POV: Maddison
That went better than I expected, I guess. First day back and I was able to get her to talk to me, to hold me. She almost kissed me. She still loves me; I just know it. Or else she wouldn’t be hurting this much if she didn’t. I just have to keep on. That’s all. If I don’t give up I know I can win.
Even still… I just feel so empty inside without her.
I stare at the empty half of my bed, a perfect spot where she could be laying next to me. I wish she were here, that her arms were wrapped around me once more.
A knock at the door causes me to flinch.
“I’m coming in,” Layla says.
I sigh.
She opens the door and walks in.
“Whoa, why is it so dark in here?”
“Go away, Layla.”
“How long are you going to be mad at me? You talked to me at school, so why can’t we hang out here?”
“You know why. I can’t trust you. I don’t want to be alone with you. Please just leave me alone.” I don’t even turn to look at her.
“Come on, you’ve been mopping all break, she doesn’t love you anymore, get over it,” she complains.
“Get out!” I sit up and shout at her.
“What, I’m just being honest.” She shrugs.
“This is all your fault! I hate you!” I spat.
“Really? My fault? Did I make you kiss me? Did I make you sleep with me? Did I make you do anything you didn’t want to do? The only person whose fault this is, is you. Don’t try and blame this all on me. You did this. I was just trying to love you.”
“God, you’re such a bitch.” I wipe my tears but no matter how much I wipe them, they keep on falling.
“Look I’ve given you space and time to heal, but I’m tired of waiting. I want us to be together.”
I laugh at her.
She narrows her eyes.
“I will never, ever! Get with you. Do you hear me? Read my lips, not going to happen. Period. What I did with you meant nothing to me. It was just for fun, now I regret every second of it. It was a stupid mistake. I may tolerate you at school, but that is as far as our relationship will ever go. I can’t trust you, I don’t like you, Layla. You’ve ruined me, you are a bitch and I don’t want to have anything to do with you.”
She clenches her jaw and her fist. I can see her hands shaking from rage. I get up off the bed and walk over to her. She eyes me in anger, her eyes watered over.
“Get out,” I say one last time.
“Fuck you. I hate you. You are the bitch. No wonder why Scarlet doesn’t want you back. Who would ever want to be with a disgusting person like you.” she spat.
“Just leave before one of us does something stupid,” I say.
She opens her mouth to say something but whatever it was, crumbles into sobs. I don’t feel sorry for her. She got herself into this mess. She thinks just because she got Scarlet to break up with me that I will get with her? Yeah, fucking right. No way in hell. Not after everything. I’d never.
“Fine, be that way. I don’t care anymore. I’ll just go kill myself.” She says.
She turns to leave but I grab her by her shirt.
“You better not fucking kill yourself, I swear to god.” I clench her shirt tightly.
“Why would you even care? I ruined you, I’m a bitch, you don’t want anything to do with me. So might as well do you a favor.”
“Stop it! Just because I don’t love you doesn’t mean you go and kill yourself!”
“Yes, it does! Your love is all I’ve ever wanted. Without it, there is no point to life.”
“Damn you!” I cry and pull her into my arms.
“Just let me go!” she tries to yank free.
“Shut the hell up! You hear me! Shut up!”
“Let me go, I don’t want to live anymore.” she cries.
“Maybe I don’t either!” I say.
She goes quiet.
“Maybe we can do it together,” I suggest.
“Maddy.”
“Maybe you’re right, maybe there is no point anymore. Maybe this emptiness will never go away. I don’t want to live in a world where she doesn’t love me anymore. It hurts too much. It’s all just so painful.”
“Stop it!” She begs.
“At least I won’t have to die alone. We can do it together. Best friends forever.”
She yanks free and slaps me. I don’t even flinch.
“Maddy stop, stop it. I won’t do it okay. Don’t say those things.”
“Why? You say it. Why can’t I?”
“I’m sorry okay, I’ll stop. Just don’t say that stuff.”
“If you do it, I’ll do it too.” I look her in the eyes.
“I’m not going to do it. I promise.” She whimpers.
“This feeling you are feeling right now, that fear. That is what I feel every time you say stuff like that. What I just said, that is how you sound to me. Killing yourself is not the answer. Sometimes it feels like it is, but it’s not. I know you’re hurting Layla, but so am I okay. You can’t put that stuff on me because I swear to god you are going to make me snap. When you say those things it makes me think about them too. I am not in a good place right now, don’t put those ideas in my head.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. Come here.” She hugs me.
