Relief flushed through me after I finished my first entry. I stretched my arms over my head and popped my shoulders. The clock on my laptop told me that if I leave now, I should have enough time to catch the bus. I packed my bag and rushed to the bus with the half-hearted decision to publish my new series when I get back home. That was a months ago.

Closer to two months, actually. After I got home, I told myself that the first post should have more than one chapter. I finished the next chapters two weeks later, but didn’t post. I reasoned that I should build a buffer in case something happens. Six entries later. My cursor hovered over each line of text while I edited. Was this really the style I wanted? I should rethink this and upload later.

Days passed and I still didn't publish. It was obvious that I’m only making excuses. But why? Why am I procrastinating when I'm so close to finishing? I didn’t know why. Which means it’s time for some introspection!

Inner Me (IM): Dude, why aren’t you uploading your chapters?

Me: Eh, don’t know.

IM: Of course you know! Now why haven’t you uploaded?

Me: …

IM: Well?

Me: I really don’t know.

(Before I continue, please tell me I’m not the only one who has conversations with myself. I have been self conscious of this for the longest time and am likely to make a post about it in the future. Please save me the time and comment whether you do or don’t. I’d appreciate it.)

I really didn’t know, and I still don’t know. I have guesses like maybe I was too nervous about what a rando stranger might think of me, or maybe I don’t want this extra responsibility on top of everything else, or maybe I’m just too lazy. Maybe it’s a combination of all these things, or maybe it’s something entirely different. Regardless, I don’t think “why did I not upload” is the important question here. I think the question I should be asking is “how did I upload?”

Basically, I opened my laptop, picked a random cover that kind of matched the theme I wanted to cover, and upload three chapters. That’s it. No big motivational story. My IM didn’t prepare me before the big launch. I just did it.

I learned two lessons from this. First, I have impulsive tendencies that I need to figure out. Second, if I want something done, I need to copy the Shia LaBeouf meme and Nike logo and “just do it.” That’s probably the best tactic for me to get anything done. I have always known this, but I guess I still need that reminder.

Now that this is finally up for anyone’s viewing, I will continue to upload this until I decide INH is no longer helpful for me. Until then, I’m interested to hear your thoughts about how you get motivated to do what you need to do. Do you have any tips for me to not procrastinate? It would be very helpful and appreciated.