Another pile of dirty clothes was tossed onto the floor as I picked up my duvet and changed the sheets on my bed.
Due to working so much recently, housekeeping had slipped away from me and now I was paying for it under a layer of dirty laundry and dust.
Having woken up early this morning with nothing to do, I decided to get it over and done with. The problem was, I didn't take into account just how long it had been since I cleaned my room.
I sneezed as another layer of dust blew into my face as I picked up a book. Tossing it to the side, I groaned internally.
Not that I would ever tell him, but right at that moment I envied Jack. He always kept his room neat and clean and would laugh and mock me whenever he found me in this situation; stuck in a mess.
However, living with Jack's clean antics could be like living with my mother at times. He always pressured me to do the same and would laugh when I wouldn't listen and ended up in a mess later. It was days like this that I hated having a smarter, wiser best friend.
"Troye, I'm going to get groceries now. Do you need anything?"
I stick my head up out of my hamper to answer Jack, cringing at the smell. There was definitely something dead in there. "No, I'm good."
"Okay. I'll be back before-what are you doing?"
I look up to find none other than my smug best friend in the doorway, watching me with amused eyes.
I point a finger at him. "Do not say a word."
He holds his hands up in defence. "Alright, I won't."
"Good." I shove another sock in the already-full hamper. "Just go buy groceries and forget what you saw."
"Okay, I will." Jack walks away before looking back over his shoulder with a smirk, calling out "But expect a call from NASA about discovering a new unidentified species in your hamper!"
"You jerk!" I laugh, throwing the book after him but instead it hits the shelf in my wardrobe and knocks a box down.
I stop laughing and stare at the box. Getting up slowly, I wait for the front door to close before going over and carefully picking up the fallen object.
Turning it over in my hands, my breath catches in my throat. The last time I'd seen this had been two years ago when I put it up there and out of sight.
It was covered in a layer of dust but I would recognise the faded gold box anywhere. It was a memento, one that hadn't been touched in years.
Carefully, as if to not break it, I lift the lid and for the first time in nearly three years, peer inside the small box.
Filled halfway to the top, a stack of papers, notes, photos and other assortments sat inside. Each one from Cameron.
I gently unpack the box, my mind in a nauseas fog. Lifting each item out, I stare at them in turn as flashbacks begin to play for each one.
Cam was a hopeless romantic and being somewhat of a sap, he knew how much I loved receiving his little love letters or things he would lying around to brighten up my day.
I unfold a piece of paper, my eyes skimming the words as I delicately brush the edges. You look beautiful today.
There were plenty of them. Cam often left the notes in the pockets of my clothes so I would find them when I wore them.
There was anniversary, Valentine's Day and birthday cards. There was a good luck note he had written me on my first day at the company. There was a strip of pictures we'd taken in a photo booth on our first date. There was a movie ticket from the day we officially became a couple.
Then there was a photo of us at Christmas, only four months before he died. It was our first Christmas together and like the cute boyfriend's we were, we'd gotten matching Christmas pyjamas and taken cheesy holiday photos in front of the tree.
My eyes closed as the memories came flooding back.
Answering the door to find Cam holding a stack of presents so big he couldn't get through the door. The smell of a Christmas feast wafting through the house as we unwrapped each other's gifts. Cuddling on the couch as we watched Christmas movies with hot chocolate.
Digging further in the box, I smile when I find the thing I'm looking for.
A small silver locket looped on a chain. Inside was a photo of Cam and beside it a small handwritten note that he'd given me before my first ever show.
He has given me the locket to wear under my clothes as a good luck charm the night before I travelled to Chicago for the show.
I had worn it every day until he died. Now, it sat in a box, unforgotten but no longer worn.
Looking back, everything was so easy then. Being in love was easy. Now I didn't even remember that person in the photo; I had changed too much.
A shiver ran involuntarily down my spine as it all came flooding back for the briefest moment. Dropping the locket, I took deep breaths as my head filled with raw and painful emotion.
Pushing everything to the side, there was one item left in the box. I pick it up and can't help but smile.
It was a photo I had taken of Cam one day when he wasn't looking. We were at the beach and the setting sun created the perfect glow that crowned him in gold. A dark figure against a burning sun. Unable to help myself, I had snapped a picture and pocketed it away with a smile.
The photo was small and old but the colour held true. I gazed at the photo, his smile, unable to believe I had once held something so beautiful and called it mine.
With an ache in my chest, I stood up and walked over to my desk. A mirror hung on the wall above it and almost instinctively, I tucked the photo into the corner of the frame and hung the locket next to it before stepping back and smiling.
It had been years since I'd last had any remnants of our time together out in the open. When Cam had died, I'd taken down everything that reminded me of him and put it away. Not to dishonour his memory, but because it hurt worse every time I saw them.
Over time that feeling had turned into a dull ache. Though I was no longer grieving, I knew the pain of losing a best friend and a loved one would be something I'd never get over. It was something I never wanted to experience again and prayed I never have to.
But now, for the first time in three years, I put up that photo. It wasn't much but it was enough to keep his spirit alive. Cam didn't deserve to be forgotten, I didn't want him to be.
I finished cleaning my room, saving the box for last. Packing everything back inside carefully, I tucked the box under my bed, unsure of what I wanted to do with it yet, though I knew I didn't want it fading away in the top of my wardrobe.
Jack arrived home a few hours later and I helped him unpack the groceries before we settled in on the couch with a bowl of noodles each for lunch.
We watched TV for a few minutes before Jack asked, "So how did the clean up go?"
I pause, my fork halfway to my mouth. "It was fine."
"Didn't discover a new species in there?" Jack teases and I slowly put my bowl down.