“If you killed yourself, I would feel even shitter and maybe I’d do it too. So please, don’t do that to me. I don’t think I could take it. please.”
“I won’t. I’ll never say that stuff ever again.”
“I’m sorry I lashed out at you; it just hurts. I love her.” I hold Layla and cry into her.
“You really love her?” she whispers.
“Yes! I’d do anything to get her back. I feel so empty without her. It hurts!”
She holds me tighter.
“Don’t let go, just hold me.” I cry.
“Okay.” She says.
Layla stays with me all night, I just cry silently into her as she holds me. Eventually, I fell asleep in her arms. In the morning mom wakes us up for school. I take the bus with Layla. I just feel so raw. I wish I could make Scarlet understand how much I am hurting. Make her see all the tears I have cried for her. If she could see my pain I know she would take me back. Right?
“Whoa, what happened to you two? You look like you got pepper sprayed in the face.” Randy comments.
“It’s called crying.” I roll my eyes.
“You okay?” Jessica ask.
“I don’t know. Maybe. I’ll try to be.” I say.
“How did things go with Ms. A?” Tim asks.
“Not good. I don’t know what it will take to get her back. I don’t think she’ll ever want me back. She has someone else now.” I stare at the table.
“I still can’t believe it was all true,” Tim says.
Jessica and Randy hum in agreement.
“I’m sure you two will get back together,” Layla says.
I look up at her.
“She loves you. I can see it. She’d have to be an idiot to not get back with you. She’s just being stubborn. I know you can get through to her.” She forces out.
I feel my eyes water. It must have taken her everything just to say that. Oh Layla, you really do care about me. You stupid idiot.
I sigh and hug her.
“Thank you,” I say.
She swallows back her tears.
“You really want to get back with Ms. A? She’s your teacher.” Randy says.
“I love her. Teacher or not. I know it’s wrong, but I don’t care. She and I, we go so well together. She just gets me in a way no one else ever has. Sometimes I feel like she is the only one who ever really knew me at all. You guys wouldn’t understand.” I pull away from Layla and wipe my tears.
“Guess not.” Jessica sighs.
“Um A, 3’oclock,” Tim says.
I quickly turn and look for her. Our eyes meet. She frowns at me and turns to walk away. I feel fresh tears rising. Just turn around, Turn around and see what you are doing to me. I hate watching her walk away from me. Especially when I can’t chase after her.
“Go talk to her.” Layla urges.
I nod and wipe my tears.
I can do this.
I get up and casually walk after her. I stop by her classroom and listen. It’s quiet.
I peek around the corner and inside. She is sitting at her desk and is going through some papers. Someone clearing their throat behind me makes me jump. I turn and see Reyna eyeing me with her arms crossed.
God, I hate her.
“Leave her alone.” She sneers.
“Never. I know she loves me.”
“You make me sick. You don’t get to say you love her, not after what you did. If you really loved her, you would have never done that. You disgust me.”
I open my mouth to form a comeback but no words come out.
She rolls her eyes and walks into Scarlet’s classroom leaving me in the hall alone.
“Hey heart thief.” She teases.
“Hey, how did it go with your parents?” Scarlet asks.
“It went. So yeah…”
“Rey, come on. Please tell me you actually went to talk to them.” Scarlet complains.
“I did! I told you they don’t care, they don’t understand. It’s all about tradition to them. They can’t get over the fact that their little girl will never marry a man and have children for them.”
“Well there is always adoption, it’s not the end of the world.”
“Yeah? You would adopt for me?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe when I’m older. I like being free to fuck whenever I want, a kid would sort of cramp my style.”
“Well, I don’t even know if I want kids. It’s just not who I am.”
“You don’t have to. It was just a suggestion.” Scarlet says.
“Can I come over again, I need to let things cool off at home.”
“Geez at this rate might as well move in and pay half the rent.” Scarlet teases.
“Can I?”
Oh god. Please say no.
“What? Move in and pay half rent?”
I peek into the room and see Reyna shrug.
“I don’t know... if word got out that I live with a student. Plus my apartment isn’t really big enough for two.”
“We can share a bed, no big deal.”
“Tell you what, if we are still together by the end of the school year, you can move in. Sound good?”
“Sounds perfect.” She walks over to Scarlet and kisses her.
