I can’t shake him from my head, Why was he in my dreams? I began to think. Have I met him before? I tried recalling all the memories I’ve had, but I can’t seem to remember him anywhere except for my dream and from 15 minutes ago.

I’m so deep in my head, I didn’t realize my English teacher Mr. Jonah, was calling my name, embarrassingly repetitive. “ Jean, Jean, Jean!” I snap out of it, “ Can you tell me what I was just talking about?”

I stare at him blankly. “ Uh” I try to see the board, but Mr. Jonah blocks my view. “ I’m sorry, sir, I wasn’t paying attention. “

“ Mm Hm, that’s what I assumed, the next time you black out there will be consequences, young lady. “ he stared at me sternly. I gazed down at my desk as if I was ashamed when really I wasn’t. Mr. Jonah walks away, and people around start to giggle and stare. I hate people sometimes, I understand it’s an awful thing to say but they can be such freaking assholes! Time passes in English class and it’s time for Science class.

I find a seat in the back, so no one can see me. It’s good to stay in the shadows. I tried to make friends, honestly, I did, but I either ended up being pitied, lied to, used, and I after a while I said, fuck it. I’m done. The only downside of staying in the back is that I can’t see the notes were supposed to write down. So for a while, I’m just stuck with I blank sheet of paper. Hopefully, I could find a practice book that can help me pass the test.

Next period is break time, Amy finds me outside underneath a tree reading, Dear Evan Hansen. “ Dear, Evan Hansen, you know that’s an astounding book. I was crying on page…” Amy began, I immediately started to ignore her, mainly cause I didn’t want her to spoil the book and that fact she was plain annoying. I continued reading, “ Dear Evan Hansen, Today is going to be an amazing day and here’s why: Because today, all you have to do is be yourself. But also confident…” I took a moment to reflect on it.

“Be confident”, I pondered how’s Evan going to do that? And writing these letters to himself, honestly, it’s kind of depressing but inspiring. Just how he keeps telling himself everything’s going to be okay, even though he understands most of the time it isn’t. That’s...brave. The bell rings and Amy finally backs off talking to me about the book.

I walk back inside the school, and I see the popular girls glaring at a girl in front of me. One of them whispers into her friend's ear. Who then whispers to the other and they giggle. Amy sneaks up behind me, nearly scaring the shit out of me. “ Hey, did you hear about Amelia?”, she points to the girl the girls were just laughing at. “ No, “ I remarked. “ How do you not know! “ She exclaimed. “ The whole school knows! Apparently, a party happened this weekend and Amelia was there. This guy named Chris shows up and starts hitting on her and she’s into it. So after a brief bit of chatting they get down…”

I raise an eyebrow, “ Down, down? “

“ Down..” Amy replies. “ After the got, down Chris starts telling people how he got some and now people are calling Amelia a slut behind her back, although it’s not really behind her back since some people are actually saying it to her face. “ I’m shocked, how could people be so cruel to one another, I guess that’s just reality. This situation also supports my number one rule, never socialize. It only brings drama.