… yes, I think so.”

She looked at me, confused. Did she notice anything?

“Aw, I lost again!” I said, looking at the cellphone screen in my hands. There was nothing actually on the screen, the phone wasn’t even unlocked yet, but Janis couldn’t see that from where she stood. Janis shrugged and walked into the closet to change, I couldn’t help but let out a suffocated sigh of relief.

---

By Monday 16th, nine days after my disaster at the dancefloor, things were starting to look better. I had a clearer mind ever since I told Catherine about that night. I called my aunt’s place to plan out what my mother and I would do from now on. I had a long talk with my mom over the phone. To my surprise, she and my aunt had been talking about it and it seems mom would be staying there longer, at least until I finished high school and could move to a more distant town. This was a relief: it meant mom would remain out of That Man’s reach and I didn’t have to drop out of school. I still had to find myself another place to live, though. I couldn’t sleep forever on Catherine’s spare mattress in her room. But knowing that mom was safe gave me the chance to study. I was really grateful for that.

I was actually starting to return to my normal self, at least in terms of school. I could now pay attention to Math class without being interrupted by thoughts of unrequited love. Ceres had also not tried to contact me even once since that night. Figures she wouldn’t, since the only reason she invited me out that night was to tell me her friend liked me. I'd made it plain obvious that I was not interested in him.

There were my friends too, Catherine included, and I was really glad that I wouldn’t have to say goodbye to them, not until the end of my senior year, at least.

And of course, there were exams. It was exam season before I knew it. Catherine passed them all with flying colors, while I just barely managed to scrap by in chemistry and history. I really needed to study harder, it wouldn’t do to get held back one year. But that too was another sign that things were getting back to normal. With the sole exception that I now knew I was gay, which was one heck of a discovery. I tried checking out the other girls at my school… and before you say anything, yes, I know that’s the kind of gross sexist thing a lot of men did, but trust me, it wasn’t like that. Think of it more like an experiment: I wanted to know if other girls could turn me on, or if it was just something I had for Ceres alone. To my amusement, I found out they could.

And though I still caught myself thinking of Ceres every now and again, I found out that several weeks after the fact it no longer hurt me like it once did. At nights, if I laid down in bed and began thinking about her, it still stung. But now I saw things a bit differently too. Back then, I think I had been too naïve, too entranced by my first love, so I couldn’t really see things for what they were. That was changing. I was healing from my heartbreak. Soon enough I’d be able to move on and fall in love again, for someone that would love me back, this time. I was over Ceres.

Then the day after school exams came and I found out what a load of bullshit I had been telling myself up to then. §