Her eyes find the door and she looks to see if I am watching. Fuck I hate her. God, she’s such a… I don’t even know what she is, but she is one! She smirks when she sees me and deepens the kiss. What a fucker.
Scarlet moans into her mouth and grabs her by the ass and forces her to sit on her lap.
When Reyna pulls back Scarlet stares up at her in lust.
“So can I come over later?” Reyna asks.
“Fuck yes. God, I am going to fuck you so good tonight.” Scarlet kisses her neck.
“Emm, can’t wait.”
I’m going to be sick.
I quickly turn and walk off just as the bell rings.
The school day drags on per usual, finally, after a long hard day, I get to Scarlet’s class. She once again proceeds to ignore me. Dinah is back, she doesn’t look as much as a nun as she did before the break. In fact, she looks almost like a whole new woman. Weird.
“Maddison?”
My head whips to the front of the class. Scarlet is looking at me expectantly, and so are the other students. She must have asked me a question, shit. What a bitch, she knew I wasn’t paying attention.
“What?” I say.
“I said can you give me a summary of chapter one?”
Shit! I totally didn’t read at all! Fuck. I got distracted by Layla.
“Um… there are people.” I say.
The class snickers.
“Which people? What are their names?”
Fuck. Why is she grilling me? Seriously? She’s being petty now?
“I don’t know,” I admit.
“And why don’t you know?” she pushes.
“I didn’t read the book.”
“I see. Well, maybe you can catch up, in detention after school.”
What! What a bitch! What the hell?
“Seriously?” I say.
“Seriously. Now, who can tell me what happened in chapter one?” she turns her attention away from me.
What an asshole!
“You’re seriously giving me detention for not reading!” I say, disrupting the class.
She makes a face but turns back to me.
That’s right, two can play this game! You want to make my life hard, well I can make yours even harder! I have all the leverage here!
“Enough Maddison.” She says.
“Well, maybe I didn’t read because something happened yesterday! Something that made it hard to concentrate and read!”
She narrows her eyes.
“Maybe if you weren’t such a---”
“Outside, now!” she cuts me off.
I get up abruptly and stomp outside the class. Dinah gets up and takes over. I lean against the lockers and cross my arms. What an asshole.
Scarlet comes outside with a detention slip, she hands it to me.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me right now.” I snatch it from her.
“Maybe if you did your homework, and didn’t disrupt class this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Fuck you! You know why I didn’t do my homework.”
“I do know why Maddison, it’s because you think that you can get away with it. Well here is my way of telling you, it ends here. No more freebies. You want to pass my class you better start doing the work. I mean it.”
“Asshole!”
“Maybe I should walk you to the principal’s office.”
“Yeah do it, let me tell him all about you and Reyna. Go on! Or better yet let me just show him the key around my neck and tell him how I got it and what it unlocks.”
“Stop it.” she snaps at me.
“Go on! Do it! I am not the one who has anything to lose anymore.”
“Just do the work, and we won’t have any more issues.”
“Here is an issue your girlfriend is a fucking freeloader. She’s using you. She’s a bitch.”
“Don’t you talk about her like that, you don’t know anything about her.”
“But I know tons of stuff about you, and I know you don’t love her.”
“Just shut up. Enough is enough Maddison. No more. I am done with you okay. D. O. N. E.”
“You may be done with me, but I’m not done with you. I love you.”
She grabs the key around my neck and breaks it off.
“Stop it!” I reach for it.
“No. This is over. No more.”
“Give it back!” I demand.
She puts it in her pocket and shakes her head at me before walking back into class.
I slide down the lockers. Now I have nothing. She took the only thing that connected me to her. No matter how hard I try I can’t get the tears to stop. God, it hurts.
Come back, you coward. Come back and see what you’ve done to me. Look at me. look at what you have made me.
I stay there until the bell rings. Then I walk back in class to get my things.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, and I want all the deeds.” She says to Dinah.
“Alright, alright.” Dinah giggles before walking out.
It’s just me and her again.
Scarlet ignores me as she gathers her things.
I can barely even move. I just sit back in my desk and rest my head. It all just hurts so much. To be this close to her, yet so far away.
She places something on my desk. I force myself to look at it. The ring. She walks out without another word. What an asshole.
She’ll never take me back.
She hates me.
But I love her.
I grab the ring and throw it against the board.
“Fuck you.” I cry.
Then I just rest my head on the desk again.
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