So luckily I didn’t die. I was just grounded for the rest of the holidays. So I didn’t see Alaska for about 3 weeks. I mean we live in the 21st Century so I could message and call her, but it wasn’t the same. I don't think I could live without her voice notes either though. Luckily I knew that the day we came back to school for gr11 was also her birthday. So to make up for my absence I decide to spoil her very publicly at school for her birthday. I would finally take my own advice to live without caring about other people.
The night before school started, I stayed up late into the night using my mom’s recipe for a death by chocolate cake. We had a similar one together on one of our first dates that she said she’d die to try again. I also got her those giant golden balloon numbers surrounded by smaller black balloon’s that read, “Happy Birthday”. A normal person would question the idea of black birthday balloons. Not Alaska though, for years she wanted them merely to challenge the status quo. Finally, I could do something to make her happy. I also commissioned a really talented artist she follows on instagram to draw us as chibi characters and to put it on a card. Lastly, I got her a bouquet of soft pink carnations on the way to school. I knew she would hate all the attention. So I thought why not dig my grave deeper anyways and shower her with even more "love and affection" as the memes say. And finally for her present. I got a picture of us. It's a photo of her sleeping next to me on the morning of our beach day and put it in a really ‘aesthetic’ frame. I think she’s at her cutest when she’s sleeping. The embodiment of all the elation in my life at rest….
I got to school early, set down her present, held her cake and flowers in my arms and stood and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. Until the bell rang.
“No, don't worry. She'll be here. Maybe she’s just late?”
“Ya she’s just late. Don’t worry of course she’s late. Wait for her a little longer.”
I waited in that same spot and hordes of students waded through the hallways getting to class. They shoved me back and forth as they navigated around me. And I waited there with a smile praying for her to just be late. The bell for first class rang. The cycle repeated. When everyone was in class I dropped to my knees. Worrying for the worst. I left my body and ran into the hall of time.
“Guys! She didn’t show up!”
“We know. We were there too”
“Why? Where is she? Is she okay? Did she…”
“You don’t think?”
I knew in my heart she wouldn’t. Not after what happened this summer. I at least wanted to believe that. But my heart sank as I those thoughts echoed in my mind because I knew they were a beautiful lie. I ran out of school straight through the front door. I ran to the path that lead to her house and started slamming my fist on the door in a frenzy. Dazed and confused from the panic, bewilderment and just general unfitness. I quickly remembered I could call her. I quickly dialed her. I looked in the window to look for signs of life. Right there by the door laid her phone buzzing with my picture and a cute nickname onscreen.
No. No. No. No. No! There is no known reality where she would leave her phone lying around like that. I looked inside again. Hoping, praying that I would see her . That she would pick up. I tried to force the door open. And to my surprise it open with no questions asked. I ran around the house looking for her, pleading that she showed herself to me. I made my way to her room. And there it was as clear as day. Nothing. All of her worldly possessions gone. Her room was barren except her bed. I slowly looked around. Closed her door. Left her house. Closed the front door. Once outside I fell back against the door and slide down till I dropped my head to my knees.
Where was she? Where was Alaska May? Had the lily wilted or had the wind carried her away?
I sat there for hours until I dragged myself up and stumbled home. I went to sleep and only woke up the next day. I went to school and claimed a mental health day as an excuse for yesterday's absence. I just couldn’t deal with this in any other way besides pure prostration. I somehow meandered my way through the day. On my way home, I took a shortcut cutting through alleys in the neighbourhoods around the school. I gazed up at the sun in disbelief in how hellish our summer weather was. As I was minutes away from home making my way to the last alley before my house. I saw her walking as if she was lost. Or looking for something.
“Alaska!” I shouted as I began a sprint towards her. She continued walking around the corner. As I raced to her I was blinded by the reflection of the sun off a nearby car. I regained my vision and looked around she was gone. My daylily flew was gone with the wind…
Fuck. I’m losing my mind. I want her to be within reach so desperately that I reach out to her. Only to have her slip through my fingers. I gazed to the heavens and cursed the star. The night skies granted wishes this one only brought me misery. Yah. maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s just hot and I haven’t been looking after myself in such a long time that I lost myself for a second. Comfort in a beautiful lie. Just like that of a daylily. A beauty that captures your heart only to fade as soon as it did.
This would go on to happen a lot more. I would sit in classes and see her outside the window or looking inside from the door frame, walking around the roads we walked together, watching me from around corners. And I was convinced it was her but I could never reach her.
But I clung to the hope that this was temporary and she just needed space or something. Until she didn't. I eventually got so desperate that I used to leave class at every opportunity I got if I saw her.
One Thursday I bolted out of my Biology class because I caught a faint glimpse of her. I looked left and right and Isaw her turn a corner running away from and as I prepared myself to sprint. I felt a frail hand grab at my wrist. I turn to see Ophelia. Desperation and agony were scribbled all over her face.
“Oliver. What are you doing?” she asked out of breath, close to tears.
“What do you mean? I’m going after Alaska? Don’t tell me you haven't been seeing her all around town, watching me. Always inches within grasp yet so far…”
“What are you saying? Who’s Alaska? What are you going on about? I’m so fucking worried about you. You look like you haven’t slept in weeks, you aren’t prsent in class or there at all, you run out of class for no reason all the time and only get away with it because people think somethings wrong with you. I need the old you back. Tell me what’s wrong so I can help you. This isn’t some time-travel thing is it?.” she said has she released tormented raindrops.
