Suddenly I felt a hand wipe a tear from my cheek. I grabbed it out of instinct.
“Ouch, you’re hurting me.”
That voice… Could it be? I looked up and saw the tundras I called home.
“Alaska?”
“Who else? We came here alone remember?”
“Oh ya you’re right.”
“Who died? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?” she said puzzlingly.
“What? No! I’m fine.” I splurged.
“Yeesh. Why’re you so aggressive about it? I’m sorry that I care about you and want to know if you’re okay.” she spun around to pretend to mope to gain my attention. (It was her sort of selfish way to cheer me up by making me forget my own worries and focus on her.)
“No Alas. It's nothing like that. I was just… I just slipped through the pages again. I was trapped for a couple hours alone. I tried to travel back but I couldn’t do it. Maybe I was just paralyzed with fear or something.”
She quickly turned around and leaped into my arms sending me tumbling backwards.
“Im sorry Oliver. Are you alright? I know how stressful that can be for you and here I was teasing you about being selfish. Where you were struggling and I was just too dense to realise it.”
I looked up at her and smiled, “It’s fine. I’m here now and how could you have known.”
She got off of me and wiped a few stray tears of guilt. “You know we both got so emotional just now let’s try and forget it with a relaxing swim. We can float in the waves together and forget we exist in a horrible universe that loves to hurt us.”
“Sure thing. One second though.”
“Sure.”
I got up. leaned down and picked her.
“What? Put me down!”
“No can do my lady. A princess shouldn’t walk anywhere.”
I proceeded to carry her into the waves when suddenly I felt a sharp sting in my foot.
“Fuck!”
“What? Are you saying I’m heavy.”
“No of course not . I stepped on something. Maybe a shell?” I looked down and under my foot there it was. The blue bottle…
No. Impossible. If this is still here that means we’re on the same timeline. This is more or less the same spot as last time. Wait…
“Alaska. Are you wearing your watch?”
“Yah i never take it off. My mom gave it to me.”
“What’s the time?”
“17:20 PM”
Holy shit. We’re on the same time-line. That’s not possible. She died at 5ish and was definitely dead by now lallme… What could al this mean?
“Uhm Oliver?”
“Yah?”
“You’re kind of standing with me in your arms. While its cute and I feel safe. I’m starting to feel like some kind of beached mermaid…”
“Oh sorry.” I proceeded to walk over to the ocean pondering about it throughout the afternoon. I eventually decided to get out but for whatever reason Alaska decided to stay in for a little bit. I went to go sit by our stuff. Maybe this was a different timeline. I checked on my phone it was 6:00 PM. I looked out to check on her and smile at her being adorable in the water while I tried to forget this weird anomaly.
Wait, why’s she floating face down? I quickly bolted for the water thinking “Not again. I can’t let her die. I won’t let her die. I will fight the essence of time at the cost of the universe if it meant we could be together for even a second longer.” I dove into the freezing Atlantic fighting wave after wave to get to her. I grabbed onto her and held her face up and struggled while every fibre in my body screamed in pain.
I got her to the shore and started doing chest compressions and I got a bit of a cough . I leaned down to check for her heartbeat.
A weak raspy voice whispered, “Why is your face in my boobs?”
“Sorry.” I quickly jumped to my feet.
“I didn’t say stop…” she giggled.
“Wow, even on your deathbed you’re teasing me.”
“Sorry. It’s my coping mechanism.”
It suddenly hit me. I was about to break every rule in time-travelling.
“Alaska. What’s up? Are you trying to die?”
“What are you talking about?”
“This is the second time you’ve died at this beach?”
“But i didn’t die?”
“Yes. Yes, you did. On an omega version of this timeline. I say the omega because it means the end. You died. You were poisoned by that blue bottle that stung me but you’re allergic and you didn’t pack a epipen so you would have died.”
“I didn’t know that I was allergic?”
“Even if you didn’t. Dying at the same place on different timelines is too convenient.”
“It was never supposed to be like this...” she muttered fighting back her tears as she turned and frantically ran from me.
As I readied myself to run towards her, I looked to see her legs buckle under her body. Her wretched silhouette illuminated by the death of the sun on the horizon. Casting its melancholic glow unto her. She stood there on her knees mourning for a pain greater than herself. Her flame had finally burnt out. Alaska had cracked.
All I could simply do was run to her. Wrap my arms around her and struggle to comfort her through our pain. I just hope that she’ll be okay. That she’ll even be slightly okay. But I was really unsure as I held the melting icicle of Alaska May. Sure like ice she reformed but she will never return to who she was. We went star shopping and prayed to ours for help. Searching the constellations for answers. As if they still held our fate. Hours passed and the darkness consumed us.
“Alaska?”
“...”
“Let’s go to the car. I’m not the best driver but I can manage.”
“...”
I got up and helped her to her feet. Holding her glass hand and guiding her to the car. We set off on a ride home brimming with an eerie silence.
“Ala…”
“I think I’m fine enough to finally talk. I’m sorry that I’ve been scaring you for the past couple hours.”
“It's fine. As long as you're fine nothing else matters.”
“I love you…”
“What?”