"No, but I did find something else."
"Like what?"
"Mementos. From Cam."
Jack stops eating, turning to face me directly. "I didn't know you had any."
"I put them away all those years ago." I shake my head. "I completely forgot I had them until today."
"Oh, well uh, are you okay?"
I shrug. "I guess. It just brought back a lot of memories. I never realised how easy Cam made everything."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, for starters, I always knew how Cam felt about me because he showed me in a number of ways."
Jack raises an eyebrow. "Such as?"
I lean back on the couch, pulling my knees to my chest. "He would leave notes, send me flowers, take me on dates. Don't get me wrong, it's never been about materialism for me but I loved the way he could just tell me how he felt. He was never scared to admit his own feelings."
"Huh."
My eyes dart over to Jack. "You okay?"
"Yeah." he says. "I guess sometimes we take for granted how hard those things can be for some people."
I frown. "It shouldn't be. If you like someone, you should just say it. You never know, they could feel the same way."
"If only that were possible." Jack mutters.
"It's not so much that anyway." I sit up, crossing my legs and laughing sheepishly. "It took me forever to figure out that Cam was flirting with me. I think the notes were his little push."
"Hm."
"How do you know?"
"Know what?"
"When someone likes you?"
Jack looks at me. "Troye, surely you can tell when someone likes you."
"I mean," I frown at the floor. "Cam always used to tell me that I was quite oblivious when it came to that sort of thing. Even when we were out, guys would hit on me and I wouldn't notice until Cam told them to back off."
"It's mostly in the body language." Jack replies, half distracted by the TV. "You just know."
Picking up the remote, I switch the TV off. "How?"
Jack turns to me with an unreadable expression. "Wow, you're really caught up on this."
"Consider it Lesson Three."
"Oh, are you the teacher now?"
"Think of it as a student eager to learn."
Jack lets out a chuckle and shifts his full attention to me. The smile drops off his face as he regards his thoughts. "I don't know, it's mainly instinctive."
"That's no help." I whine.
"The way they look at you." Jack murmurs. "It's in the way they look at you."
"And what would that be? All those guys in the club just looked at me like I'm piece of meat."
Jack shakes his head. "The right guy will look further than what's in front of him. He'll see what's in your heart, the beauty in your soul. He'll make you feel like you're the only thing that ever matters to him."
"I don't remember feeling that." I whisper somewhat hopelessly.
Jack sighs. "You were seventeen when you dated Cam, Troye. Seventeen when you fell in love for the first time. It's beautiful, but it usually doesn't last. You've never experienced the real version."
"Well, I wouldn't know if if I saw it then."
"You just know," Jack says, exhaling. "You just know because you'll feel it."
"Feel what?"
"Love, loss, passion, pain, anger, unity. All the things you're supposed to feel in a relationship. They'll be intensified when you find the right one, and then you'll never want to let it go."
"How do you know all this?" I ask suddenly with realisation. "You're not that much older than me."
Jack looks away. "Because I've felt it."
My mouth falls open. "You've been in love? Was it with Mike?" I ask, referring to Jack's asshole of an ex-boyfriend. Man, I hated that guy.
Jack shakes his head. "No."
"Then who? You can tell me."
"Please don't push it, Troye."
Crossing my arms, I sit back on the couch with a humph. I was dying to know but at the same time, I didn't want to push Jack's boundaries.
"The way they look at you," Jack says softly. "It's as if they don't see anything else. It's only you. You become the thing that matters most and the rest of the world just slips away."
"I feel like m-maybe I've felt that before actually."
Jack looks at me in surprise. "Really?"
I blush. "I don't know? Just the way you're describing it m-makes it feel familiar, if that makes sense?"
Jack shakes his head, grinning. "It makes no sense, but I get what you mean."
"Oh." I laugh.
"So who was it?"
"Huh?"
"The guy." Jack says before becoming quieter. "Is it Gabriel?"
I shake my head. "I really like Gabriel but I haven't met him yet so I'm not sure. It was really me just thinking out loud."
"Oh." Jack smacks his lips. "Right. Gotcha."
We sit in silence for a moment before I place my bowl on the coffee table and look to Jack. "You would tell me if you liked someone, right?"
Noodles are hanging out my best friend's mouth as he momentarily stops chewing, eyes darting towards me. He quickly swallows and shrugs. "I guess."
"You guess? C'mon man, I'm your best friend. I'm not going to judge you."
Jack's eyes drop to his lap. "Well, um. I guess there's one person I like but they're way out of my league."
"Oh?" I gasp in excitement. "Do I know them?"
Jack's eyes never meet mine. "Yeah, I think you do."
"Why are they out of your league?"
Jack shrugs. "This person is amazing Troye. They deserve so much better than I can give them."
"Jack," I gape. "Surely you don't believe that?"
He shrugs and I shake my head. "No, that's not true. Your self-worth isn't defined by what you believe someone else deserves."
I continue before he has a chance to respond. "Jack, you're amazing. Any guy would be lucky to have you because you're kind and caring and sweet, you have a killer job and you're the most honourable guy I know. So if they can't see that, then they're not worthy of you. Not the other way around."
My small monologue had rendered Jack speechless. He stares at the wall, seemingly contemplating my words before he turns to me. "Thanks Troye, but I don't think this person will ever see me that way."
"You'll never know unless you try, right?"
"Maybe, maybe not."
"Jack," I place a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Someone once taught me that to get anywhere in life, you need to take risks. That is the same person that is sitting in front of me now."
"And if they don't feel the same way?"
"What have you got to lose?"
"Oh Troye," Jack sighs sadly. "You have no idea how much I would've lost."
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