“Good morning, class!”

As soon as I have taken my seat, the classroom’s door opened once more. The sound of the pulled handle was then followed by our homeroom teacher’s greeting. And without much formalities, he stood in front of the entire class, readying himself to speak.

“The time you have been waiting for has arrived! All of your average for the semester test has been posted on the usual board.”

As if he was hunting with a pistol from the last century, he immediately shot a deadly bullet. It was perhaps due to scenes such as these that safety clips were added in the future as a feature for firearms.

Indeed, we had just cleared the dreaded semester test, which infamy spread throughout the whole school. However, I merely said such a thing just because every other student thought of the semester test as such. Honestly, I was unable to relate to the sentiment.

And that inability was proven by the cliché riot from the other members of the classroom.

“Ah! What am I going to do?!”

“I don’t even care anymore.”

“Of course you wouldn’t! You’re still kind of smart!”

“No I’m not! What are you talking about?”

The students would tease one another about their performance on those tests, searching for the approval of their peers, while saying things along the line of, “I didn’t do all that well.”, or “I don’t really give a flipping damn about it.”.

Those were the sorts of sayings that most would both like to hear and say.

As they were uncertain about how they should genuinely feel, they use words to hide their frailty behind the shade of feel-good.

You see, saying those sentences would make the sender appear to be humble while easing the listener with statements of common ground. However, little did they know that it was a common ground which held no evidence of any sort.

These were the practices which are used to adhere to society’s will. And for those who chose not to follow the tradition, will inevitably get the short end of the stick.

Hm, how should I explain this? Well, maybe it is easier if I use an example.

A, a good and diligent student, is quite confident with his/her performance in last week’s mid-term exams. And then A says to B, A’s classmate, that he/she believes that they would probably get a good result with much legitimate confidence. However, rather than trying to acknowledge that confidence or to seek the reason behind A’s certainty, B just immediately condemns A as arrogant. And without knowing, A becomes shunned by the entire student body due to the frightening speed of chaining information.

Okay, I may have skipped a few steps there. But that was mainly the point.

The conclusion is, we can never be absolutely truthful.

“Oh yeah! As usual, to our top achiever!”

All of a sudden, penetrating all the noise of the riot, the homeroom teacher gave a spirited shout out, quieting the mouths of everyone in the class.

Ck, this teacher really needs to get his gun upgraded to the latest versions. He could have accidentally shot through someone’s skull given by how his bullets were flying loose.

“Gwen, congratulations! You scored the highest overall score for this Mid-Term Examination! Well, to not much surprise.”

Without being able to read the atmosphere of the class, the homeroom teacher shouted his compliments with pure innocence. He put his arms forward and raised his thumbs, gesturing a "great job!" to put even more emphasis on how he was feeling about the news, acting like an embarrassingly proud parent.

Honestly.

In mere seconds, unaligned with the joyful gestures of the teacher, the air turned heavier.

“Come on.”

“It's her again, huh?”

Eyes were turning and peeking towards me, far from being congratulatory. Their glares were cold, sharp, and piercing right through me. And their acts only served as yet another compliment to my prior conclusion.

And in moments such as this, saying “Wow, really? I’m so lucky!” with a made-up merry attitude, was probably the only way to avoid any further judgments. However, acting as if I were surprised would be lying to myself. And besides, I was not one to cower that easily.

“Thank you.”

With a slight jolt of courage, I let out a faint reply towards the teacher, embracing both his thumbs up and compliment with a sense of justifiable pride. It was a reply that echoed throughout the entire classroom. And as it was not a genre of their preference, my gratitude was far from being music to their ears.

“Heh, look at her.”

“Cocky.”

“Gwenius at it again.”

Theirs were not particularly one to me either; one of the few things we had in common.

Frequently, most would say that life is full of fluctuations. On one day we might be up high in the clouds, while another might have us sunk below the dirt. And often, this was arguably the case. However, through a unique method, an abundance of people could determine this rise and fall of one’s fate.

Undeniably, my classmate’s whispers were the manifestation of its execution. Through its abuse, they somehow penalized me for being truthful. In one way or another, no matter how I acted, they could still label me as wrong. Indeed, what was right and wrong is decided by the majority.

Morally, accepting someone’s gesture with gratitude should not have been a violation. As a matter of fact, it should have been something to be expected. However, what was right and wrong could be effortlessly altered by society. And as the majority of the class deemed that I was wrong for responding like so, I, who stood solitary, could not even appeal in retaliation.

What is right does not need to be. But if it is generally thought to be, regardless of its validity, it must be.

And this corrupted privilege of the mass allowed them to went as far as to create a specific name for me.

Gwenius.

It was an insult that has been popularized ever since the early days of my school years. Sadly, it was probably the best mockery that their brains could have come up with. I mean, isn’t combining my name with a positive adjective turns it into praise? Well, I guess I can imagine a few instances where the word “genius” can be condescending. Ugh, why am I thinking so thoroughly about an insult? I do not care about them.

But unfortunately, no matter how apathetic I was, my ears did not have the ability to shut itself away from daily nonsense.

“I haven’t even hit the books.”,

“I don’t care about grades.”,

“Who uses mathematics in the future anyway?”.

But honestly? That is just a murder of individualism.

It is moronic to conclude that one path should be correct when most are walking there. If you decide to throw yourself in a pit of fire just so you could be standing with everyone else in a forsaken oven, then there is no sensible reasoning to demean those in refusal. However, these people would prefer to pick a scapegoat instead of seeking an inward reflection.

Instead of mustering the courage to search for their own path, they chose to blame the success of others.

They are pathetic.

“Alright class, have a good day of studying. That is all for today’s homeroom session.”

After a short-lived yet fatal speech, the homeroom teacher gathered himself and prepared to step out of the classroom. And as he did, the class stood and bowed, giving him a sign of gratitude for his daily contributions.

But instead of being appreciative, all I felt was disdain.

Why do I feel this way?