“ I’ve loved you since our first date. I’ve wanted nothing else but you. But it was never meant to be like this. You were never meant to talk to me. I was supposed to live out the rest of my days alone.”
“No one can be alone forever…”
“...I’m dying. I’m living on borrowed time Oliver. I have no idea how long I have left. I’m waiting to wilt.”
“I don’t understand?”
“I died a year ago. It was a car accident. I was dead as soon as that car hit me.”
“That doesn’t make any sense? How come no one recognised you or has heard of your death?”
“Well when a time-traveller dies they’re erased from the timeline, except from the minds of other travellers . That’s where my real problem starts. As soon as that car hit me, I flung myself uncontrollably into the future. I landed one year in the future. I’m not really 'alive'. I'm living as a ghost of futures past.”
“That’s great and all but why? Why torture me with your existence?”
“That's the problem I never meant to get involved with you. That's why I treated you so badly when we met but something about you drew me in. That torture is what I’ve been trying to avoid. And not just for you. To my mom I’ve been dead for a year now because I just disappeared without a trace. But i’m still kind of alive? I don’t want to torture her with my false immortality.”
“But why kill yourself? We still have time?”
“But we don’t. I could die today, tomorrow, even right now? And today's her birthday and I guess it's just been weighing on me for the last year and it's just... I was suddenly a failing atlas. Afflicted by the weighted switch of depression. My switch had been held down by the world for the last year and I broke. I’m honestly ashamed.” she said as she let out a lone sorrowful tear.
I leaned my left hand from the steering wheel to wipe her tear as we continued through the starlight. “Don’t feel ashamed or weak. You were strong enough to make it this long. No one is as strong as you. You make me want to be stronger so that I can support you for however long you have. Anyways we all wanna die at some point. It's how we deal with that point that makes us who we are.”
“Ugh. You’re so deep and understanding and loving. I really have been dying to meet someone like you…”
“Not funny Alaska.” I said with a bittersweet chuckle.
“I’m sorry but let me have this one. I’m dying you know.” she said chuckling through the silent tears she tried to hide from me.
“Oh. So you’re gonna play the I’m dying card like it’s nothing?”
“It’s all I have?”
We both chuckled about a dead girl. The conversation drifted to an awkward silence as we realised how dark our situation was. Until it was broken by our gasp of awe. We almost swerved off the road as we approached the top of the mountain range separating our home town from the beach. We were greeted by a roadside cliff highlighted by the black ocean of stars reflected from the water below. Almost a galaxy held here on earth. I immediately pulled over at the nearest roadside stop. We sat in the car near the railing at the edge of the cliffside.
“Alaska. Imma be honest. This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. This has also been the worst day of my life…”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not done,” I said as I held a laugh under my breath. “... I also wouldn’t trade this day. This life. Our fate. With anyone in the world. Sure my heart is sinking knowing that I’ll never get to marry you. I’ll never grow old with you. But. I know that I’d rather take these however many more days than a lifetime with anyone else.”
She said nothing. All she could do was pounce me and wrap me in her arms holding my heart as she gave me hers. She simply nuzzled into my chest and sobbed.
Souls connected upon that last touch. We sat there for a few hours in the cold. Funny, how we spent most of our ‘adventurous beach day of living each day as our last’, doing nothing. Our last day… It all seems like a sick joke at fate's hand Oh well I guess? We’ll just embrace our path then.
“Come on Alaska. We need to get home.”
“No. I wanna stay here with you. I wanna watch the sun rise out of the ocean and erase the stars from the sky.”
“Wow. Beautiful… Poetry aside, we gotta get home. It’s getting late. If I stay out any longer, not only will my mom worry about me, she’ll think I only left the house to have sex with you or something.”
“Well maybe we should?”
“Wait what?”
“I’m serious. Who knows how long I’ll be here, ya' know.” she said leaning her hand over to gently caress my neck.
“Wait.” I said holding off her advances. “Am I just a ‘I’m dying so I wanna have sex with just about anyone’ guy to you?”
“No! I’m Serious. Oliver, I love you. I’ve never loved before and probably never will again. Even if I could, I wouldn’t want to.”
I gulped. “I didn’t realise you were this serious about it.”
“I am. So you wanna do this?”
“Of course…”
“Good.”
“So wha-” I was interrupted by her shushing me. She reclined the backseat. We scrambled to the back of the car. Soon she climbed on top of me and began to undress. Anything after that is a blur. It all felt instinctual as fire and ice collided and intertwined. Next thing I knew we were lying in the back of the car covered in beach towels. Alaska’s wish of being greeted by the sunrise came true. Her head resting on my chest comforted by my heartbeat. I checked my phone located in my nearby discarded shorts.
I has 27 missed calls from my mom. I could no longer enjoy the moment.
Alaska arose from her slumber. “Good morning, my love.”
“Good morning…”
“What’s wrong?”
I showed her my phone.
“Oh. Your totally dead. At least you won’t die a virgin?”
“Funny.” I grumbled glaring at her.
“Ugh fine. Get dressed, I’ll drive us home.”
We drove home beginning a new path. One filled with love,spontaneity and hopefully a tasteful funeral service.
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