“Wait what? What you mean whos Alaska? She’s my girlfriend. Your friend we went on a whole escapade to reunite you with your childhood love? And who cares if I sleep. None of its worth it if she’s not here.”
“Oliver, I’ve never heard of an Alaska. I remember time-traveling with you and Vanessa but that's it.”
Next she slapped me across the face. “ I care about you. Your one of my best friends in the entire space time continuum. I love you...dude. You mean so much to me and it hurts to see you like this. If you forget that for even a second I will slap you until you remember.”
“Okay. I’m sorry. I love you too dude. I just...I just don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve been dating her for a year. She changed me, she’s my first love… maybe my only one on this timeline.”
“Wait, are you serious?”
“I swear. Ophelia, I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“You’re not kidding... I know you. This is for real. But now what?”
“What do you mean now what?”
“Well I’m not gonna just let you squirm by yourself. We gotta talk and figure out what's going on.”
“Ok. You’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. Now you go home and sleep and talk to the time council thing in your head.”
“But…”
“I’ve excused you from class and called your mom she’ll pick you up soon.”
“Ugh. You really do love me…”
“Yah and don’t forget it .” she said with a smile while she playfully hit my arm.
“Fine. You should come over after school.”
“It’s a plan.”
I left her with a long, sombre hug and made my way home.
I slept for a good 4 hours till I awoke to an annoying phone call to find out it was Ophelia.
I let her in via the garage door and squeezed in a quick meeting with the council before she arrived.
“Guys. We need to talk.”
“Sure.” they all replied.
“Alaska’s missing and I keep seeing her around town but I can’t catch up to her.”
“Is that it?”
“No, it gets worse. People have forgotten about her. Ophelia remembers all our adventures but doesn’t remember Alaska’s being there.”
“Uhm. We don’t know what to say. You seem to be on some tangent timeline. None of our Alaska’s are gone.”
“But this does pose an interesting idea about the presence of time-travellers on the timelines.” another voice interjects.
“What do you mean we all replied.”
“Well you’re a time-traveller and you remember her?”
“Yes?”
“Now what if since time-travellers have the ability to get lost and drift through the pages of time, it must mean they aren’t fixed to their timeline. Meaning if they’re removed from the timeline they won’t leave anything behind. But all time-travellers are connected to the essence of time. This connection also forms a part of our collective consciousness so only we would remember them.”
“Wow. So I guess you’re the smart me?”
“Nah. I just have way too much free-time and I’m a little older.”
“Wait if you’re older doesn’t that mean…”
And as the pieces of the puzzle fell into place he vanished before our eyes.
“Nevermind that thought. So basically because Alaska’s ‘dead’ she’s disappearing from the point in our timeline after her 'death'?”
“Yup.” they replied in unison.
I returned to reality and relayed this information to Ophelia and explained who she was. I tried to trigger memories of Alaska but to no avail. But she did believe me. She knew I wouldn’t lie to her.
“So this like pseudo ghost girl has been hanging out with us for a year and you guys fell in love? And now she’s just disappearing? Why? Why now?”
“Well,...we’re all at fault. She’s caused too much strain to the timeline so the space-time continuum is balancing itself out.”
“What? We killed someone?”
“Kinda but no. Like you said she was already a ghost. She’s always been dead. She’s been living on borrowed time and I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve loved her since we met a year ago. And now she’s not talking to me. She’s just running away and trying to deal with this on her own. Leaving me to fend for myself in a world where I’ve been a team for as long as I could remember. And I’ve only known about her being dead for about a month. And I didn’t know this somewhere along the line my future with her turned into this beautiful lie. One where nothing bad would happen and we would grow old together or something. I’m so lost Ophelia. I feel so alone…”
She hugged me and whispered. “You’re not alone Oliver. I’ll always be here.”
And for the first time in a while I felt at ease. Maybe Alaska was watching over me from afar right now?
“Thanks Ophelia this all means a lot. C’mon I’ll take you home and we’ll think over it and talk again soon. But I think I need to start mourning a death that happened a year ago of a girl I never knew.”
“I understand.” she said with a warm smile.
We then got in the car with my mom and drove Ophelia home. On the way we had to pass Alaska’s house which was near a stop sign on the road to Ophelia's place. As I looked out on what would be her cenotaph (to me at least). I saw her walking down that path we had walked together countless times. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I wouldn’t let her escape me. I jumped out of the car and bolted towards her with desperate tears in my eyes. I almost got hit by oncoming traffic but I didn’t care. The rest of my life was right before me.
Almost getting hit by that car got her attention because she stopped midway on the path and stood. I reached out to her and tried to grab hold of life again.
She swatted my hand away.
“What’s wrong with you Oliver? You’re running into traffic now? Go home.”
“What? So now you can talk to me? You’ve been ignoring my messages, not coming to school and people have forgotten about you…”
“That’s the..”
“Yah. The whole space time continuum re-balance concept. I know.”
“Then why are you here?”
“I love you. I’ve been chasing a ghost for the past couple of weeks and you were finally within my reach. I couldn’t let you go again even if it means getting hit by a car.”
She slapped me across the face. “How could you say that. Your life means more than anything in the universe to me don’t go throwing it away. People care about you.”
“Yah. You. And that’s why I’ve decided. Let’s do it.”
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